Thanksgiving is in a few days, in case you forgot or don’t live around where I do. For many, it is a time to reflect about the sales you have to go to on Black Friday, before you cram as much food as you can down your turkey hole, watch football all day and do your cyber stalking, uh shopping so you can avoid all the crazies who dare try to go to Walmart to get trampled. I am much more of a reflective and giving soul. I mean, come on greedy people of the world. I am a giver. I have lots of things, including wishes to give to you.
Here are my wishes to you this Bittersgiving Holiday.
I wish you all the heartburn that I have experienced from not only this Thanksgiving Holiday, but also every other day from the moment of my first tinder of fire building up in my baby belly to the current raging bonfire inside my chest every time I contemplate a drink of water.
I give you lines. Lots of lines. Lines to wait in for goods. Lines to wait in for services. Lines to wait in for groceries. Lines to wait in the street for lines of ducks to cross. Onlines even, to find out that you should have waited online for that semi-insane deal at a semi-insane time of the day.
I give you bitter passes. Passes made from your quarterback to the other team’s cornerback. Passes that you have to drive through full of snow, ice and treachery so you can make it to the one place you don’t want to go for the holidays. Your family. Passes of cranberries when you wanted turkey, and salt when you wanted pepper and pumpkin pie when you wanted apple and passes of gasses that nobody wants to receive, but everyone is glad to give.
I wish you a roast. Roast of a turkey that went way wrong. Roast of an uncle that went way too far.
I wish you stores. Stores that are way too crowded. Store-ies of others that are way too embarrassing, stores of fat inside your belly that will give you enough storage for the cold winter, the cool spring, the super hot summer and the cold storage for next winter.
I wish you wasted time. Time that is well wasted. Wasted in waiting in lines, wasted in small talking with people you barely know, wasted in driving on roads, wasted in getting colds from people you are way too close to. Wasted in eating way too much food.
May all your bitter wishes be realized today. May all the bitterness that you have earned be cashed in. Just make sure you are early or all the bitterness that you wanted for half price will be sold out.
ARRRRRRGGGGGHHHH
Bitter I’m a Giver Bitterness
Happy BIG BIRD DAY BEN! 😀
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You know I will find something to be bitter about today. Well, I have a list of them, but I will probably save them for a post.
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Now I’m salivating. 😀
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Just like the dog that was hanging around at our Thanksgiving table.
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LOL! 😀
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So that’s ‘Thanks’ as in ‘Thanks a bunch!’ … ?
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As in Thanks a bunch of munch a crunch.
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I am already bitter about the holidays. I was bitter since January knowing that they were around the corner. Thank you for wishing lines, heartburn and all manners of discontent because tis the season. I wish you much of the same. I am better bitter because of you and this blog.
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Yep. People just forget about all the bitterness the holidays bring and I’m just here to help people remember that part of it.
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Thank you. I am certain the internet traffic on Monday will incite the bitterness.
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Yeah, you bitter believe it. Just wait until all these people see all the different lines of Christmas.
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Ho, ho, ho, gobble, gobble. And a partridge in a pear tree.
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That’s the bitter holiday spirit.
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Spirit, maybe. I could do with a scotch and soda, hold the soda, but it’s not my holiday.
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Well we have all kinds of spirits around here. Mostly bitter spirits.
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Being foreigners here in the USA we can do exactly what we want on Thanksgiving and what we usually do is movies and pizza.
Hey, we like to help celebrate any holidays no matter the country.
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Now that sounds like what I’m thankful for. Why do I have to have turkey when I’m more thankful for pizza?
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You’re a mess you know that! I do appreciate the humor every time I visit your blog though Ben!!!
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I am a mess yes. I should probably hire a cleaning service.
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You probably should!
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That is for sure.
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😃
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thank-you for the bitter heartburn
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I had some bitter heartburn something fierce this morning.
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so sorry. i
ll send you my 80 mg nexium,which is 2 ,40’s
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I could use as many 80 mg nexium as you can get.
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i call them 80 but they’re 2 x’ a day 40’s..40’s is strongest they make..
i am going to be only person to read every page of your bitter ben
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Well good. Someone has to read this stuff.
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i was doing that a few days ago. i remembered you said no one had read all. i did all i missed up to 6 months & then the reader said wait there are more, but it just kept spinning
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You are by far the closest to reading all. I haven’t even read all of them. So good luck to you. Don’t fall down the rabbit’s bitter hole.
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wow and you have almost as many comments on here as i do..that fireworks page says to write you a thank-you letter…i don’t hardly talk to other people or you would have more comments than me on here
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My fireworks page also says I should thank you too. I guess the fireworks page is kind of pushy. You’re number 1 on comments more than twice other people.
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Is that turkey drunk or farting?
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That turkey is getting stuffed.
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Can’t wait for your Christmas post. I feel so ummm, what is it I am feeling?
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Sleigh bells, uh sleigh me. I’m thinking 12 bitter days of Christmas?
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Loving the wordplay here!
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Wordplay is important when you have much bitterness.
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You can fix your own bitter Thanksgiving dinner, ok?
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I think I’ll go to Wendy’s. Making food seems kind of hard to do.
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So, you don’t like Thanksgiving food?
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It makes me kinda trytiphanic. Also pretty sleepy.
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happy bitter givings to you, too, ben! XD
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I’ll make it the bitterest.
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Much bitterness to you, BB, on this most bitter giving day .
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What bitter day than this, than to remember all the bitter gifts I get that I deserve.
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Have a bitterly good day
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I was sure to fight with my family and get bitter about Black Friday, so sucess.
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Dark chocolate
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The bitterest kind of chocolate.
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And right back at you, Bitter Ben!
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So we are playing boomerang then? And a boomerang to you.
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Wow, after reading that, I am exhausted! This was cute. Thanks for the post. Hopefully your Thanksgiving isn’t as crazy as that. 🙂
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I was pretty exhausted from writing it and I did it straight from the couch. Imagine if I actually went somewhere to write it.
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Ummm…thanks I think! A bitter TG to you too..
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It’s only Turkey Day around here. Did you enjoy your’s back in October? Did they have a Canadian Black Friday?
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We had a nice obligation free TG back in Oct. We do have Black Friday. I did my grocery shopping on Thurs. to avoid it at all costs!
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Did you save some of the leftover’s for me?
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I did, they’re in the back of the fridge and have some green matching the now Christmas season.
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Do they have a bitter taste? Then I’m in.
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You know it!
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Oh my gosh, you are my favorite. You make all of my bitter dreams come true, Bitter Ben. Unhappy Thanksgiving!
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I’m glad that I have finally helped someone reach their bitter potential. Dream small and I will help you reach you least wild dreams.
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