Bitter Security Beach

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What I was hoping for on the beach.

What I was hoping for on the beach.

I bet you have not been wondering at all where I have been. Which is why I’m going to tell you. Since my self inflicted unemployment, I have been not working. At least I’ve been trying not to. But for some reason, I keep having to pack, fight against dust bunnies, throw stuff away, which if you haven’t noticed are verbs, which are called the action words, which means movement, which is something I don’t like to do, unless you count laying a verb, which is something I very much like doing. Unfortunately, I’ve not been doing the laying very much.

What I would have done on the beach if it wasn't so windy and cold.

What I would have done on the beach if it wasn’t so windy and cold.

And against all of someones else’s best instincts, instead of staying at home and doing more packing and getting more prepared for the move, we decided to go away on a mini vacation to the beach. We were welcomed with the flavorful scent of cigarette smoke, the dulcet tones of video gambling machines, and the bright seizure inducing sights of more gambling machines.

As I Pokemon Go’ed my way out on the boardwalk, to escape the smoky seizure lights, I was met with something that no one would normally describe as a beach vacation. There were no sunny skies, no white sands and no cool, calm breezes or waves.

These are the beaches of the Northwest. Full of windiness only good enough for flying a kite, like people keep telling me to go do quite often and fishy smells, which kind of seems fishy to me.

We did manage to place our feet in the dirty sand, but not without avoiding jellyfish and debris and a whole lotta cold water that could only be described as not crystal clear. Weirdly enough, we ended up finding some ancient drawings on the beach that we’re not sure meant much but we’ll let you make the call.

Very

Some ancient hieroglyphics from so weirdo ancient culture. 

Thankfully, I was able to find a television in my room, which though not an 80 inch 4KTV, still showed programs. There were no couches to make me feel at home, but they did have really uncomfortable beds to help complete the home feel.

Thankfully, the ride home made me feel loved. Just so you know, feeling loved feels an awful lot like being squished in the back seat, between two kids both leaning on you,  causing immense pain in your shoulders and nowhere to put your long legs. Good thing we have no other longs trips to take in the near future.

ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH

Bitter Son of a Beach Comber Ben

52 thoughts on “Bitter Security Beach”

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  6. I live up in WA state. As a person raised in Hawai’i, I can definitively state that the beaches here suck. But I’m fine with it since I’m scared shitless that jaws will eat me the moment my big toe touches ocean.

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  7. I love up in WA state. As a kid from Hawai’i, I can definitively state the beaches here suck. But I’m cool with it since I’m scared shirtless that jaws will get me the moment my baby toe touches ocean.

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  10. If there’s a hell, I’d spend eternity packing boxes, moving to a different place, unpacking boxes and doing the same thing over and over again hoping for a different result. With, perhaps, an interlude into vacations where I’m spending time chasing after children just to make sure they don’t die.

    In short, I consider what you’ve been through to be a hell that’s one notch below being in the front lines of a war.

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  17. I think the crop circles in the sand that weren’t exactly crop circles but seem to have spelled out some kind of Satanic message are very suspect and it’s a good thing you are no longer there although I would probably try to perform some kind of bitter exorcism. Also, you should probably read the blog I wrote yesterday since it’s kind of dedicated to you and stuff.

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