You probably think you work hard because you work like 5 days a week and 8 hours a day. You are definitely right. That is way too much work. As I’ve spoken about before I think 3 1/2 days a week is enough. Why should work be done on more than 50% of our weeks. Who invented the weekday vs. the weekend and made the weekday much longer? People would stay alive much longer if they knew they didn’t have to wake up on Monday mornings.
Speaking of work, at mine we are always trying to find something in our operating system. And we have these customers that give us so little information, that finding something is like being Sherlock Holmes. Luckily, as Sherlock Holmes we have a Watson that does all our work. (Asterisk is Watson.)
Customer: “Can you send me an invoice for a radio we ordered 7 years ago?”
Me: “Do you have the order number? Or PO number, or date it was ordered?”
Them: “No.” Pause like I’m supposed to figure out their precise order with no information whatsoever.
Me: “Alright, give me just a lifetime and I will get back to you never…” is what I say in my head. “Let me see what I can do..” Is what I actually say.
This is where the asterisk starts doing all the work, while I sit on hold rolling my eyes at my customer. I hit the little starry shaped symbol on my computer and she goes to work. She scans everything in their account. The order numbers, the purchase order numbers, the serial numbers, the bad decisions he made, his criminal background records, his late bill payments, she is even checking his journal entries about his crush on a girl in junior high. She is Watson on steroids. And 3 minutes later when she comes back with all the info, I report back to the customer.
Me: “It looks like nothing came up. Sorry.” Asterisk, bitterly rages in the corner at me and guy for making her work so hard and using none of her hard work.
Asterisk is also a get out of jail free card to say whatever you want. You make some absurd claim about something, put a little asterisk next to it, and people have to suspend their bitterness against whatever is said until you read the whole story at the bottom of the page or end of the book. Or where ever you want to put the asterisk. And you have to find the asterisk and try to connect the thoughts somehow. Or they just end up being too lazy to find the asterisk and you get away with everything*. Asterisk has to do all this running around and explaining things, while hoping that someone, anyone find the information at all useful. Again she is stewing at the end of pages, at the back of books, or dangling in the air knowing she will never meet her matching asterisk in bitter hopelessness.
Asterisk is the beep equivalent for written words. While beeps get all the laughs and pub on TV covering up bad words, asterisks are relegated to the printed word. She is in charge of covering up the bad words of people in books, webpages, comics or magazines. She continues to do it, despite the fact that everyone knows exactly what is hiding behind her. She gets the printed word that is permanent, that conservatives can rant and rail against her even though she is doing her job to cover them. Even though she does her best to hide them, it only draws attention to them. She sits there bitterly thinking of many words she would like say, but censors herself.
Asterisk is every password. Whether it is 6, or 8 or even 16 digits, asterisk is every single password. At least visually. Again, she is in charge or guarding or protecting people’s passwords. She would be happy about it too, but because of her doing her best to protect people’s private information, people just get mad at her for making them forget their passwords. And she ends up being so bitter that she sits in the corner stewing. Now she can’t remember her password. *****!
AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGH
Bitter ******** Ben
*I can’t remember what I was supposed to put here. Blame asterisk.
I like using asterisks on work documents when I think I only have one comment. Except I keep finding more things I need to explain. Three asterisks seem to be the limit before I need to find something else for the next comment. People don’t like counting asterisks
LikeLike
I like putting asterisks in random places on random words with no intention of using them. Causes quite a stir.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re right. I hate that.
LikeLike
Which is why people don’t really want to read my writings.
LikeLike
haha
u r so funny
and
such an interesting write always!
LikeLike
You must have put an asterisk at the end of that sentence and then put “not”.
LikeLiked by 1 person
hehe
yah!
******
this was my pw!
smiling
LikeLiked by 1 person
Love this topic.
1. in Europe, until about wwI, every second day was a holiday. You put on your fancy clothes, went to church in the morning, and had a half day off. They built cathedrals, we*******
2. actually you might check your spell-checker. Asterix is probably what you mean, a small roman cartoon figure who always fights the romans, and always wins. Send him out, and you could probably go home for a couple of days. Just saying.
