It’s been a long time coming, but the 8000th lunatic has finally followed my blog. Congratulations to you, The Secret Shopper blog for becoming the 8000th follower. Because you are the 8000th, you have won a new car. It should be arriving in your parking lot in a few days. The only problem is that because you are a secret shopper finding all the best customer service in the island of Ireland, my team of prize hander outer’s can’t seem to find out your real identity, because alas, you are a secret. I guess that’ll teach you to start a blog, become a secret shopper, follow me for some reason, then never post anything again.
You could have had the guy from TV showing up at your Irish door, asking, “Do you remember signing up for a bitter blog in American? Cause we have a bunch of balloons, a huge check and a car we just stole from a used call lot that we are going to park in your driveway. We do have a few stipulations though. First, you will have to pay all the taxes and licensing on this $100,000 car. Second, you need to find the keys for this, because we don’t have them. And third, the owner of the site that gave this car to you doesn’t have any money, so you will need to pay for the car right now. And if you can’t our security guys, Arnold S. and Sylvester S. have something they want to show you out in your shed.”
“Oh, and also you need to pay for these balloons that we got at Party City. We will need your credit card info because we reserved the tank in your name. So congrats on your win, The Secret Shopper Blog, you have some luck (what kind, I’m not really sure of).”
On to more bitter matters. You know how I now have to go to school and do stuff? Like on Facebook and Instagram and Twitter, and Pinterest and stuff? Well, I’m going to need all of you to do favors for me from time to time. Because I know how bitter you all are, and I will probably have to do stuff for you someday.
First thing I’m going to need you all to do is follow my new Instagram account called The Sports Emotionalist. It is for a class and I am supposed to get followers for it and if I don’t I will be not only fired from the class, but from life. And you all know how much you don’t want me to incur my bitter wrath on you. You’ve seen how posts I’ve done in the past have ruined lives and horrified people. So just do it, or I will find you all, just like Liam Neeson did in Taken. And also Taken 2, The More Taken. And Taken 3, I Can’t Believe She Was Taken Again, if I recall correctly. Get my Tokyo Drift, The Fast and the Furious? And if I recall correctly, I now have 8000 followers, so I expect that in a matter of 24 hours, I will be having 8000 followers on my new Instagram account, The Sports Emotionalist.
So recap. The Secret Shopper Blog won the car, as well as the bill for the tax, title and licensing as well as the whole bill for the car. Congrats!
And you all won the opportunity to follow my new Instagram account, suckers, or incur the wrath of the Neeson where I find you and make you push a button. Got it? And if you don’t have an Insta account, you have my permission to sign up for one just for this project. Kapish?
Alright so The Sports Emotionalist.
Bitter Better Do What I say Ben
Pingback: The Bitter 800th Post Club | Ben's Bitter Blog
Ok, following now!
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Awesome! Thanks!
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Well, Bitter Ben, you know you should have said you demand 7,999 followers on Insta-whatever because you know I have no idea what that stuff is or how to use it. Way to keep track of all your followers, boyo (that started out as Irish slang, just so you know).
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Ellen….you should know that you should be figuring it out because you know how important it is for you to be helping me with this assignment. Regardless of how old you are. Instagram is a freaking place to put your photos for goodness sakes. The one thing you actually like. TAKING PHOTOS ELLEN.
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Congratulations on your 8000 bitter followers! Humor always takes the cake!
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I wish there was cake. That would go so well with the nothing I’m having right now. I’m starving!
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🙂 Your a character!
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I am kind of. I’m not a Disney Character though. More of a character from Shrek.
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I enjoy Shrek very much! 🙂
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He is my spirit animal.
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LOL! LOL!
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Shrek you very much!
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Oh stop it! Oh no wait! More, more! Love the humor! Humor is such a gift and you have been blessed with an abundance of it!
When is your book coming out. I want to sit down, read it, and laugh my ass off!
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It should be the last part of 2099. About 50 years after I die, I think.
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Congrats you Bitter Bastard. Keep being the bitter burnt Coffee served by a national chain that shall remain nameless. For a couple of bucks you too can buy a star.
Vinnie, Bag of Donuts and Tony, is my suit getting to small ain’t got nothing on a hardcore soccer Ultra. Have time to read your blog. Instagram? A step to far.
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A big bag of donuts sounds great right now. And some milk. I think the blog is what you should focus on too. I would be pretty bitter if I had to look at pictures that I didn’t care about either.
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Congratulations … dare I suggest that you’ve worked hard to get such a great readership?
