Work-Life Imbalance

/ bensbitterblog
Where's Bitter Ben? His report is due. Uh, he just force vanished again.

I’ve been ghosting you all. Get over it.

If you’ve noticed the lack of enthusiasm coming from this side of the bitterblogosphere, it’s because I’ve been on vacation this week. Going to exotic locations like the grocery store, the movie theatre and the backyard to avoid getting a lawsuits because of our stupid trampoline. I don’t generally go to exotic locales because you guys haven’t exactly contributed to my Kickstarter fund, which is all about making me independently wealthy, by virtue of making you guys all dependently poor. Since that hasn’t been trending on Twitter, my dream of living off your nightmares hasn’t come to fruition, but you know, when have my dream ever come true? That’s why I’m so bitter all the time.

Speaking of me trying to live off your nightmares, doesn’t it just make you so bitter that things just aren’t fair all the time in life? I’m guessing your mom or dad has probably been telling you since the beginning of time that life isn’t fair, just like mine. But it doesn’t mean you should have to suppress those bitter feelings about it. Unless you are an introvert like me and instead you just like to write essays and blog posts about it.

Like for instance, how in the heavens name can companies try to pretend like there is a thing called work-life balance? I don’t know about you, but I work 5 days a week and go to church one day a week. If there really was a balance, I would work 3 1/2 days, and be home 3 1/2 days. And I wouldn’t work 12 months out of the year, I would work 6(I would even give up my sick days and vacation days. Just kidding, I wouldn’t.) and the commute time would be part of my work day (at least the drive there)  and the companies should pay for that. Either that, or quit trying to make up this thing called work-life balance. And they should go halfsies on vacation expenses, and gas for work. It’s pretty clear work is on the high side of the teeter totter.

Work wins as usual.

Work wins as usual.

Speaking of balance, why are only people that defy gravity able to juggle? I mean just because I lean a little to the left because of a shorter leg, have a short attention span when it comes to throwing three balls in the air for more than three or four times, and not a fan of gravity, why can’t I be just as good at juggling as the pro jugglers? Why does juggling have to be so elitist towards people with good balance? And why should they get all kinds of ravenous, loyal fans just because they can throw a bowling ball, a chainsaws and a gas can in the air? Why can’t I get mad fans for being able to scowl in several different ways? Why does that kind of talent not make the finals of America’s Got Talent and lose bitterly to the ventriloquist?  Because when it comes to talent, jugglers get the top rung of the ladder.

Nope!

Nope!

And when it comes to entertainment that both thrills and is the cause of the vast majority of potential injuries and lawsuits at our house, the trampoline wins the World Series of NBA Championship of Golf Super Bowl. I don’t know if it’s the stretchy material that has the potential to launch someone 15 feet in the air, the proclivity to attract 40 neighborhood kids to gather on a tramp at a time like dudes are to chicken wings, or if it is the tendency for kids to try doing flips, flops and odd contorting on a tramp that they never attempt on land, but those things are a circular, metal springed, lawsuit waiting to happen.  And here we are with an improperly balanced tort machine when we should be jailed for our imbalance of even letting kids anywhere near that thing. Good thing they won’t ever attempt to do anything stupid on there.

Just what we hope for .

Just waiting to happen. 

Well, I’m sure you thought this post started out on a great note and then faded from there. But I’m a writer dang it, and just because this post wasn’t completely balanced just perfectly for you, maybe you shouldn’t be such a hypocrite. I’ve seen your checkbook and it isn’t balanced either. Some excessive money in your account hasn’t been donated to Kickstarter. Balance it up, weirdos.

ARRRRRGGGGGGHHHH

Bitter Out of Balance Ben

 

 

54 thoughts on “Work-Life Imbalance”

  2. Living off the nightmares of others was a there in the partially animated film ‘Twice upon a time’ (produced by George Lucas). Reading your essay reminded me of that. Good luck with the Kickstarter campaign. Maybe we should start a Kickstarter FOR the Kickstarter?

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  3. Can this post get anymore hilarious then it is right now? I feel sorry for all those who work with you, who have to laugh at your jokes all day :p

    Jokes aside, thanks for this post man! As always awesome.

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  9. It seems that work-life balance refers to balancing the overtime hours with your non-working hours. This 5 day work week idea has been around for 90 years..I think it’s time for a change!

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    • I think a lot of things that will probably never make a change, but the holidays in this country are way too few, the hours way too long and the burnout on people way too much. If we had less work, we would be a much less bitter people.

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  10. i sumwhut can’t berleave that know-wun hazz oar hazzn’t kawmintid, yet.
    balance. bitter. bulbousness. blue-babbaroonie. hmmm. all “b” werdz.
    readin’ at this blog burrring!zzz out the pro-found in me. aw-pause-it of pro … lost? profoundly lost?
    speekinuv knight-mares (as compared to, say, night-time stallions, or) — i continue to regularly entertain or experience of undergo nightmares, ‘cept i’m not as scared (still bitter, tho’) nor de-railed by ’em. for example, i had to get out of a friend’s car to open a gate, ‘cept that he (and they) didn’t go thru’ the gate but drove away and i expected them to come get me, ‘cept they didn’t, and i was barefoot, and it was a long way to walk wherever it was, and i wasn’t particularly depressed, i had shorts and a t-shirt and the nightmare/dream-cycle sun was shining (which, reminds me — I HAVE NEVER NOTICED NOR SEEN THE SUN IN A DREA.M. OR. NIGHTMARE). sort of a filtered sad source-less light. there were hillbillies and i was in a sort of appalachian demented hillbilly village and fortunately i didn’t even think of “deliverance” or anything like that.
    sad, huh?

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  11. Oh, heck! My life has always been so unbalanced, that to be what the rest of the world calls “balanced” would make me feel unbalanced. And yes, I am bitter about that fact, in an unbalanced way, of course. Thanks for bringing the topic up.

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  13. I have serious balancing problems 😦 I’m always the only below-fifty loser that has to hold on to the wall when stretching my legs. I totally get you on this, Ben, I totally do.

    And I think trampolines are scary. Especially with three kids and a dog on them. And me. It’s just… not a good combination.

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    • I can’t even stretch when holding a wall, so you aren’t the worst off there. And yeah, that trampoline has caused more injuries and close call injuries and me being out of breath than just about anything in the world.

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  15. The Work-Life Balance works like this: First you work, then you retire. Then you hope your retirement years will last at least as long as your work years. Even though, if they do, you’ll be very old and sick all the time.

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  16. Oh, but there is a work/life balance. You work 8 hours and have the other 16 hours to do what you want.

    True, sleep takes up 8, and if you have children at home the remaining 8 aren’t your own. But life has trade-offs. In those 8 hours, you get to enjoy A/C, walls that don’t show the pattern of concrete blocks, an entertainment center, living room furniture, and someone to cook for you. Because I hate A/C and don’t care if I have living room furniture or an entertainment center, I can work 15 hours a week.

    Were you to try that, the words “man cave” would take on a whole new meaning. 🙂

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  17. Actually, an excessive amount of money has been transferred out of my bank account into a Kickstarter Fund under the name of Bitter Ben’s Vacation Fund. I’m just trying to figure out who transferred it there…

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