Bitter Rivalry of the Week: The Inside vs. The Outside

/ bensbitterblog
Only the most graceful...

Only the most graceful…

...best dressed...

…best dressed…

...and not creepy invited.

…and not creepy are invited.

It’s the Oscars weekend and you know what that means. Actually, I don’t, so if you know, can you tell me? Because I have no idea. I think it has something to do with some very wealthy and famous people, dressing up like it is prom and then nominating each other for the king and queen, most popular, best dressed, biggest drama queens and kings, and even throwing in awards for the AV club. Then afterwards partying like it’s 1999. Was that a big party year? As you know, the big event starts outside with the red carpet where the yearbook committee asks them questions, take pictures and judges them mercilessly. Then it moves it to the indoors, where the the pretend like it is a competition, but everyone always knows who’s going to win. And these people who are supposedly the best actors and actresses in the world, can’t seem to put together a speech that isn’t as boring as a drill, boring into the wall. Speaking of boring, here is this week’s bitter rivalry.

The outdoors are completely safe.

The outdoors are completely safe.

The outdoors – Something called fresh air. There is a variety of weather elements to choose from. From the sun, to the rain, to tornadoes, hurricanes, avalanches, and monsoons.  There is potential for adventures, like walking, running, hiking, biking, parachuting, trees, oceans, mountains, amusements parks, white water rafting, to hunting, to getting hunted. There is the safety issue of the outdoors. A much bigger chance of dying, not living, getting sick, getting eaten by a bear, getting poison ivy, getting eaten by a shark, getting in a car accident. There is also the bigger potential of the internet not working. Electricity can kill.

The indoors are very dangerous.

The indoors are very dangerous.

The indoors – Something called air conditioning and heat. Always a degree of two from being just the right temperature. Variety of types of rooms. A place to eat, a place to live, a place to bath, a place to bed, a place to laundry, a cave like room to hide out and watch movies and games and nature and sports.  Variety of venues. Houses, shacks, sheds, concerts halls, movie theaters, malls, sports arenas, work buildings, cars. Potential for many adventures. Adventures in babysitting, Netflix, sports adventures, movie nights, pillow forts, blanket forts, naps on couches, video games and movies taking you on adventures in your imaginations. Potential of dying from bear attacks, poison ivy, getting eaten by sharks, and car accidents much less. Potential of dying from diabetes, laundry and dish pile avalanches, pizza overdose, and boredom much higher. No electricity kills happiness.

So, whose side are you on? Is the lure of the outdoors too tempting for you despite all the dangers? Is the safety and comfort of the indoors too alluring for you despite the potential of it not giving you as fresh of air? Whose side are you on? The out or the in? Fight club it out in the comments. Just decide where the fight club should be. Indoor or out. And don’t forget to follow the second rule of fight club.

AARRRRGGGGHHHH

Bitter Door Fight Ben

42 thoughts on “Bitter Rivalry of the Week: The Inside vs. The Outside”

    • As awesome as it would be to have him misread the award winner cards, I find his humor (basically staring at the camera flabbergasted) kind of lame. Have you seen him on Family Feud? That is all he ever does? If that was all it took to be a good comedian, I could do that.

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  2. I’d rather stay indoors in a self-made bed-tent-cave-fort whatever than have my hand bitten by an alligator. Although, of course, I’d never be stupid enough to put my hand in an alligator’s mouth. Just saying.
    Still, the indoors has coffee, TV, books, and my pet gerbils. I think I’ll stake it out inside.

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  5. I’m for the outside. It was 52 and sunny here yesterday. I rode my bike through the water puddles. It was so glorious, I teared up. Or was that from the wind? Well, whatever, I choose outdoors.

    PS: Today, I’m bitter. It’s 20 degrees colder and trying to snow. I guess I’ll stay inside. Arrrgghh.

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  6. Inside Rules!!! I like my bathroom, huge TV, our comfy king size bed, the shrimp scampi I’m preparing for dinner. Camping sucks!!! 😀

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  7. You’re right about tonight. There’s goin’ to be some (wanna be’s) Kings & a LOT OF QUEENS (too many to count)! There is also goin’ to be a LOT of Political “BULL $#!+” by not only the Host but by too many of the Presenters & Recipients themselves. This used to be aTrue Awards Show rewarding The BEST in the Movie industry. Not it’s a FREAK SHOW! That’s why I don’t watch it any more…”Hold’em Hook”!…..BG>

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  12. The Oscars used to be a very big deal in this house due to my husband being a huge cinephile (or is it cinemaphile? my computer doesn’t think either is a word). Unfortunately, in recent years we never get to see new movies and we no longer subscribe to Entertainment Weekly, so we are quite out of touch. I like your assessment of the event, though, it’s spot on, especially the reference to the AV squad. I will not take sides in your bitter rivalry, but I will comment on it vis a vis the Oscars. I enjoy watching the outdoor portion, otherwise known as the Red Carpet, and participate in the merciless judging. However, I generally cringe at the asinine behavior of the commentators and wish the screaming crowd would shut up. Inside gets quite boring, as you observed. I would rather be at the Golden Globes or Independent Spirit Awards, where they serve booze. Speaking which, I believe it is wine o’clock here in the Mohawk Valley. Sorry about the long comment. I haven’t made my own blog post yet and I get a bit loquacious..

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    • This sounds very similar to me. I used to watch movies all the time when I was single, but then I got married and had kids, and now I barely see two or three a year in the theater. I haven’t seen any of the Oscar Nominees (unless you call Star wars one) and just enjoyed watching people freak out about Leo getting his first.

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