Bitter Easter Disaster

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Pinterest’s version of Easter.

I’m sitting here on a Monday morning, bitter that I’m work. Bitter that it’s a Monday morning, bitter that it’s cold out. Bitter that I barely slept at all over the weekend. And I just wanted to stay in bed. And yet here I am. For some reason, I am scarily dependent when it comes to being somewhere. It is the worst possible good trait you could have because it backfires all the time. The bitter part is that universe didn’t want me to be here. So not only do I not want to be here, but the universe doesn’t want me to be here. To help you understand why, let’s rewind 72 hours.

Hop in my time rewinder and go back to "Good" Friday.

Hop(get it hop, Easter) in my time rewinder and go back to “Good” Friday.

Rrrrrrrrr….wowoh…wowowhhh..wowhhhh…Sorry my rewind button is kind of ancient. It might take a little while…hwhwhwhwhhw…skdfhshhfsl..ekkekekke….shre..shreeechhh…Got it at Blockbuster…It’s kind of a VCR one….a minute more….lkjldkjfslkjf…

Okay..

So my sister had a baby a few weeks ago and they wanted to get it blessed on Sunday. She lives in Boise about 7 hours in the best conditions, plus one hour for a time change. They desperately wanted me to come because you know, I’m related to them and they wanted me to see this tiny person. I told them I wasn’t so sure because it is our fiscal year end and things get really crazy near the end of the year. I can’t take any time off. But they countered with, “Oh, just drive up for the weekend, attend the blessing, then drive back after the blessing.”

Before you know it, we decided to make it a quick weekend trip. So Friday, I managed to be able to get off about 45 minutes early, and we were off for the 8 hour drive. We managed to miss the normal traffic that gets in our way out there, and with only a few stops, managed to get there about midnight. We finally got to sleep about 1:30 am  and slept at my parents temporary place on air mattresses (meaning we didn’t sleep at all) and woke up about 7:15 am.

Saturday was all about getting ready for Easter/kid blessing feast that we would have at 6 pm. Sunday was blessing at 11 am, then we had to jet just after the blessing so we could home in time to go to bed. Family members did their best to delay us and they did, but I was determined to get on the road as soon as possible. They were like, don’t worry, you’ll be fine. It’s only a 7 hour drive.  Stay for pictures, have a piece of cake. It will be a piece of cake.

The first 6 1/2 hours were this.

The first 6 1/2 hours were this.

And they were right. The first 6 1/2 hours were a piece of cake. We made it through the infamous Blue Mountains without so much of a slow down. The kids were on road trip fire. No one needed to go to the bathroom, fighting was at an almost embarrassing low(I almost felt like instigating something myself, just to liven things up), and they were satisfied with food, because their Twix Easter Eggs and Starburst Jelly Beans (yes, I am open to selling out Twix and Starbust. Give me a call.) were part of their nutrious breakfast and lunch. We almost begged them to stop, but they just wanted to keep going. I almost had to remind them that they would have to go to school in the morning.

We stopped at one place to get gas, go to the bathroom and eat and then I took over. All I had to do was keep up the momentum through Yakima, get to I-90 and it was a straight shot home. I said above the first 6 1/2 hours was a piece of chocolate cake right? Well the last half an hour was a piece of fruit cake. Just gross.

The last "1/2" hour was this.

The last “1/2” hour was this.

There is this place about 50 miles from home called Snoqualmie pass. Basically it’s mile 25 of the marathon. If mile 25 was a straight shot up into the mountains, and then a straight shot down with temperatures the were about 15 degrees colder than everywhere else. And if it just so happens that Snoqualmie live up to its name Snow, then you are in trouble. And last night, boy did it live up to its name. We got about a mile from the Summit and it starts flaking, then light snowing, then blizzarding. For all you people from Arizona, Texas, Florida, Mississippi, Arkansas, Georgia, or Brazil, you won’t have any idea what I’m talking about. But it is this flaky white stuff and it causes absolute havoc when you don’t have four wheel drive, snow tires, chains, or any experience driving in the snow. Luckily, I had one of those things. Driving in the snow. But most of the people around me didn’t. So we had cars in ditches, trucks taking up lanes everywhere putting their chains on, arrogant drivers going to fast in front of and behind us, and complete and utter snow mayhem going on everywhere else.

A less dramatic photo of what it looked like.

A less dramatic photo of what it looked like.

We expected to get home at 6:30 pm. We drove 5 scary miles in an hour. When the traffic jam at 7:30 pm on a Sunday finally loosened up(nothing better than traffic jams on a day you don’t work) and we sped up to 25 mph, a car sped right by at a brisk 35 mph and splashed all kinds of slush all over our windshield and almost gave my wife a heart attack. Unfortunately, we made it home, so I would not have that stupid snow storm to blame as a reason to not go to work. Stupid snow storm couldn’t even give me that.

Snow here I am, stuck at work, buried in my own paperwork snow storm, moving at less than 5 miles an hour and probably not able to leave this regular everyday disaster for another 8 hours.

ARRRRGGGGHHHHH

Bitter Snowpacalypse Ben

53 thoughts on “Bitter Easter Disaster”

  1. yeah, bittrrr indeed. indead.
    sounds like an almost-typical journey “over the hill” to Denver from my house!
    at least you (presumably) used the restroom somewear before being stuckkentraphick 4 moochos hours/horas. (i filled up TWO coffee containers, engine idling, no escape in sight, with recycled coffee on a recent trip)

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  3. They made me go to the inlaws/grandparents on Easter. And made me drive 3/4 of the trip. I didn’t even get my own chocolate, so I stole a little from the kids. The highlight of the trip was my couch at the finish line. Is there any Easter chocolate still on sale at the store? How about bourbon? Grumblef__MurmurGrumblemumblemumple.

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    • I know. You should have to put in a little effort into your movie that you watched. Though there never should have been a few to rewind in case you were in a hurry.
      Yeah, I grew up in South Dakota, so we had them all the time, but here we almost always just have rain and we didn’t have any winter clothes or tires, so it caught us a little off guard. Thankfully, I’ve mastered the ability to drive in snow.

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  8. I am going to say something very mean, but I feel so bad for you poor Americans. Us Dutch folks (and most Europeans in fact) get TWO days of almost everything: two days of Christmas, two days of Pentecost, and, yes, two days of Easter. Everything is closed today and most people are free. I feel very bad for you. Hope you had a great Easter to make up for most of today.

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  9. Why is it we “gotta see the baby”? It’s not our baby, what is so special about their baby…there never was a baby like this one, they are beaming. Leave everything, risk your life, your job, but SEE the baby…oh , I am bitter.

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  12. Ah damn, snow storms, 8 hour drives and boring family gatherings suck! I feel like everyone in America is always like “Oh, it’s just 6 hours..” And here I am thinking how I can cross three countries in that timeframe!

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  13. Awww, I’m sorry you had such a bad experience. It is like that here in Nashville any time it snows an inch, a half inch, or a few flakes. Sheer panic. You have to stay home because of the other idiots that can’t drive in snow. I hope you get some rest and feel better soon. I hate snow!

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  16. The roadtrip to get home always seems five times longer than it took to get there, nothing to look forward to but freak snowstorms and heading back to work. Of course, you were going to an infant blessing surrounded by family members, so maybe there wasn’t a lot to look forward to on the way there, either. Great way to keep your bitterness in practice, Ben. Me? I’ll take a STAY-cation anytime!

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