Clickbait Bitterness

/ bensbitterblog

 

The greatest invention of our time, the World Wide Web, is a dark, devious place, where you can find terrible, horrible, no good, very bad things. Things like cat videos, Facebook updates from your “friends” and blogs that talk about bitterness. Yeah, there are a few good things that come from the internet, like videos of people falling over and getting hurt and people chucking their computers out the windows, and losing their jobs, or people getting in fights about politics on Facebook, and trolls, but for the most part everything on the internet is annoying.

The worst thing of all though is that friend in the corner that we don’t want to talk about. You know the one that is lurking there at the party that is just waiting for you to make eye contact, or the one on the sidewalk that is waiting for you to take off your headphones, or the person on the train that knows you don’t get off for 5 more stops, so they are going to trap you with their story that you don’t want to hear.

Yep, Mr. I. M. Clickbait. They entice you with little snippets of information that are super misleading like “Melissa McCarthy is no longer with us. Find out more….” Then when you are mad at yourself for being the last one to not know she is dead, you click on it to get the details only to find out they meant, “Melissa McCarthy is no longer with us…on CBS,” and then you find yourself in the swirling toilet flush that is click bait websites that won’t let you leave, give you viruses or make it so hard to actually read what you wanted, that you click on the X in the corner of your computer and promise to abandon computers until the end of time, until you see that crazy picture of a woman combined with her feet and you are stuck in the vortex once again.

...ha ha see I told you I would scare you.

The garage that has been eating people’s faces. Click to find out more.

Luckily, it is my bitter pleasure to present you once and for all a way never have to see these clickbaits on your computer ever again.

 

Click here to find out how.

ARRGGGHHHHH

Bitter Click Bent Ben

62 thoughts on “Clickbait Bitterness”

  10. You know what’s worse than click baiting? Hyper-sensitive crappy ad links embedded in a phone app that trigger when you attempt to scroll. Every day I’ll try to check my damn forecast and find myself learning the thing to NEVER eat to lose belly fat.

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  14. Twitter is the reason I thought Morgan Freeman was dead for like 6 months in 2013. Also why I thought Charles Manson was dead which made my Thought Catalog article totally inaccurate. Whoever is doing this needs to be stopped. *Flashes the Bitter Ben Signal at the sky*

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  19. Yes, Bitter Ben. I have been trapped in that hell known as click bait. Where I have been checking Google Analytics and I see a random traffic site that has visited my blog and I click on it and BOOM! Suddenly there is porn streaming from my computer or Donald Trump’s face superimposed upon Satan’s. So, I frantically try and get out only to be met with the blue screen of death. I run my security program and then all is well again. Until, I start reading a blog that I follow and I click on a link that tells me how to get out of the click bait 7th circle of Hades only to be met by that person’s pop up twitter site………

    ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
    Susan – Bitter on her ledge

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