The Bitter Ecosystem

/ bensbitterblog
This where you will NOT be visiting this summer.

This where you will NOT be visiting this summer.

As spring heats up, many people turn their attention to being at work all day, while some “other lucky people” that aren’t them are going on glamorous vacations to tropical paradises around the world.  Some people are jealous of the sandy beaches that others get to soak up the rays in.  Others are jealous of the people that get to go on a sweat soaked jungle adventure, while still others are bitter of others that get to adventure on cross country road trips, seeing all kinds of landscapes, barren deserts, dry, cool forests or dangerous volcanoes.  There is something for everyone to be jealous of this spring and that is what makes this earth so unique.  We have this giant world out there to explore and we don’t get to see any part of it except for the stupid view out the window we have to get up from our desk to view.  The earth isn’t the only thing that has an ecosystem.  We all have one inside us.  Like me.  My bitterness takes all kinds of ecosystems.

There is no Oasis in the Bitter Desert.

There is no Oasis in the Bitter Desert.

The Desert –  I hope what I just spelled is the dry, dusty, place and not the thing you eat after dinner.  Being around me is no treat.  My personality and sense of humor are drier and dustier than the Sahara Desert.  No one can meet me or talk to me for more that 5 minutes and survive the utter boredom within that part of my ecosystem.  You will be begging for some water, or will even take sand over having to be around me any longer.  Unfortunately, any hope for an oasis is an illusion.  Flee before it is too late and you are caught up in the deadly sandstorms.

Don't expect to make it off this island.

Don’t expect to make it off this island.

The Island – While it seems intriguing to make a visit to an island, with the promise of sandy white beaches and gorgeous sunsets, you must always remember that it is an island.  You are surrounded by sharks, leaches and really annoying overtalkers.  Despite warnings like this sign at the entrance of the island, “You are not welcome here. Go back to your cubicle to where you came from and never speak of this place to any of your friends,” people continue to brave the waters.  There is no entertainment here, it isn’t quiet, there is not shade from the sun, the food is poisonous, and the wildlife is even worse.  Death lurks around every corner.  There are no homemade lei’s to welcome you here.  Do not enter.

If you don't go away soon, I, uh, it will erupt.

If you don’t go away soon, I, uh, it will erupt.

The Volcano – This volcano has been inactive for 41 years.  It is lazy and lethargic but don’t mistake that for its ability to be a danger to you at any time.  It has been building up resentment, anger and rage for a long time now and all it needs to blow its top is another stupid word from you.  And you wouldn’t like this volcano when it is angry.  But go ahead, try the old bike trip up to the volcano.  Nothing bad’s happened here before.

Leads directly to Mistake Lake.

Leads directly to Mistake Lake.

The Raging Rapids – Are you a control freak? Do you always drive because you just can’t trust anyone else to do it bitter than you?  Do you always wake up at the same time everyday? Is your sock drawer organized? Then welcome to Raging Rapids where you will never feel in control.  We have plenty of No Sense of Security rafts here.  Join your Instructor I. M. Unstable as he takes you on a rapids tour on Insecure River that leads to Mistake Lake.

Don't forget to visit Cold Shoulder. It will make you feel right at home.

Don’t forget to visit Cold Shoulder. It will make you feel right at home.

 

The Frozen Tundra – Bring your gloves and heavy coat here because you will be visiting a lot of places here.  Come visit the Cold Shoulder.  A place where you can talk to your hearts content and you will be ignored as if you were talking to a rock.  If the Cold Shoulder isn’t enough for you, there is always the Icy Heart.  It was once called Warm Heart where people once felt excited and comfortable, but when it froze became an impenetrable fortress of unwelcomeness. Be prepared to feel betrayed by your visit there.   There is also a hotel the helps you feel really unwelcome with their Cold Reception desk, and no elevator but lots of Icy Stares.

There is a whole big world out there, full of adventure.  Look out your window longingly at it, knowing you will never get to see any of it, except on your computer desktop and that one failing memory you have when you were a bratty kid and didn’t appreciate that one vacation your parents took you on.  This will help form the Bitter Ecosystem that is becoming you.

ARRRRGGGGHHH

Bitter Ecosarcastic Ben

64 thoughts on “The Bitter Ecosystem”

  1. Pingback: The Bitter Ecosystem – clearancerose

  2. Don’t forget Bitter Mountain, where you will look up and find nothing but stony looks and falling rocks that will hit you on the head, giving you a headache to match the migrane you gave the Bitter Mountain by showing up in the first place.

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  3. You omitted one major ecosystem which merits – at least – an honorable mention: Texas. Sure, there are some bright points (San Antonio, Houston), but most of it is boring and dull and ENDLESS.

