Bitter Rivalry of the Week: Manual vs. Automatic

/ bensbitterblog
The struggle.

The struggle.

When there was a power outage last night for a few minutes, I went into a bitter rage. I expect when I click a remote control or flip on a light switch or hit a power button that those things turn on. How could the lights have the audacity to betray my laziness? I pay good money for things to work. If I don’t show up at work they don’t pay me. Well, unless I use sick days. Or vacation days. But other than that, if I don’t work, I don’t get paid. So if the lazy lights don’t work, then unless they are taking a sick day, I shouldn’t have to pay them. I need to be seeing all kinds of refunds up in here. I expect someone at the power station to start cranking a lever or turning a dial until my power starts working.

Speaking of the way things should be done, there’s really only two ways to do things. Automatically, or manually. Many technologies have been built on the idea of helping you do something automatically and faster than you previously were able to do something. On the other hand, some people think doing something automatically robs you of learning how to work.

So here is the tale of the tape.

Stuff being done automatically.

Stuff being done automatically.

Automatically: Simple tasks just need to be done for you. Why pay workers to screw up what machines can screw up automatically on a larger scale? Like cut tomatoes, or walk to the fridge or babysit? Car washes done manually? So much work. Doors that have to be opened by hand? Waste of energy. The zombie apocalypse seems like it would happen much faster if the zombies could automate things and stop wandering around slowly. If they could get brain eating done more efficiently.

Doing stuff manually.

Doing stuff manually.

Manual: Despite my laziness, I prefer to do some things manually. I like a car to be a manual transmission, because it allows me to grind the gears so much better and faster. Doing math with the old trial and error, helps my frustration level go so much higher and become bitter so much faster. And I prefer to lay on the couch manually. Automatically doing it just doesn’t feel the right amount of lazy.

So who gets your vote on the way things should be done? Letting the robots and computers doing everything for us, so we can be like the people in Wall-E?Or do you prefer living in the stone ages where you end up with nothing but blisters and nothing getting accomplished?

Just remember that there is no wrong answer as long as you side with me on everything.

ARRRRRGGGGGGHHHH

Bitterly Manually Automatic Ben

31 thoughts on “Bitter Rivalry of the Week: Manual vs. Automatic”

  3. “And I prefer to lay on the couch manually. Automatically doing it just doesn’t feel the right amount of lazy.” – Exactly that. What’s the point of acting lazy when you do it automatically? You gotta put in some effort, really FEEL the laziness take over. Otherwise it just ain’t fun.

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  4. I know, right? Our power went out for 45 seconds last night, and it was awful. I had to use my cell phone like a flashlight to find a flashlight, and then as a TV to finish watching my show. Traumatic. But not automatic. I prefer to be one of the people manually telling the machines what to do. That way, when script kiddi…er, I mean, non-manual people press the “Go” button, lights will blink and numbers will flash, and everyone will think that the machines are working automatically, with no need for thinking or real work.

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  5. I’ve taken a break from chopping wood and stoking my woodstove to ponder your automatic vs manual question. Would that mean the end of my washboard and clothesline? No more Palmolive and pruney fingers? Manual toothbrushes? Wind-up clocks? Reading by candlelight? The magical conveniences of which you speak are surely the work of the devil. What will be next? Flying machines? (Especially ones that deliver bitterly orange Cheetos to your mouth one by one?)

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    • Yeah, trust me you don’t want to go down the slippery slope of technology. It will just lead you to doing everything automatically and just end up like me where 20 seconds with lights out causing major damage to my laziness.

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  6. can we live without the technology created by man? go off the grid? my god! how will i do my blog without spell check? without a computer and without the light my forty what bulb?

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  7. I prefer automatic, because I’m lazy. But I take care of my physical health as best I can, because automatic doesn’t always work. Then again, neither does manual. Automatic is my first choice. Manual is my backup plan. Crying in a pool of frustrated despair is my final alternative.

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  12. LOVE the Amish image first of all! Second, have you considered getting a hoover board? Is that what they are calling that new toy that now removes the need to walk, or am I just dating myself?

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