Superpowers I would mess up

/ bensbitterblog
They are coming for you. Not really you, just your wallet.

They are coming for you. Not really you, just your wallet.

It’s inevitable. Whether you like it or not, Superhero movies are here to stay and they aren’t going anywhere. Once the comic book Titans figured out that the stories inside their nerdy pages could be made into less nerdy movies that make tons of nerdy money at the box office, the comic book train of movies will never come back to the station. Not that I’m not a marginal fan of a few of them, but be honest people, a lot of these superpowered heroes are ones you had never heard of. Unless you were a comic nerd in high school, had you ever heard of Ant-Man before it came out? And were we kidding with him? I saw the movie on cable just so that I wasn’t completely lost when he appeared out of nowhere in the next few movies.  I still haven’t figured out what powers he has or how he got them.

And the weird thing about all these guys is that as soon as they get some sort of power, they feel some sort of need to find other supers to team up with. Whether they have a Hall of Justice or a Team of Avengers, or a team of Super Villains, they need to team up. If I had some powers, I know I wouldn’t be the Uncle Ben saying, “With great power, comes great responsibility.” I’d be the Bitter Uncle Ben thinking, “With this power, comes great irresponsibility.”

These super powered ladies and gentlemen got good at their powers because they worked at them. But I’d be the kind that just wouldn’t have the time to work on my powers. I have a job, and Scouts and kids and a couch that would really miss me if I was away on super powered work trip all the time. Am I going to mess with my few minutes a day that I normally take a nap so I can develop a super power that is just going to help others? My powers should benefit me, not mankind.

Chill out, Man. Cool party. Ice see what you mean, are a few of the many puns I would use with my ice breath.

Chill out, Man. Cool party. Ice see what you mean, are a few of the many puns I would use with my ice breath.

Freeze breath:  I’d probably use this to make my ice machine finally work after all these years of being lazy like me. But then I would take it too far and freeze the line for the fridge and then it would stop working at all. My kids would probably ask me to get them ice in their soda, and freeze the hose water on the trampoline, but then one of the ice chunks would hit one of the neighborhood kids in the leg and they would go cry and whine to their moms that I was making too many ice jokes, like “Ice see what you mean.”

Don't worry. I would always wear clothes to properly freak you out.

Don’t worry. I would always wear clothes to properly freak you out.

Invisibility: This would come in handy when I needed to eavesdrop on a meeting, but I hate meetings, and would probably end up falling asleep and snoring, and then appearing again. It would make for some awkward stares especially since the whole meeting was about how they could fire me without getting in big trouble with the ACLU or something.

I'd actually just move you out of the way if you were in my view of the TV.

I’d actually just move you out of the way if you were in my view of the TV.

Telekinesis: I think this means I could move telephones with my mind. That would actually be really great, because I really don’t like phones. Anytime the phone rang, I wouldn’t have get up from the couch.  I could use my mind to bring the phone to me, then gently smash it against the fireplace, because I don’t want to answer it. I think it would mean I could move televisions too, so it would be great to be able to change the channel without the remote control. And even if my kids had the remote, I could still mess with them.

Super Speed: It would be nice to not have to factor in travel time wherever I went or win the 200 meter dash at the Olympics against Usain Bolt cause you know, he thinks he’s so fast. But running is the worst. I mean I have a bad back, and shin splints and my knees are on their last uh…legs? So every time I ran somewhere, I’d be panting really heavily afterwards, and I would have to sit down for a day or two to recover, and then I would have to be super lazy for the rest of the week.  And I would say I don’t have time to do stuff, but them people would say, “Just superspeed here.” and I wouldn’t have any excuses.

Super Strength:  I would probably use this to get out of bed in the morning, because man, is it a monumental effort to do that most days now. It would also be nice if I turned Hulk green so people at work would know when they were making me angry and they wouldn’t like it when I got angry.

sfdf

Whoops I accidentally walked through this vault of lots of money!

Walk through solid objects: I guess this would be fine if I locked myself out of my car or was trying to field a fly ball as I was running full speed ahead into an outfield wall, but then I would miss the catch and cost our team the game and they would get really mad at me. And someday I might be distracted, and accidentally walk into a vault with lots of money and accidentally steal all the savings you had in the bank and then they would falsely accuse me of robbery and I would go to jail and I would walk right out, so the government would have to invent some sort of magical jail cell that was made of something I couldn’t walk through and it would cost the government all kinds of money to invent this jail and you would be out all the tax money for that. All that because I “accidentally” stole a bunch of money in a vault.  Can’t a guy just walk through walls and steal money without all the fuss?

