Let’s do stuff, or whatever.
Early yesterday morning when I was sweating away from all the moving of boxes, and moving my body around sans couch, somebody mentioned to me that it was National Laziness Day and I couldn’t have been more bitter. Here I was not only not notified about the greatest holiday this side of national pizza week, but I was not given advanced warning so I could plan to be lazy all day.
May I ask very bitterly why I wasn’t invited to be on this holiday planning committee? Why I wasn’t consulted about the day and time and holiday decorations that would be a part of the celebration? Why are couches and televisions and fridges not huge sponsors of this? And how are there not parades taking place on couches with wheels starting at around 1 or 2 pm when I feel like waking up? I feel betrayed.
Napoleon Bonapart, French Dictator and star of Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure.
Betrayed like a kid who was told that he had to work for his dreams to come true instead just being told that they are supposed to fall into his lap. Betrayed like a present under the Christmas tree that is wrapped really nice, but is completely empty inside like me. Betrayed like a cubic zirconia that ultimately turns out to be just a stupid 15 carat diamond. Betrayed like a finding out that Olympic wrestling is fake and finding out that it’s WWE that is real. Betrayed like finding out that Napoleon Dynamite was the one that was the short French dictator that starred in Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure while it was Napoleon Bonapart that was the tall, lanky doofus that voted for Pedro and told Tina(the llama) to quit being a fat lard and come eat her dinner.
Napoleon Dynamite, star of the Napoleon Dynamite movie.
The bitterest betrayal of the day was the fact that I sit here right now, minus my faithful companion and couch of 10 years, missing it more than I missed the target on my BB gun shooting. I actually had to lift Couchy up from my living room, maneuver him out through the door and load him onto a truck that hauled him away to make someone else comfortable. I cried with bitterness for hours.
The saddest moment of all my moving experiences.
And for it to happen on National Laziness day made me feel like Homer Simpson someone took his trademark Pink Doooonut. It was indeed a bitter day, which I will never forget. Be assured that one year from now, I will have a New and Improved Couchy and I will be laying on the Laziness Day sponsored couch, complete with wheels so I can participate in the parade that goes down every mainstreet in every city across the world.
Through my bitter experience this year, next year will be the laziest year yet.
ARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHH
Bitter Lazzzziness Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
Would say something enlightening but it’s my day off. Wish I had a couch. Third floor apt. Light furniture only need apply. Keep being a charming bitter bastard. Tried now. Later.
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I am pretty lazy so I doubt I would make it up to the third floor to get you a couch, but I sure am on your side as far as too lazy to do anything on my day off thing.
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And as next years parade makes its way down Main Street with you atop it, Ben (waving as the king of National Laziness Day), I’ll be there… cheering you on, throwing confetti from the sidewalk—viewing the parade—from my recliner. 😀
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I figure no one will be able to even wave because they are so warn out from celebrating being on the couch all day, but at least Wall-E and his robot crew are around to help bring drinks and such for us parched lazy folk.
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Thank goodness. I mean the idea of having to get up and stretch my legs after enjoying a parade of that magnitude would seem like going back to work. And who wants to do that? 😀
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I would rather miss the parade than have to do all that work.
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http://www.theage.com.au/lifestyle/health-and-wellbeing/being-lazy-could-mean-youre-highly-intelligent-research-finds-20160808-gqo2yh.html
I found this to be highly validating. You are, it’s official, a freaking genius 👍🏻
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I’m thankful that my laziness and bitterness have finally showed how intelligent I am. Unfortunately, no one else knows it, which is why I’m so bitter all the time.
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ahahahaha *laughs*
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National Laziness Day is no laughing matter. I hope it will be better next year.
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I am in awe of you still being able to blog and take care of things while you move! Hope it is going well!
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We finally made it to Utah. How was your move? I did have to stall it a little until just today when I was finally able to get a moment to do the post, but man was it a struggle with the slow wi-fi here.
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Glad you made it!! The movers are here, today and then we will start the drive to TN on Thursday. I am still impressed with your posting skills 🙂
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I hope your move goes as smoothly as our home sale went bitterly.
The reason why I can always post, is the non ending source material. I’m always able to find something to be bitter about.
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That’s the best reason I can think of!! The more you do it, the more ideas come up. I noticed that when I posted more. I don’t know if it’s the baby, or the move, thinking too much, or me just making excuses for myself, but I’d like to get back to doing it more regularly. At least once a week! You are quite the bitter inspiration!
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I think as long as you have inspiration, you have blogging opportunities. The baby, the move, the thinking too much, those are all things you can blog about. I hope to see some of your posts soon!
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I never got the memo either. Damn!
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It kind of makes you mad that they didn’t prepare us for the momentous occasion. Next year they will not catch us off guard.
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Is that your pickup truck? I hope not. The worst thing a lazy person can do is own a pickup truck. Then everyone wants him to haul stuff around, and the wife wants him to do stuff like landscaping and such. I’m very sorry for the loss of your couch. A new one will not be the same as your old one. But after a while you’ll forget about the old one, and be able to relax and enjoy your new one as if it was part of your family.
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Heck no, I don’t have a pickup truck. I just have a bittermobile that no one wants to ride in because it has no power locks, no power windows, no air conditioning and no space to put anything of value.
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Oh, a horror story indeed. I thought that Laziness Day was making you it’s Bitter Mascot. What will they do now?
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I’ll just have to find a better couch and a better Lazy day next year so I can be the laziest of them all.
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Quite an aspiration.
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I do have aspirations, when they can take place from the couch.
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And don’t include getting up!
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Getting up seems a little too hard right now, now that I’ve eaten.
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