Bringing the Thunder

/ bensbitterblog
Picture of Thunder and Lightning. Not pictured: the sound of thunder.

Picture of Thunder and Lightning. Not pictured: the sound of thunder.

I’m good at noticing patterns. Well, at least when they happen over and over and over again. That’s why I did so well on recognizing patterns part of the ACT’s. And when I say I did well, I mean I did better than the math and science and the apprehensive portions. Meaning I got a 19 instead of a 17 on those, which if you’ve ever taken the ACT’s, you should know that those are terrifyingly low scores. But my ability to recognize patterns were on a genius level compared to the rest of my skills.

Anyhoo, I recognized a pattern yesterday on social media, so I social mediaed about it(see above tweet). There was a phenomenon involving pretty much the most boring thing in my mind ever. The weather. For some stupid reason, many people were posting the temperature that it was in their particular area. 110, 108, 97, 98. I get it. It’s hot. Probably record breaking hot. And you want everyone to know that it was hotter where you lived than it was where I live? Is it a competition? Are you bragging about the fact that your town has hotter degrees than someone else’s? Are you telling me how brave you are for venturing outside in such a temperature? I don’t really care. I could care this many bitters how hot it was where you live. And honestly, I couldn’t care two flippers about how hot or not it is where I live either. Until it started sandbagging our garage sales. Then I started to curse the mighty God of Thunder.  Whoever they were in Greek Mythology.

Thanks for showing me something weather.com couldn't show me.

Thanks for showing me something weather.com couldn’t show me.

I just got told that Thor is the God of Thunder. So hey Thor, I know you and your Mighty Avengers buddies are busy saving the planet from all kinds of alien threats, I was wondering if you guys could stop having battles in New York, New Mexico, Sakovia and London so the weather isn’t so strange around here.  Actually, could you just more specifically battle on the weekdays when I don’t really care what the weather is like outside? Your little Thunder and Lightning battles have kind of put a damper on our garage sales the last two weeks. I mean I would even have no problem if you wanted to destroy my work building just enough so I could get a good two month summer vacation going. Just take the weekend off if you don’t mind. Thanks.

People that are famous for talking on TV, but have no actual talent? That doesn't exist does it?

The Goddesses of Thunder. They make a lot of loud noises, but don’t produce much. 

Speaking of thunder, we had some last night. And it got me thinking. Why are people so afraid of thunder? Is Thor being the God of Thunder that terrifying? Because if so, he’s basically just the God of LOUD NOISES! Ooooh! So he’s like a burglar who breaks into your house, and make lots of noise, but doesn’t actually steal anything? Or is he just like your co-worker who talks a lot at meetings, but never really produces any actual work? Or someone who is famous for talking on the TV, but doesn’t have any actual talent? Or a huge group of people that talk a lot, but don’t accomplish much?

 

There aren't any groups of people that talk a lot, but don't accomplish much are there?

There aren’t any groups of people that talk a lot, but don’t accomplish much are there?

Thor is mighty because he also brings the lightning. Most people are all talk and no walk. Or should I say, “All Thunder and No Lightning.” And that people should stop being so afraid of the rain, because I’ve got some junk in my house that needs to be unloaded for lots of money and it doesn’t help when it is thundering and lightning.

So, Thor, if you don’t stop bringing the thunder and lightning this weekend, I expect you to at least come buy a few bookshelves and some used tools, and a few cups of lemonade from my kids.

ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH

Bitter Thunder and Lightning Ben

74 thoughts on “Bringing the Thunder”

      • It’s already over 100 and some summers have a month or more of 100+ days, 113 on occasion.

        I’ve never been to Seattle but will someday see it, hopefully. I always hear how rainy it is and that sounds pretty nice right about now.

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        • It seems like it is over 100 just about everywhere but here. Which is probably why people are posting about it so much. I guess if it were that hot out, you couldn’t think about much else.
          Whenever people come to visit it’s always in the summer and they always marvel about how nice the weather is, and I always get bitter because as soon as guests leave, it’s always back to the dreary bitter wet cold Seattle.

