The Bitter Beneral Elections

/ bensbitterblog
Please just get him out!

We want Bitter Ben out!

On March 8th, 2012, exactly 4 year ago, we elected Bitter Ben to become president of this Bitter Blog, because, well, no one else ran. But now that his four years are up, it is time for someone, anyone else to step up. We need to elect a new leader of this blog. Bitter Ben has taken literally no advantage of his power and has run this blog into obscurity. What was once a thriving community of super bitter people has been turned into bunch of citizens who actually care about things outside of their little worlds. This menace to society, bitterness, apathy and laziness, cannot be allowed to continue as the President of the United Bitter Blog of Bittermerica.

He will try to continue his bitter reign by laying around his couch in hopes that no one else will give a care about running for this highest job in all of this blog, but this blog is whining for help. Clearly there is someone lazier, bitterer, or less qualified for this job. Can I get an ARRRRRGGGGH? Can I get an exasperated sigh, an eye roll, or even a whine? We need to rally around someone else, any one else to please just take over this blog.

Are we going to just let him be lazy and not care about the bitterness? No!

We need someone with energy… 

The blog climate is in dire straights. We need someone that cares about the environment…al theme of this blog. We need someone to gives 2 craps about global warming…of the hard drive. We need some who can affect the climate change…of topics around here. We need someone who cares about the energy crisis of Ben in the mornings…and afternoon…and evenings.

We need someone who cares little for the environment..

…who cares about the environment…

We need to elect someone that cares about fiscal irresponsibility. Someone who will misspend on the least important things, and forget about the really important things. Someone who misunderstands the relationship of supply and demand of posts people want, who will find just the wrong bloggers to be in debt with, who can mismanage the blog housing market, and will fund the Maddoff’s of the blogosphere. Essentially we need someone who understands how to run the benconomy into the ground.

And little about the benconomy.

…knows the benconomy…

We need someone that will be open to immigration…of posts, whether they be from registered platforms like WordPress, Tumblr,  or Blogger, or unregistered ones like MySpace, Friendster, and AOL. We need someone who will let any old virus, malware or bitterware in. The posts of this blog deserve the least amount of protection from outside these walls.

...is better at telling people what they need to do.

…knows how to deal with immigration…of posts…

We need someone that is soft on crime and will accept bribes from well established special interests advertisers like 1%er’s Nike, Ford, Comcast and Geico, or bottom of the barrel click baits, like “Here’s why movie characters eat at the most inappropriate times”. We need someone who will crowd and confuse this website so even the most optimistic of traffic will run screaming from the Bitter Blog.

...and knows how to get themselves rich quick.

…knows how to do business…

We need a bitter president that will weaken our relationships overseas. Someone who we can count on to give us the weakest possible global presence. Someone who will offends citizens of all other blogs, no matter their nationality.

We need a Bitter President who will not only strengthen the bitterness of the website, but will also encourage us to weaken our bodies with pizza eatage. He or she should also encourage other varieties of foods that are bad for us, like pasta, bread, things with mercury in them, straight sugar drinks, high buttery foods, and french fries. They should discourage the usage of vegetables, salads, kale, and other green and gross looking health stuff.

...knows how to eat healthy...

…and how to eat healthy…

And most of all, we need someone who will ignore the citizens of WordPress and not respond to their comments. This “listening” and “responding with rational thoughts” has gone on long enough around here. We need someone who will help the citizens understand that their thoughts and issue DO NOT matter around here, and are not welcome.  The CITIZENS TO NOT RE-ELECT BITTER BEN FOR PRESIDENT OF BEN’S BITTER BLOG wants your vote and need your help in finding the next bitter president of this blog. Please send your contributions to this site and let your voice be heard. Who will help us find the next Bitter President of the United Bitter of Blogmerica?

...but most of all just knows how to listen.

…but most of all just knows how to listen.

Tell us in the comments who you want to be next bitter president? How much money will your contribute? How much bribe money can you give? Do you want to be bitter president? Let us end the 4 year run of Bitter Ben…Please! Make this blog bitter again!

Show your support by saying ARRRRRGGGGGHHHH

Bitter Takeover of the Blog Ben

 

4 Year Anniversary Achievement

Happy Anniversary with WordPress.com! You registered on WordPress.com 4 years ago! Thanks for flying with us. Keep up the good blogging!

65 thoughts on “The Bitter Beneral Elections”

  4. You mean it’s not like the Supreme Bitter Court — a lifetime appointment? If anyone deserves to be bitter for the rest of their life, it’s you BitterBen. Now I’m really bitter. And tired. Too much keyboard pounding in one day. I’ll be over here on my couch. Wake me up if there’s a recount. On second thought — don’t.

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  6. No one comes close to your leadership in bitterness. My vote is for you…even though rumor has it that you are finding nonbitter retorts more often. Careful, we don’t want to lose such an awful leader as you.

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    • Well, since no one is really stepping forward, it looks like you are going to be stuck with me for a while, though the general election isn’t until November, so we will see if someone steps up to challenge my laziness and bitterness.

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  8. Uh oh, Ben’s bitterness may be faltering. There have been recent sightings of levity and optimism. Conditions may be ripe for a cynical takeover.

    You may need a truly disgruntled sergeant-in-arms to consolidate apathy. I’m not your guy, but there must be someone out there ready to take up the fight while eating Hot Pockets and grumbling.

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  10. Unfortunately, I am not bitter enough or else I would’ve ran as the first African-American woman running for President of United Bitter Blog of Bittermerica. I could’ve made history. Damnit and my plant-based lifestyle. Le sigh.

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  14. I vote to re-elect Bitter Ben. There. Now I’ve voted and I’m done with it. I don’t really care who actually wins, but Bitter Ben is the only one I know of who’s running. So let’s re-elect the bitter bastard. He was a lousy president before, and I’m sure he’ll be even lousier the next four years. And that will give everyone something to be bitter about.

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    • I think Grumpy Cat is running. Tommy Lee Jones, and a few other grumpy bitter people. I’m just counting on people like you to be lazy and not get informed about the other candidates and just vote for me. And you know 4 more years of me having to do work is pure bitterness.

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  17. Argh! No wait, that just ain’t it, I sound more like a constipated pirate. Plus, I am preparing a lovely meal with kale as we speak. Ergh, write. So sorry Ben, I’m afraid it’s all going to come down on your shoulders again, running this Bitter Blog for eternity and beyond 🙂

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  18. I am bitter about Ben and all of the above mentioned issues that are not creating enough agitation, irritation, and downright bitterness. I want to be the president of Bitter. I am far more bitter than anyone I know. Having to comment makes me bitter. Arggggh! I hate pirates. Don’t let Ben see this.

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