I’m sure there are all kinds of other powers I could screw up. Let me know what powers I could screw up in the comments. Or let me know what power you could screw up. This is a safe bitter place where we can all talk about the crimes we would commit without having the FBI monitor this site right?

ARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH

Bitter Power Screw up Ben

114 thoughts on “Superpowers I would mess up”

  3. Pingback: Posts of Note (Week 7)

  4. I often think being able to read peoples minds would be awesome, but I’m too straightforward and would end up calling people out on their thoughts.
    It would get ugly.
    Sharing this in my Posts of Note.

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  5. You mentioned Olympics – I’m damn good at the 100 Meter Mosey.

    And yeah, that thing of being able to move through solid objects would come in handy when I locked my keys in my car and have to have some way to get the spouse and kids out of the car safely.

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    • Yeah that locking thing would have helped in a lot of ways. Like for instance, when I not only accidentally left my car running for 3 hours, while also locking my keys in the car. At least the car didn’t need warming up.

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      • Well gee, if that would have happened in your attached garage you could have found a way out of your bitter life right there!

        Reminds me of Paula Poundstone, years ago, in her standup routine talking about finally wanting to end it all so she went to the garage and sat in her car while it was running… except that she lived in an apartment building so it was a big shared parking garage. After several hours a neighbor walked by and asked how her suicide was going and she said she’d been feeling drowsy a bit earlier.

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  7. I’d pick being able to suspend time, flight, invisibility and super strength, and go to places where people do evil things, suspend time and take care of their business. And then go home and take a nap. And restart time and turn on the news for a laugh. Imagine you’re a bad guy. One second you’re large and in charge and the next you’re in a powerless position, or you’re dying, or you’re missing something you misused- your gun, your knife, your body part… Oh, and I’d especially collect their cash, if it isn’t counterfeit. “Headline news: The Taliban and Boko Haram suffered major setbacks today when their hostages were somehow released and the captors inexplicably died. The former hostages have claimed it was a miracle, as they suddenly found themselves within the safety of the local American Embassy. Gang members across the United States are turning themselves, and their guns, in, for fear of similar events domestically. Rape and domestic battery cases have dropped to their lowest levels in recorded history, after a wave of mysterious castrations…”

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    • Wow, sounds like you aren’t greedy at all. Just can’t choose one, you have to have all of them. And why would you want to use all your powers for good when you could use them for yourself or evil like I would. Fighting other people just sounds like so much work. Ugghhh.

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        • hmm. from my math in grade school I would put as an axiom that {bitter, evil bloggers} includes {Deon Mumple}…remember your Venn Diagrams and set theory (with bitterness of course). Therefore, no, because I have no intention of killing myself or my blog. Everyone will just have to suffer the bitter evil blogging. ::evil laugh:: I don’t like certain specific kinds of evils, like rapists and murderers and kidnappers and robbers and such. You know, like your bailed out bankers and drive-by shooters and spouse abusers for example. I’d use my powers against those sorts. Unlike God, I have a sliding scale for evil. The ones who interfere with other people and fuck with their lives in tangible ways have got to go first. I could drop them on the moon and they can start their own colony. But with no atmosphere they might have a difficult time, until they got used to, you know, not breathing.

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  8. Whaaaaaaaaaaaat? You didn’t like ANT MAN???? Paul Rudd is a sweet-nerd but a not too shabby winner among the ladies, Okay Mr. Ben? And his super powers came from the corporate-military interests (as per comic book formula usual) building “army ant” capabilities using nano-suit technology!!!! How’d ya miss that? Maybe you saw “Honey I shrunk the Kids”? It’s awesome for kids to see the “scale” and survival tactics of the ober small against the gigantica. The whole psyche is in smaller people feeling empowered against what is an overwhelming world. So ant man worked… regardless of your yawning thru it. It’s for the kiddies. And chicks who dig Paul Rudd!