          Liked by 1 person

  4. I would hate to make you more bitter, but the weather where I live is perfect. Well, for June, anyway, and just today. It’s going to be hot — but not record-breaking hot — but it will only be half the humidity percentage it usually is, which makes all the difference in the world. And then tomorrow the misery returns. I would welcome rain and 56 degrees, though it would feel like winter. My city wouldn’t make any records for heat waves nationally, but our barometer routinely shows a frownie face beside the high percentage of humidity. My thoughts exactly! I wouldn’t need to take selfies beside a thermometer or a barometer. My hair would demonstrate humidity levels quite nicely.

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    • It’s always nice to have a hair indicator so you don’t need to be near a thermometer. It sounds like a lot of cities have had record breaking temps and that sucks. I’m just bitter that we had a garage sale planned and weren’t able to do it. That’s what I really care about and being the selfish person that I am, to me, that’s all that mattered.

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      • Personally, I would celebrate the fact that rain had canceled my garage sale, but I would want to know the rain was coming before the sale so I didn’t try to have one. I would be rather bitter if I’d done all that work only to have the stuff loiter in my garage waiting for the next sunny Saturday. So I’m sorry that rain spoiled your plans. And maybe your feelings aren’t selfish. Maybe someone needs that treasure you’re trying to sell them and you’re actually bitterly altruistic.

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        • I normally hate garage sales, but this situation is different. We are moving later this summer, and we are trying to sell our house and we have so much junk we don’t know where else to put it. So it is kind of gumming up the process to not have the sale. So I’m bitter because the weather seems to know it and is just toying with me.

          Liked by 1 person

  5. Here it’s not so much about the heat…but let it rain and that’s all anyone can talk about. It hardly rains here, yet most people have a rain gauge so they can compare each 10th of an inch they got in their backyard 😉

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  7. 18° (I have NO clue what thatnis in Fahrenheit, but it’a fairly damp, moist and thunder-inviting over here). I don’t know where people get the sun, I just don’t. It’s all rain and dampness over here D: Sun? What is that?
    Besides, I reckon those heat-posts are all fake anyway.

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    • It’s about the same as it is here. About 65 F(I did a google conversion) which is slightly cool but pretty comfortable. I mean the temps in Arizona and the south are pretty hot, no doubt (about 46 for your reference) but who cares? I guess they do.

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  9. You know what it is, don’t you? Our temperature-based pissing contests may result in enough ambient moisture to trigger a rain shower. That cools things down immensely. Now you know, and knowledge is half the battle.

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  11. Do your jaws hurt from being so bitter, like when you eat a dill pickle? Just wondered. Why do people post the temp, you ask? It’s a cool thing to do. Problem solved. Cheer up.

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  12. I always thought posting the temperature was a little weird too. I’ve never understood the actual point of it. Then again, is there a point in taking selfies too?

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  14. LOL! Thanks for the chuckle. Every year social media explodes with all the heat wave braggers. It cracks me up sometimes, I mean if you live in the desert, what do you suppose is going to happen? It was 52 degrees here the other day and I offered to trade with someone, but they were downright horrified. The most would give me was ten degrees! So apparently all these lamentations are actually brags designed to make the rest of us envious.

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  15. Thor doesn’t pay cash and according to a movie I once saw he smashes yard sale coffee mugs and other trinkets. He has girls who want him to think they’re hot pay his way and then he tosses those aside like empty coffee mugs. If only I were a heartless, selfish demigod. But I’m not the god of thunder, OR rock and roll. I’ve heard those positions were taken already. ~Bitter Non-Deified Deon

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    • Well, maybe another minor god role isn’t taken so you can be one. I’m sure if I was I’d be the god of bitterness. I’d always be bitter that I wasn’t the god of something else, right? Maybe the god of grammar or the god of punctuation aren’t taken?

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      • The gods of grammar and punctuation are jerks who troll blogs to insult and discourage writers, they’re more demon than god. And they do so well at their craft. Can I be the new Deon-ysius, never seen without an adult beverage in one hand, the conservative party animal, with an eternally ready steak or fried chicken dinner right down to pie and ice cream, and Mrs M across the table from me?

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