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Nope, just learned how to be really good at blackmail. And having access at Liam Neeson to tell people that he will come after them until they follow me.
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Bitter congratulations to you! 😀
That calls for a celebration!
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I think I will go do something crazy, like get some pizza and lay on the couch all day!
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Just followed in Instagram. I was follower 13. Lucky number 13. I’m pretty sure I should win a prize for that. Tell the Irish secret shopper to ship the car to me as soon as he’s paid for it.
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I will indeed tell the Irish secret shopper to send you the car. It was a Lamborghini I think. A lime green one. Hope you enjoy it! And thanks for the courtesy follow!
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Bwahaha. Hilarious!
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Why thanks. I just missed doing blog posts lately, so it was fun to get back to it.
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EEEEEEEEK CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!
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Thanks. It was quite a long time between 7K and 8K.
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Congratulations! I have no idea whatsoever how to even get on Instagram. So do you need my address for Liam? Or does he magically know, like in the movies?
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He’s already at your front door. He will be there to help you set up your Instagram.
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Oh that’s AWESOME! Congratulations on so many followers (I’m still dreaming of a single thousand!). You deserve it 🙂
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I bet you could do it, but you are more about the writing and taking care of your kids, etc. I’ve been living and breathing the blog for a while (and ignoring work and kids).
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Haha, priorities right? Thank you for your vote of confidence… I know these things take time and we’ve all got to put in the hours to learn the ropes and get better and all that.
But you’ve built a small empire and I think that’s great. Inspirational.
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Which is kind of ironic because it is bitter. I just wish I could use the empire for something more inspirational for my pocketbook. I’ll figure out something.
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Hey, you’ve got a solid theme and it’s working for you 🙂
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Yeah, it sure does. I think that is what has kept me doing this all these years. 🙂
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Follower #9 reporting! 😛
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Thanks. You save my life! And I won’t have to chase you down Neeson style!
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Happy to save us both some effort. ^_-
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I’m all about taking less effort. 🙂
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Bwaaaahhhhh! No. I don’t have time for Instagram… You lured me in with “prize” in the title (I must have overlooked the “demand” part of it). I did visit your Instagram page, but you will have to like my business page on Facebook and follow it on Twitter (@UFOTL) to make it worth my while. Should I see you there, dear bitter Ben, I will manage the effort to create an Instagram account. (Please, no car for me!)
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I like that my totally fake title roped you in. I’ll follow whatever you want me to. I’m down with that. Do you get to stay employed if I do? Or get a bonus? I get to stay in the social media program only if I get like a million follows. So create it or I will die…or something.
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Thanks. I get to stay employed, I think. It’s all in your hands. I will get right on that instagram account so you get your millions and I get to go to work every day.
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My professor’s are on me right now, because they were like, I haven’t seen Sara follow you yet…Don’t make me get flogged by a professor.
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I’m on my lunch break and will visit/join/sign my life away to Instagram and follow you.
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It’s more important than eating. Save a beating!
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You should no longer be flogged. I made an Instagram account just for you and followed the Sports Emotionalist. (Do I get a prize for being your 6th follower? Where are the other 7,094?) I didn’t just follow you; I “hearted” all your posts. Does that get you bonus points?
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You get a prize. It will be delivered soon by a secret messenger, who’s name will not be revealed as Liam Neeson.
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I’m waiting. ..
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He’s fighting someone right now, so might need a little bit.
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Followed your new Insta…even though I don’t get party city balloons. Whatever Ben.
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We could arrange for the next prize drawing to be balloons from Party City. It could be quite the party.
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Don’t try to sweet talk me. 😉
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You know I would never do that. I more of a bitter talker.
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LMAO That’s right…what was I thinking! 😛
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I had to say it…we all knew I would. I’m just branding myself you know….
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Hey ya gotta get that branding in whenever possible.
Your KINDER Friend,
Nikki
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I’m a marketing and social media major, I’m all about the Bitter Ben Branding.
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Check it out, I think I am following your sports enthusiast instagram account.
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I’m so proud of you. It takes a lot to be that old and still be able to follow someone on Instagram.
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I’m jealous. I figure I’ll need to live to 178 to reach 8,000 followers.
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I don’t know about that. You could pay Facebook a lot of money and get 8000 tomorrow.
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I’m sorry to say I don’t do instagram, but if I did and followed you it would give me something to be very bitter about today seeing as though I don’t like sports. 🙂
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You could do Instagram just so you could follow it. And besides, it isn’t about sports, it’s about the emotions that sports cause, so like for you indifference, etc.