    My super power would be stopping Stan Lee from ever influencing another movie… as well as removing all evidence of George Lucas from film and marketing and then my taking over Disney which monopolized the animation industry would become inevitable. I would make sure J.J. Abrams NEVER worked again. There’s more on my list, but that’s a good bit of super power. 🙂

    Fun post.

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    • Okay I guess he is good with the ladies, but since I’m not a lady. And I do like him in a lot of other movies, but this one just didn’t do it for me. I just think that there are too many absurd things about this movie and some of the others that are just causing superhero fatigue.
      And yeah the whole Disney taking over Marvel and Star Wars pretty much means that every movie we watch from this moment forward is going to be Disneyfied. And that is another thing I can’t handle.

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      • I agree ultimately Mr. Ben. Superhero fatigue is all the rage. 😦

        Paul Rudd tho, is a smart actor and this vehicle didn’t hurt him a bit. Men don’t neeeeeed to understand this. Kids and ladies deserve something harmless once in a while. And you gotta appreciate the sweetie nerd that’s good with the ladies even if you aren’t a lady! There’s nothing wrong recognizing another man even when you’re straight. Beauty is beauty, and Paul Rudd is inny-outie charm. We all get lucky.

        So yep superheros and comics are taking over and it’s exhausted, yet a lucrative franchise. The websites that create fan-fed interactions are part of the problem. And real writers aren’t being sought out or paid…
        there was that hollywood television and movie actors, strike years ago that made everything dumb down since. Not due to the actors, or writers but due to the studios and owners.

        On that note, We need to protest being “Disneyfied”!!!!

        Thanks for receiving my comments. 🙂

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        • So your love of Antman may or may not have something to do with perhaps, Paul Rudd, perhaps? Would that not make others love other superheros if they perhaps they Chris Hemsworth or Robert Downey Jr. or other hunky actors? Or is it just that they like the “story” or the comic book lore.
          And the Disney part, well the taking over of Star Wars and Marvel is just the bitter beginning. I have many other reasons to protest them, many of which I’ve addressed in posts. Let’s just say me and the mouse have a bitter feud.

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        • um…Robert Downey Jr. is waaaaay too “cute” like from when he was a angsty young actor and playing “risky” teen roles… His acting is “effected” and not actually that good, you know in retrospect? I mean, okay he’s not the worst and he’s had his moments but he’s SO stuck and not really evolving past his eye lashes. He’s more effeminate than hunky and why women like him is he’s not “scary” masculine. (not that there is anything wrong with effeminate men) But Robert’s a “project” with deep pooling eyes. Omar Sharif (sp?) is a GREAT actor with deep pooling eyes (for a compare contrast) 🙂 He was marvelous as a young man and he aged well… defining characters from literature… and our real human stories. But so… I’ll have to actually google Chris Hemsworth to see who that is! My bad.
          My love of Antman was yes captivated by Paul Rudd (guilty as charged) and I think he’s smarter than Robert…but not an Omar. *Hee hee*

          in my own home I put down “death pudding” for the ants and do not admire them for running along my water lines… so that’s hardly cherishing an “ant man” persona for real.

          Comic books are already story boarded with easy dialogue so the film industry cued up on that goldmine. The lore has all been sifted from our original myths and fairy tales so they are just doing what the humans do… when they pass on the stories and embellish or airbrush or botox according to the next generation, I suppose…
          The “bitter beginning” with the mouse is funny… I’ll have to check out some of those posts of yours in the future I appreciate anyone willing to mock George Lucas… 🙂
          Thanks for the dialogue!

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        • What’s funny is the comic books have had good storylines for years. I guess Hollywood thought they were too nerdy for a long time or the special effects couldn’t keep up with them but it wasn’t until X-men and Spiderman that they finally started banking the money like they do now.
          And as far as ants, they are pretty annoying when there is food around, and pretty efficient in taking it to their little hills that will be made into molehills someday. Anyways, you can have your Ant Man because I think he does get some major parts in the Civil War.

