Decided not to run for president in 2020 because I couldn’t compete against this.
I’ve got announcement to make that should make everyone pretty bitter. No, I’m not running for president, because I’m afraid I would actually win, and that would require working and pretending to be important and stuff and that just doesn’t fit my schedule. It would interrupt my deep couch sitting and heavy snoring. Oh and I hear you have to be around other people and that just doesn’t suit me. Speaking of suits, I would have to wear them and they aren’t nearly as comfortable as sweats, so I think I’ll pass.
No thanks for the suits, yo.
What I do have to announce is that I have been published for the first time. And not just the publish button that I will hit at the end of this blog post. By an actual magazine. A magazine called Pilcrow and Dagger, which I was immediately attracted to because I had no idea what a Pilcrow was. And daggers are used to stab people in the back. And those ideals are what I stand for. Having no idea what I am doing, and stabbing people in the back.
Link to the website where I was published.
So I decided to submit a short story that I plagiarized from a source I know very well. My bitter blog. That’s right. I stole the idea from three posts I wrote a couple of years ago. It is a short story about a guy that can’t stand his job and uses video games to escape. So nothing like me in real life. The problem for the “character” in the short story is that video games didn’t help him escape, they actually kidnapped him.
So here’s the story ABOUT the story. I submitted it specifically for the January issue, because my short story fit the theme for that month, which was science fiction, fantasy and fairy tales. Of course, it got rejected for that, because that would have made too much sense, and since when do things make sense for me? They asked if they could keep it for future issues, which meant to me exactly what they were saying. That they never wanted to see such garbage again.
Then, about a month later I got an email saying congratulations, we want to publish your story, Another Realm, in our February/March issue which was themed, Love and Leprechauns, which makes total sense for me. They also decided that my story was the pick of the issue for their monthly podcast.
Another Podcast link in case you missed the one above.
I would like to include a link to the story, but I cannot, because you have to purchase the magazine either in digital or paper form to read it. But I can include the link to the website where you can purchase a copy(digital or paper) and I can link you to the podcast(which is free for all) of someone reading it. If you do end up buying a paper copy, I’m available for autographing it for $3000 or free depending on which option you find the most expensive. I will also be glad to sign digital copies.
Did you know I was on a Podcast?
Now that my poorly worded humble brag is over, you may return to your regularly scheduled ignoring of me. Tomorrow it is back to the regular Friday Gifture shenanigans where I will actually only subliminally implant reminders in my gifs about how awesome I am, and how bitter you are for coming back to this blog over and over again for disappointment.
AAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHH
Bitterly Published Ben