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    • Oh my gosh, yes. I once took a trip to San Antonio and from El Paso to San Antonio was just one long endless trip of tumbleweed for 8 hours. I think there was maybe one town there, so I had to stop and get gas, eat and go to the bathroom, because that was the only spot I could find for hours.

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  4. Now now Ben. Don’t be showing off. There are a lot more bitter places in this world of ours that I can think of. Maybe you aren’t that bitter afterall! Muahahaha! I’ve wanted to board down an active volcano.

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  5. Meh. I am rarely envious of other people’s vacations. Vacations away from the cave (or cubicle) are mostly overrated. Too many people, too much time away from the computer screen, and too much spending money I don’t really have to spend. I’d rather stay put and take imaginary vacations.

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    • Yeah, I’m sure that sounds like a great idea for other people. I assume it gets really hot and I’m already one that’s temp is on the high side, so I’ll let you tell me all about that one.

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  8. I love the Icy Stares line. I too once had much nicer ecosystems. Then climate change took over, fueled by the old fossil that I’ve become. Or maybe it was caused by excessive sun spots, or liver spots. There’s a bitter debate going on inside me, about that. I do wonder, is bitterness natural or man-made?

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  10. Pingback: I got an Oscar Award. | Stories from the far side of normal

  13. HEY, BEN! LOVE the videos – especially the one of the little girl and the Diet Coke/Mentos! Yeah, I agree with you about having to spend time with your “family” on the holiday. My husband’s Aunt Jane was supposed to stop by on Saturday (July 5th) because her computer wasn’t working, and she wanted Charlie (my husband) to look at it. Well, I forgot to set my alarm, and I’m an Olympic sleeper, so I woke up at 11:15 (a.m.). And five minutes after I sat down to eat breakfast, I get a text from Charlie that Jane was on her way to our house. I wasn’t dressed. The sink was full of dishes. The bathroom downstairs wasn’t clean. ACK!!! I jumped up and got dressed, and guess what? Just as I finished cleaning the toilet (and the kitchen was still a mess), Aunt Jane arrived with Uncle Phil and Aunt Barbara. Awesome! And Barbara’s one of those people who probably called her BFF as soon as she got home to chat about my horrendously unkempt house – despite her saying, “Oh, we don’t care if the house is clean or not”. Yeah, so I was very close to being BITTER toward the universe that day when all I really wanted to do was put on my bathing suit and read on the deck in the beautiful sunshine…but, no, it took over an hour to fix Jane’s computer while I was fielding 90 questions from Phil about Nana and a dozen other topics. He used to be a cop, so he’s naturally inquisitive…but anywho…never did get to read/snore in my hammock. So, next year, we are going OUT OF TOWN alone on the 4th! 🙂

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  14. Ahhhahaha, this is wonderful. Smart play on the elements … You remind me of my little sister. Not like…relationship wise – personality wise. Gosh, that whole thing just sounds weird.

    Anyway…

    Can’t wait to get back into my office tomorrow morning – where I get to gaze out my window out onto the handicap ramp……..and the top half of the parking lot – sometimes some sun gazes in…It’s kinda like being at the beach.

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    • Don’t get burned in your fancy work beach. Those flourescent lights must give you just the right glow huh? So your sister is bitter like me or just really bad at sports. That seems like a very not nice thing to say about your sister.

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  16. Pingback: In case you missed it…because you were busy celebrating Independence Day by being with you Framily | Ben's Bitter Blog

  17. People that like beaches make me bitter 😦 Due to the fact that I am partially red-headed (yes, partially…no dye necessary), the sun seems to make me burn. Slathering on sunscreen is like slathering cooking oil on to keep of the sun. Doesn’t work!
    And all of that beautiful, shifting sand…right into your socks and hair.
    All of those happy, smiling people just waiting to crowd the beach and ruin the stamped sands (yes, they have stamps for sand now). Ironically, in order to protect the turtles, the image of turtles must be tread underfoot…. Maybe what not to do in real life?
    Ironically, I live maybe 15 minutes from the beach and I hate it.

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    • Sounds like the beach just isn’t your ecosystem. Perhaps you like my favorites like the hurricane, or the frozen tundra. That paleness works much better there. Plus only freezer burn happens and you know you aren’t exposing any skin there.

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  18. For some reason, it won’t let me like/comment on your Friday post. (Tried yesterday and today.)
    So, for that post, I will say:
    I’ve seen that spider gif (moving picture, ha) before and I STILL wonder what sort of freaking idiot would do that.

    For this one:
    It was great. All around. The ‘bitter’ rather than ‘better’ was a good one. I could say a lot about it, like making a note of the I.M. Unstable thing. (Which made me CTM.) Cold Shoulder was my favorite, I think.

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  23. What I learned in school Desert vs Dessert. Dessert is what you want after dinner because you would love to have a “Second helping of SweetS” but you would only want to be stuck in the DeSert Once.. You’re welcome

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