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        • oh… um…NOPE…
          I don’t think the comics had good story lines at all! They are Majorly typical. Formulaic. Patriarchal driven and not at all progressive. Not at all feminist. Not at all BLACK. They are SEXIST. Did you see Deadpool? OMG! What a waste of time.
          Neither are they (the comic book movies) Too nerdy.
          I know geeks. The computer techie nerd programmers and players. I know the gamers and the game designers and the ones who create fan-momentum interaction blogs… paid by Rupert Murdoch and able to lose massive amounts of money without flinching. I know the children of these people… I know the sell-outs and the indie refusal to submit, and the critics and the subculture. I know the ones who paint the skins for the games that make others feel like they are being creative when the make virtual “worlds”. I know the Shull Creek (Alabama) Gated Community people that don’t like what has happen to golf. I know the Martha’s Vineyard family in need of a nanny next door to the friggin’ judge for the NY bar. I know the people who donated the dinosaur bones to the movie Jurasic Park. I am related to the actual pyro-technicians for Gone with the Wind. Yes I do despise ants and have a place for Paul Rudd in my heart and yet have a better script than you (in comics).

          But whatever… my bitter is sweet. I can brag.

          I Just worked my own way up and thru everything… and “they” wanted it. picking and choosing is a lucky place to be.

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        • Sounds like you have the potential for bitter rants that would be great for a bitter blog. Too bad you side with the Sweet side. A Civil War perhaps? Now that would be a bitter rivalry to behold!

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        • um well… honestly, I go back and forth… I do HORRIBLE bitter purges and then can’t stand my attachment and so try to hide someplace sweet.

          A civil war may be in order… (perhaps sadly or maybe gladly) I’m not above such fisticuffs. 🙂

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        • Well, you’re good if it just stays in the “thinking” and hasn’t manifested in your relationships, Mr. Ben. Thinking is going to happen like that. Can’t be helped.
          But me? I’ve actually allowed the manifestations of anger, passive aggression, and bitterness to be taken out on people. That’s what I want to stop doing. To stop taking it personal and adjust my responses. Being angry has closed me off from a lot of living.
          But okay, not to notch up or amp the vibe…
          *Somebody quick talk about a comic book movie!*
          Thanks for your obvious empathy. 🙂

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        • 🙂 Yeah, maybe that’s true for a dude. Centering by way of a blog…
          I actually do go go dance postal (not homicidal) in my reality ‘cuz I’m a girl… and so the people fear me. It’s silly. But now the bigots in my hood are shrinking and black lives matters signs are popping up as multi-cutural families take up their causes…. (nope I’m not black) and It makes me feel safer witnessing the openness and the diversity.

          I get pissed daily at the bigots and go to work on that. Not just blogging but actually taking it on in my life… so… baseball aside…

          It’s a good day.

          Thank you Mr. Ben for talking to me as a human being and just being open to what we learn about one another. I like you. You’re a good man.

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        • Funny that you mention dancing because my post today is about that. Gifs about dancing and the judging of them. It’s my version of dancing with the stars.
          And of course I talk to you as a human being. That is what you are right? Or are you a cat? Because in that case I should probably put a few purrrs and meows in my responses to you.

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        • Okay… I googled Chris Hemsworth and see he is “Thor” and maybe he did okay as the Marvel version of Thor??? but LOL on that whole Rainbow bridge scene in the first movie showing him off!!! Talk about a Village People flashback-fantasia! All my gay friends were like Wtf was that? Oh well. 🙂
          As a fan of Loki lore assisting the aristocratic nincompooping, we have yet to see a good telling of the myths from which we derive all of our “psyches” and psychosis. I think that’s what is most disappointing. The myths are interesting but we take no real interest in their history.

          Okie dokie… thanks again for your bitter feuding with these entities and for clueing me into the who’s who!

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        • Always glad to discuss what makes people bitter. Whether it is an earth shattering event like a show getting cancelled or a movie character that gets dissed by a bitter blogger, I am always up for a bitter feud, fight, or discussion that get people to be bitter.

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        • Hmmm… I lived on Bittersweet Place in Chicago. Literally. Just off the big lake but on the same block and in the summer the wind I would witness the hold of these dragonflies in suspended animation…

          There was a place to get GIANT Burritos. and the Best in town. for cheap. Macho.

          so, I’m holding a better thought for you. because of math and visceral seeds…

          No one makes me bitter but me, my blogger friend. And you, well we all know you’re a romantic.

          Bitterness is only ever
          romantic.

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        • Well, we have a place not far from me called Bitter Lake in Seattle. I keep wanting to move there so I could live in the lap of lux-bitterness, but alas it is way out of our price range. Yet another thing to be bitter about.

