Monday Morning Snapback

/ bensbitterblog
Bitterness may be closer than it appears.

Bitterness may be closer than it appears.

After one of the more memorably mentally exhausting weekends in recent memory, we can finally put the objects in the mirror may be closer than they appear(the rear view mirror). Now that it is Monday morning, we can make like Abe Lincoln and start slaying Zombies and make like George Washington and start chopping down cherry trees.  It’s President’s Day, which means I am on the precipice of my job’s bitter descent down a rabbit hole of busyness that won’t end until the end of March. For now, it’s time to stepback, slapback, cutback and generally just return to being yourselves again.

In other words, guys stop pretending you are good at romance.  You did your best this weekend to make your wives and girlfriends think you know how to dine and whine them, but let’s face it, you failed to meet their expectations and now the facade is over and you can go back to disappointing people in general instead of just specifically in the romance department. Snapback to your general patheticness.

Get back to your pathectiness!

Snapback to your pathectiness!

If you were sick as a dog and barking louder than one like me, just snapback from your sickness, and just go back to your regular non-sick lameness.  Tell your brain to quit acting like a dingbat, and all those viruses to quit spending time in your house, like those unwelcome neighborhood kids, who eat all your food, mess up all your rooms, and leave things looking like a tornado hit it. Stick some medicine directly up to that part of the brain, and tell the viruses to get out. You’ve got some working avoiding and interneting to do.

Go back to being mediocre at your job, dispensing annoying advice, driving like a maniac, or puncturing those tires you normally do.  Go back to your art class that you despise, cutting yourself shaving, or back to the hopelessness that has been created by the presidential race.

Find a curb to kick things to. Go outside and teach some play kids how to play kick the can, so you can see them roll their eyes when you ask them to do things besides spend time on their phones. Find a Karate Kid tournament to get kicked out of. Go sneak into a theater to get kicked out of. Or be in a writer for a movie where you get a kickbacks on the percentage of the box office. Just snapback to the pathetic thing you call your life.

ARRRRGGGHHHH

Bitter Snapback Ben

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