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Ah…adventures in boredom. Sounds like a great name for a new blog. 🙂
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That does sound like a good name. But do you have the time for that? Cause I sure don’t. Stupid school keeps getting in the way.
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Boredpocalypse?
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That would be an awesome one too. I wish I had the chance to be more bored.
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“Taken 2, The More Taken”
I laughed TOO hard at this.
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I just don’t know how much more Taken you can be. And besides, if you have a sequel you have to raise the subtitles to a whole new level.
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Wait a minute, 8,000 Follower Boy! Your own blog says you have 9,011 followers. Why are you hiding the other 1,011 followers? Is this some kind of a conspiracy? A cover-up? Are you even as bitter as you say you are?
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I just count my WordPress followers because those are my bitter friends. The 9011 is all that stuff combined like Facebook, Twitter, etc, which are my face to face friends, which I don’t really count as friends, cause they aren’t bitter. I’m as bitter as ever, you better believe it.
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I was worried there for a minute
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I think a lot of people would be. I assure you there is nothing but bitterness here.
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8000! Wow and I was feeling happy about getting my 100th. A “Bitter Pill” to swallow.
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Yeah, I guess people like to follow other people that are bitter or something? Strange.
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I will follow your Instagram account just as soon as I win a free computer from you, or Instagrammer, or whatever the heck is needed to follow an Instagram account. No, I won’t use the computer I currently owned. It is dedicated only to following your WordPress account.
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I guess you will need to hope that you win the computer in the contest for the people that follow the instagram account. Then you will have a computer dedicated to following my Instagram. Confused as I am?
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Well aren’t you a bitter bragger? I have 8000 followers, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah! Well, you know what? I’m gonna unfollow you and then your’e going to have to post tomorrow that you only have 7,999 followers and you still had to give someone a car that they had to pay for. And if you think I’m going to follow your Instagram account….well, I might…
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Yeah, you definitely need to follow both my Instagram’s (the one for class and my personal one) and you might get a prize. And if you could tell you kids they might get a raise if they follow too.
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We all have one instagram that’s under our family band. I forgot to follow you earlier today but will now. You have to follow back though.
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Fine I guess I can follow some random band or whatever. I’ll even follow you from my Ben’s Bitter Blog instagram too so you will have four followers.
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Boom! Just followed you again! How’s that for annoying?!
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I’m used to getting followed. You see how many followers I have right? Just going to lead them all off a cliff someday…
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A big Congrats on the 8000th! I am so bitter that it wasn’t me!
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Well, you should have been paying attention for when 7999 came along. You should probably go follow my instagram so you don’t miss out on a potential prize.
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hurrying over! 🙂
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Publisher’s Clearing house is circling your neighborhood right now!
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I don’t hear anything…still waiting.
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They are waiting for you to sign up. Also Liam is outside. So you know, take action.
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ok,ok! )
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Thanks for your speedy service to avoid getting Leesomed.
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O, I do not want to be leesomed, consider it done…I am up for Instagram!
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Yeah, you don’t want to get Taken.
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no way…I guess.
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Unless it was by someone that lived in a mansion and let you go swimming all day.
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🙂
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Wow, 8 k followers. Can’t say anything, makes me a BITTER follower. 🙂
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Yeah, and I bet you can’t guess how many of them are even real. Kind of like the winner of the contest.
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🙂 just like that song he winner takes it all, the fakes are going along. Have a great weekend ahead. Thanks for the reply.
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Yep, the fakes are what make me!
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and they make you better …and them bitter. Have a great weekend. I enjoy your blog. Thanks for making me smile.
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As long as they pad my stats, that is what it is all about.
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🙂
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Followed on Instagram.:) I got your back buddy!
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Yes! Now only 7999 more to go!
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That’s alot of followers….I’m feeling good with my 69….lol. maybe just cuz it carries that dirty suggestion. I’d likely crap my pants if I hit 8k
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That would be crazy. But in that gif on the blog post, it shows the insta post of someone that has like 8 million followers and their phone receiving all the likes and comments. That would be insane.
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Have we discussed the way Liam Neeson’s daughter runs in Taken? I feel like we have. If not, please watch out for it next time. She looks ridiculous.
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I must do that immediately. To the video store! Oh, wait they don’t have those things anymore.
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Now they just look like old abandoned historic monuments.
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I did see a video of a guy that actually worked at a Blockbuster that pretended it was an abandoned one. It was an awesome video.
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