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        • I lived on Bittersweet Place in Chicago years ago. (Not far from Wrigley Field where the Cubs play and I could hear the fans cheer from my kitchen window.) Anyhow… I think we are both susceptible to bitter word memes!
          You may still get to that lap of lux-bitterness (too funny) on your dream lake yet, Mr. Ben! Creatively visualize that… and one “sweet” day you might be rowing your boat gently there. And I’m sure you’ll have a perfect name picked out for the boat…

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        • I’m sure I can be bitter about needing to win the lottery that I will be off by just one number to get in order to get a house in that area.
          It would be awesome to get a house by Wrigley so you could be bitter about the last 100 years of not winning the World Series.

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        • Good one about the Cubs, Mr. Ben… but they are the top in their league now so the current ones to beat. Everyones loves the underdog story too. Plus they had real baby bears they played with in the opening of the season that were way too endearing to resist. Felt unfair to see them somehow showing off with those cuties.
          Anyhow I lived in a crappy (affordable at the time, unheard of now rent) apartment there, when I didn’t even like baseball yet, so couldn’t appreciate the crowds swarming all rowdy sports bars… so I maybe could be bitter about that? I was there during the Bulls Basketball three-peat Michael Jordan star attraction when Chicago went nuts and the whole city erupted in celebration and also… like turning over cars and burning them and ruining property… it was beyond “bitter” to see mob mentality gone needlessly stoopid.
          Anyhow, now basketball seems boring to me and I don’t watch it at all… and am a SF Giants fan… and I don’t want baseball to be “shortened” like some are voting for, because in my opinion a game can never have too many innings. I love me an epic battle.
          I could help you be bitter and say your Seattle Mariners aren’t going to be in the world series this year. But it’s not always about winning… so don’t feel bad and just have a good time with your team spirit! Wooo Woo!

          Winning the lottery to live in that hood, probably wouldn’t make you happy. Keeping up with the Joneses for the sake of a lake named Bitter, sounds like you have it made already, but you just don’t know it.
          Um… so thanks for being a good sport about our new bitter/sweet rivalry. 🙂

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        • I’m just bitter that the Cubs didn’t win the World Series last year like Back to the Future predicted. It would have been way cool if they did. And can you believe that even 30 years ago in 1985, it was still a deal that the Cubs didn’t win one. I almost wish they would win one, so Cubs fans would be bitter that they didn’t have some injustice against them and something to be bitter about.

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        • You are MOOOST funny Mr. Ben!!! Ha! You totally cracked me up!!! 🙂
          Alas tho, I am indeeeeeeeed HAPPY the Cubs are cosmically handicapped! Them Chicago peeps need some humility in their sports town. It’s true NObody makes a hotdog better tho. Hands down, Chicago has the dogs to die for.
          um so…I have a “bittersweet” rival in my life who is a looooooooong term Cubs fan. He has developed a very good attitude overall and seems not bitter about anything. So it’s MUCHO appropriate you and I pile on… 🙂
          I love your back to the future reference. I feel ya on that one. 🙂
          I have the Giants on the radio now… many hamstrings have been pulled this year for my boys… and now there are balls ricocheting… it’s AWESOME! whew.

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        • I wish I could like baseball, but I can’t. I used to love it when I was in high school, but basketball took over my life after than and I could never sit down and watch a baseball game after watch how much action was packed into a basketball game. Anyways, I’m glad you have a rivalry with a Cubs fan. Rivalries are a favorite of mine and I post about them all the time. I’m fascinated by rivalries and all that entail them, whether they are in sports, or work or even ingredients in a kitchen. Like what is the salt vs pepper thing about? Do they despise each other? Do they fight over who gets more play on an omelette?

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        • Oh MY GOD Mr. Ben!!!!!! NO! My heart is not only sunk but struck! NO WAY did you opt for the eeeeasy peeasy of basketball and GIVE UP, the TRUE BATTLE GROUND of the intellectual, sixth sense, connected to the galaxy, and physical drama of the baseball!? You gave up the superstition and the physics for two teams running back and forth? You gave up the The Zen and the meaning of life for a flash in the pan!!!!?????!!!! For a hot bet?
          Oh dear sir glove thrown down and our rivalry is RICH indeed. 🙂 I shall convince YOU Mr. Ben, in time of your missteps and humor you only so far because I like you, for sure. 🙂

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        • Your heart can stop all it wants and you can try to convince me that baseball is magical, but it won’t work. Intellectual it may be, but I’m not an intellectual. And I can’t be convinced to like a game that can go 162 games, have 3 1/2 hour games, and have a ball go hundreds of times between a pitcher and batter and nothing happen. I think you overestimate my need to know the meaning of life through a baseball game.

