The Bitter Dream World

/ bensbitterblog
What a way to start my day.

What a way to start my day.

When you are super lazy like me, and then are forced into doing actual work, you tend to get a little tired. Since naps are pretty much a requirement for me to be at my all time minimumest, I have to find another way to get them so I can be at my bitter best.

I do have to pretend to work at least some of the time, and I can’t just lay down under my desk for 15 minutes and hope that no one notices. 5 minutes maybe, but after that, a co-worker may require a bitter witty response to one their stupid questions, which is the value I provide in the workplace. If I don’t respond, they will be onto me and find me under the desk snoozing. So I have to find another way to sleep.

So, to take advantage of my environment I do what I like to call “fall asleep sitting up”. In those quick few seconds, I often have Microdreams.

For some unexplainable reason in the three seconds that I dose off, I can have a dream so real, so vivid, so involved, and so extensive, that if that moment is captured, I could fix or change a lot of things in this world. Or those thoughts, if extended and fleshed out, could become a book, story, movie or at the very least a YouTube channel.

Or the phenomenon of microdreams could become the actual movie. Here’s my pitch for three different movies involving microdreams.

Movie Idea #1: There is a guy at work who has these micro dreams, but has no idea what to do about them. So he gets really tired on purpose, by staying up late and waking up early. Then, he has his pen nearby at all times and starts recording what happens. Soon, he finds out that there is some sort of pattern that leads to a conspiracy 10 levels deep in the government.

The next day during one of his micro dreams, he imagines his company being raided and he is captured. Five minutes later, that actually happens, and he is taken to the government facility and they ask him how he knew about the government conspiracy. Ryan Gosling plays me in the movie, and then I wake up from the microdream.

Movie idea #2: A terrible, out of shape cop, is stuck in the low levels of copdom, and perfectly happy being a quiet, non-descript paper pusher. He get’s bored sometimes, so he doses off and starts having microdreams. He mentions something nonchalantly about one of his dreams, the detectives find out that it happens, it helps them know what to do and he ends up helping them. He is eventually asked to come along and help on cases by sleeping in the car and telling them what happens in his micro dreams. He only agrees if he can get donuts.

Just doing my job.

Just doing my job.

Movie idea #3: A normally alert, down on her luck mystic psychic that has a shop down on Broadway and 3rd Street, is about to close up shop. Two days before her shop closes down, she stays up late and watches a Monica the Medium Marathon on Freeform and cries herself to sleep at 2 am. Her alarm clock doesn’t go off and she wakes up with only 20 minutes to get to work. She is late and rushes to get to her shop on time, but is late. When no one is there, she sits dejectedly down and cries into her crystal ball. Because she is so tired, she has a microdream about a famous reality star and her entourage visiting the shop. Moments later, the reality star appears with her entourage, and cameras hoping for a random experience. The reality star asks for her fortune, the psychic has a microdream about the reality star’s future, but the reality star is insulted that the psychic would fall asleep on her, and storms out. Just as she leaves, the psychic yells out what she microdreamed about, and the cameras all capture it. The next day as the psychic is closing her shop, she has one more micro dream about how her shop is saved by the reality star’s visit and just as she walks out, a bunch of cameras are at her shop, asking about what she said to the reality star.

Jst

Wait, I know your future! 

These are just a few ideas that came to me yesterday when I was microdreaming in the middle of doing a boring spreadsheet. I also had a few comedies, an inspirational inventor story, and a kid show, but I’m going to save those for when I make it on True Hollywood Disasters, and they can make me look even more washed up. In the meantime, don’t ever let anyone tell you not to follow your Microdreams!

ARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH

Bitter Nightmaring Ben

 

55 thoughts on “The Bitter Dream World”

  2. I’ll defer any comments for later, as I may actually end up reclining on the floor in my office. When we arrived at 6:30 AM, the AC in our 12 story building was broken and the temp was already 83. It’s now 86 and there are no signs of repair crews. Like a car, I overheat and shut down. And no, smartass, I shall not Instagram or otherwise post a picture of the thermostat!!

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  4. I was convulsed with laughter, reading your About page–so continued on to the above post–and cannot stop chortling. What a delightful addition to my evening–thank you, Sir!!

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  5. I love microdreams — I have them all the time! In fact, sometimes, while in the middle of a conversation or business meeting, I lapse into microdream world and completely lose my train of thought. Sometimes I think about turning those microdreams into stories, but I think I’m allergic to scandals. Maybe if I changed all the names and details and wrote in German…

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    • I honestly would have some great stories if I could recall the things I dream about in my microdreams. But it happens so fast that I can never remember them or get enough info to make them into a story.

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  8. I like Marissa’s idea. And after you add the explosions and chase scene, may I suggest that you throw in a couple of Twitter hashtags into the blog, because for sheer insipidness there is nothing better.

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  9. Stop, you’re working too hard! Anyone who micro-dreams obviously isn’t sleeping long enough for their sleep to be restful and productive. You should take a real relaxing nap and then have a nice big brunch, then I just know you’ll accomplish more of less. I’m sure I dreamed it sometime: I think all offices should have a “power nap” center in each cubicle, along with a fully stocked bar, carnivore station, and ice cream freezer. Think of the possibilities!

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  12. Haha, this reminds me of me during boring classes in college: people next to me would ask me what they’d missed, and I’d go: no idea, I am not paying attention. Apparently I mastered looking interested and awake while secretly being anything but that.
    As for the movies… it just shows how brilliant you are, Ben.

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