LikeLike
I love me some holidays and we have entirely too few of those here. I keep trying to get that changed, but my laziness is preventing me from getting more laziness.
LikeLiked by 1 person
This was an F****** good post!
LikeLike
We asterisk’s do have a lot of jobs like this for instance*.
LikeLiked by 1 person
And I was just testing her to ensure she was on her game. But why her? If the asterick is a girl, which punctuation is male and why? 🙂
LikeLike
Why not her? Asterisk’s can’t be a male or female? This one just happened to be a girl.
LikeLiked by 1 person
“Alright, give me just a lifetime and I will get back to you never…”
As a receptionist, this is my official comeback for everything ever now.
LikeLike
I get to do some backup receptionist duties for lunch everyday and I wish I could use that more.
LikeLike
asterisk sounds like something you find on a toilet seat after an accident…in a foreign language..
LikeLike
And it could symbolize that too, being that it is in charge of censoring all kinds of bad language.
LikeLike
HAHAHAHA I am dying!! Your blog is hilarious. I’m totally the person on the other line………… Keep the posts coming!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow, this is the first time I caused someone to die. Hopefully your family doesn’t blame me.
I will keep the posts coming. Like today for instance…
LikeLike
Asterisks multiply my irritation with the world.
LikeLike
I totally forgot about the multiplication aspect of the asterisk. That girl is busy!
LikeLike
I hate when people use asterisks as decor. Quit decorating your literature and use it properly gosh!!!
LikeLike
I know right? If it can’t be said in a sentence it’s called the delete key. Let asterisk’s just cover up passwords and swear words.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Especially swear words. Also acceptable are $!%# and ;(
LikeLike
Yeah, I guess asterisk does like to team up with others to cover some swears. I think the most famous ones make Jimmy Kimmel.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Heh, heh… he said ass-terisk. Gotta love Beavis and Butthead. 🙂
LikeLike
Yep, they were classic.
LikeLike
This comment can be found here * here * there * ; )
LikeLike
I can’t wait to do some asterisk matching to find out what the heck your comment was.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I would be happy to help but I have just lost mine. & (asterisk substitute)
LikeLike
Losing things is pretty common to me so I understand. Losing wallets, the junior high city high jump, not weight, the lottery. I’m exceptional at losing things.
LikeLike
And don’t forget, she’s not even as cool as the number sign that went on to become hashtag or the @ sign which was popularized in email addresses!
LikeLike
Yeah, pound sign/hashtag thinks she’s pretty hot stuff right now, but her time as the trendsetter will pass just as the all do.
LikeLike
you think? I heard she was hanging out with the Kardashians again yesterday #nakedselfies.
LikeLike
She hangs out on Instagram a lot, but the Kardashians kind of hog the hashtags quite a bit.
LikeLike
I know what you mean!
LikeLike
It’s like they are BFF’s.
LikeLike
You’re right. She is the most overworked symbol out there. Maybe they can change hashtag to &, it doesn’t seem to work that hard. I think there should be a National # Appreciation Day, kind of like Labor Day. We can give it the day off and everything.
LikeLike
As long as we get a day off, I think we should do it. And I’m sure people would be hashtagging it all day too.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dangit, now I’m going to have to change all my passwords. I didn’t know everyone else was using the same one. I wonder, is the asterisk anatomically correct? Well, thanks for raising my asterisk awareness. I will think kind thoughts of her during those times she shows up unexpectedly while I’m trying to type the number 8.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s nice because now whenever I want to steal money I know the passwords. I’ll probably skip you because I’ve stolen enough, unless you have millions somewhere, and that changes everything.
LikeLiked by 1 person
By far, the best blog post I have read this morning.*
LikeLike
By far the best comment on this blog ever.*
LikeLike
I hate it when I find asterisks on items and I try to find the matching one to see what’s so important to hide from people’s first glances, and there is none -_-
LikeLike
I know. I usually forget what the heck I read before I find the asterisk I need and then I have to go searching for the original. It’s the eternal loop of the asterisk .
LikeLiked by 1 person