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        • Oh go ahead and lie to yourself now, dear sir. I am not talking about seduction or magic. I’m talking about chess. I’m talking about science and you will COME back to the light after your dallying with the superficial. I assssssssssssure you. 🙂

          You won’t be able to sleep.

          You will try hard to resist.

          But in the end you will chooooooooose Brains and majestic innings to anything so shallow as a fast paced bet.

          I know this about you. I just do. 🙂

          You say it’s that “nothing happens.”

          Nothing could be FURTHER from the truth!!!!
          OMG, to be able to control everything thru a pitcher (and a catcher).

          You need to think of how you despise the comic super heroes. Basketball is FAST and EASY.

          Baseball is human. It is REAL. Patient and beyond the obvious. Truly Bitter people know in their hearts that what is missing is the love of baseball.

          I throw my glove down!

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        • The thing about comparing baseball to chess is that not everyone likes chess. Some people like checkers(and some don’t like either).
          Yes, basketball is cheap and easy, but there is a lot more going on with it that lots of people don’t see just like baseball. I played in high school and it isn’t always just 10 people running up and down a court. It has just as many l subtleties as baseball does, but if you aren’t a close watcher of basketball, (just as you are a close watcher of baseball) you won’t see it. Many people just see the slam dunks, the threes and the blocks, but I see the back cuts, the screens and the sliding through of the picks and the defensive tactics that others don’t see. You’re gonna have a tough sell, trying to convert me, Tabby. I’m old and stubborn.

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        • Oh… it’s not about “liking” or “preferring” Mr. Ben… You see, I’m a woman. Not a white man that is “entitled.” so I see the complexity and the nuance and the REAL. I love baseball for the Chess and the Zen and not for what “i want” and suddenly it becomes so much more. I never was a baseball fan, believe you me… this was accidental so I wouldn’t market it for any other reason that true love.
          You liked my art for a reason. I am not Tabby. I am a.k.a Tabby. I will let you scoop me on your own tho…
          You like baseball in your toes and your soul. You just aren’t awake yet. I so say.
          Glove thrown down again, my rival blogger comrade. 🙂

          I live in a town that has sports colleges and radio take over via Texas that Phil Knight and Nike have been taking over… and I’ve watched it since I was nine years old being from a mildly political family. SOOOOOOOO basketball is ok. like it. But Baseball, is akin to Stephen Hawking. To the galaxies. To the big bang.

          You’re not old. You’re not stubborn,

          you just haven’t met ME yet.

          I will help you if you let me. 🙂

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        • Well, I am a white man, so I guess I am entitled. To what I’m not sure. I not a good debater so I’m sure you will overwhelm me with all kinds of things, but I’m a bottom line guy.
          And yeah, I’m old and stubborn. Because I say so.

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        • Naw, don’t bow out Mr. Ben. You’re in the game. You’re not old. You feel old. You are entitled as a white man, so learn about that in the new day. No guilt. Just awareness. And evolution. Which doesn’t exclude spirituality. You got a blog and more likes and follows than I. I am not a know it all or your judge even tho I go heavy. You kept liking my art As K. J. Legry so I decided to find out our kinship.

          I dig you. So dance at the risk of “looking stupid” and Be bitterly you even tho you have an OBVIOUSLY good heart. You can’t fool me. You’re a god guy.

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        • Not trying to fool you, just trying to entertain. And I do have a lot of opinions about a lot of stuff, just try to keep most of them to myself and definitely don’t blog about them. Because I don’t have energy for debating. I do have energy for humor and bitterness.

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        • Oh… I have ENERGY!
          I am not just about humor and NEVER bitter for the sake of it.

          I am an abused woman seeking to safe her life from online bullying and off. I am against rape culture, and online trolls. I go to bat in my real life and virtual reality. Anyone one who encounters me is both LUCKY and perhaps… in out of their league.

          Not boasting. Just finding out my truths.

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        • And I am way against abuse of any kind. And being dominant over anyone for any reason. If anyone leads it should be with kindness and service not out of dominance and power.

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        • Oh… btw… I played on basketball teams and was in track too…

          Did NOT play baseball at all well, altho I can throw like a badass.

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        • Yeah I liked playing basketball, and was okay in outfield… basketball was more fun to play.
          Then I just went track and field. But that’s boring to watch and bad on the knees! Any advice?

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        • Well, all of those sports were bad on my knees, especially basketball. I’m paying dearly for that. I had to finally give up my BELOVED basketball when I was 40 though.

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        • Keep walking. Basketball is fun but not important. You belove it because it made you FEEL. It can not take away from you or diminish you because you feel an age. 40is young. Be younger than you feel… and walk… and notice the rocks under your feet or the grass and listen to the birds, because life is short but NOT fast paced. There is an illusion.

          You can tell me I am a preachy not bitter enough advice giving sham btw. Humble me. I’m open.

          You have a good rant and a real reason. I like that.

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  10. Weather control.

    I fear I’m a bit too much of an ass to be trusted with such powers. Things like making it rain on picnics, or putting a rain cloud right at the exit of a car wash. My favorite football team is losing…fog bank. Someone walking around sticking advertisements for something I don’t care about on cars or front doors….hit them with an 80 MPH gust of wind. Don’t feel like going to work…snow day.

    Morphing into other people

    I won’t go into detail on this one, but there is a long list of people from my past and present who’s lives would never be the same.

    -Steve (or am I)

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    • Oh you bitter believe that any power I get will be for the benefit of my entertainment at the expense of others. I think maybe a little ice on the ground when people are driving on the highway, so I can record it and make some sweet gifs. Sounds like a dream.

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  11. You’re right. Ant Man was dumb. I however would like to have the power to control ALL of the animals. Birds would no longer drop their payloads on my car, I would send them to the freshly washed cars of my neighbors. My dog armies would mess on the lawns of my enemies, until they submit to my way of thinking. Deer, gophers, moles…eat their shrubbery! Ahh ha ha ha ha Ah ha ha ha ha!

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  12. I am a bit out touch with superheroes these days. Don’t they fly anymore? Superman could fly. Batman was such a nerd because he couldn’t fly. Just think of flying to work without getting stuck in traffic jams, and the money saved in airfares would be fantastic. Of course, you might have to travel a little light.

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  14. Haha, this is hilarious. I’ve gotten up to speed on all these movies because my husband LOVES them.

    I’ve always thought the worst power in the world would be the ability to read minds, because who needs the grief? You’d use it because you’d be curious and then obsess about all the petty crap people were thinking about you. The last thing I need to know is how the person I’m talking too thinks I’ve put on a few pounds or that my ears are uneven or something.

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    • Yeah, I’ve liked most of them too, but it’s almost too much now. Like Cap just came out and next week it is X-Men. Two Marvels in the same month. Just a little too fatigued right now.
      I couldn’t handle the reading minds thing. I have enough thoughts in my head without having to read other people’s boring thoughts. Especially when most of them would be bitter ones about me.

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  17. I would be the Super Sleeper. With my special powers, I’d be able to fall asleep in any situation, no matter how noisy, or uncomfortable. And I’d be able to sleep for as long as I wanted. And whenever danger came around I’d fall asleep instantly, so I wouldn’t have to face it, or experience any feelings of terror.

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  18. I’ve always said that, given a choice in the matter, I’d want to get superpowers useful in daily life rather than powers useful in a fight. Just enough control over time to make boring parts of the day go by faster and great parts last longer, temperature control for my immediate surroundings to keep myself and my family comfortable in any weather, teleportation so I never have to drive anywhere, stuff like that. I’m sure I’d find a way to screw that up, though – perhaps teleporting into a wall or accidentally fast-forwarding through something that seemed boring but turned out to be really important. And my wife would always be cold, because my idea of a comfortable temperature and hers are very different. Maybe it’s good I don’t have these powers.

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    • Yeah, who needs all those super powers for fighting. That all just sounds so exhausting. I would much rather just use the speed to rush through things to come home and play video games and be lazy, but as soon as people knew you could do stuff fast, you would always be doing chores for them.

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  19. This is why the “before” Hancock is my favorite superhero. Not so much the “after.” The last really good thing he did was throw that little shit into the stratosphere.

    I’m bitter about his reformation.

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