National Pizza Day

/ bensbitterblog
Me spending my National Pizza Day with my BFF.

An Instagram photo of me spending my National Pizza Day with my BFF.

I don’t remember much from seventh grade; I had a crush on a girl who could type way faster than me, I remember math quickly becoming my bitter rival, and my first time in art class, the teacher asked us what our favorite food(okay maybe I do remember a lot). As an introvert, I sat nervously rehearsing in my mind what I was going to say, and when it finally came time to answer, I panicked and blurted out the answer, “Mashed potatoes.” I still remember a spattering of chuckles coming from other class members as I threw pizza under the bus.  What had I done? In a weak moment, in a fit of 7th grade nervousness,  I had forgotten about my beloved pizza. No matter the cost, not matter the pressure put on me when asked that question again, would my answer to my favorite food ever be mashed potatoes.

An Instagram photo of my love for pizza displayed in lights.

An Instagram photo of my love for pizza displayed in lights.

For a long time, I was a loyal person. I always bought Nike’s, always followed the San Antonio Spurs, always worked for companies for a long time, always stayed in the same family.  But a little while ago I realized, why should I be loyal? Nike has never given me an endorsement deal, sent me on an all expense paid trip to NikeTown in Beaverton, or or sent me a free pair of shoes? Why should I be loyal to them? The Spurs are pretty easy to follow because they’ve only had one losing season in 25 years. But in all those years of following them, have they even once given me season tickets, or even a free T-shirt? Or for that matter, even made a shirt that fit me? And what has my family ever done for me beside love me unconditionally?

sf

At least it’s my answer for everything. 

You all may say you love pizza more than I do and that you are way more loyal to it than I am.  I suppose in college you have ordered pizza more than once a week and stored the boxes in your dorm room.  And I suppose you ordered pizza in some form, every Friday since then? And not only that, have ordered pizza on days besides Fridays? And I suppose you’ve eaten stuffed crust pizza from Pizza Hut backwards because one time 25 years ago, you saw a commercial with your favorite athlete telling you that is the proper way to do it? And does your company come to you whenever pizza is needed to be ordered and ask you to do it? Has a co-worker who was dumb as rocks asked you where online you would order pizza from Pizzahut.com? And better yet, have you convinced people in the office to start saying the day of the week after Thursday isn’t Friday, but Pizza?

Spoiler warning. I have done all those things.  Drivers know me personally and have called ME when they didn’t get my order on Friday.

The one time I liked Katy Perry.

That one time I liked Katy Perry.

So yesterday, when I was alerted by the media, (or maybe it was just a co-worker), that it was National Pizza Day, and I was outraged. Outraged that Pizza Hut didn’t call me and tell me.  I was bitterly frustrated that not one Pizza joint had a courtesy pizza waiting for me at the front desk at work, or one waiting for me at home.  I get that Nike didn’t give me free stuff, because I only bought a pair of shoes from them once a year or less.  And the Spurs, I’ve purchased a lot of merchandise from them, but have only been to a handful of their games, because I live many miles from Texas.  But Pizza should know better.  Since seventh grade, they have been my favorite. Maybe they felt betrayed by the mashed potato incident and have sworn vengeance ever since.  Maybe they still remember the time I ate a sub sandwich on a Friday that one time in ’86. Or maybe pizza is bitter because I forgot to include them in one of my blogs.

Yes, I will Pizza.

Yes, I will Pizza.

Either way, I expect more from Pizza.  If I next year on this very day, #Pizza isn’t celebrating by posting my face on their Instagram thanking me for all their loyalty, and showering me in pepperoni’s the entire month of October, I’m going to stop supporting pizza forever. Do you hear me, Pizza! For a month! Do you understand what I’m saying Pizza! An entire week! I mean it Pizza! I will go a whole day without ordering you! Do not mess with my loyalty EVER. AGAIN.

ARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHeroni

Bitter Pizza Day Ben

51 thoughts on “National Pizza Day”

  1. “As an introvert, I sat nervously rehearsing in my mind what I was going to say” – I DO THIS, TOO! D: And I counted down how many people they’d ask before they got to me…

    I also really like pizza, btw. Probably not as much as you do, but that’s what I have chocolate for. Because when I last phoned in to place an order at my favourite Greek restaurant take-out, they had no idea who I was until I specifically asked for a slice of their amazing chocolate cake… So busted. Happy belated Pizza Day, Ben!

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  3. So passionate about pizza haha I love it
    I’m just starting out and would love for you to follow my blog and give me some pointers. Thanks and keep up the great work.

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  4. But have you had Mashed Potatoes ON TOP OF PIZZA? Because it is fantastic. And you should try it. It will blow ya mind.
    Also, I love pizza. I love pizza so much that I always have a box of pizza in my fridge. My friends 2 year old child started calling me Pizza because he thought that my name was actually pizza. It is fantastic.

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  5. Which ever way you choose to boycott pizza, pizza will say, “you’ll be back. They always come back.”

    I buy frozen pizza now and put extra cheese and toppings before putting it in the oven. One whole can of mushrooms is not too much.

    And ya, you never get anything from cheering for those sports teams.

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    • Pizza is like the Godfather to me. No matter how hard I try, I will not be able to quit it. I will stalk me in my dreams. And make me put more cheese on it.
      And yeah, I just realized that there is no team that will ever give you back what you will give them. I mean when was the last time a team won championships 25 years in a row?

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  6. I actually feel bad for mashed potatoes now. I bet besides that one time in your seventh grade class, they’ve never been picked as a favourite food.

    Yet they soldier on.

    I think you picking them is practically an act of charity. You deserve a medal.

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    • Wow, fancy seeing you on the blogosphere on a day that is not a Friday. Does it feel strange?
      It must be akin to me not getting a pizza on Friday.
      Yeah the mashed potatoes were lucky to even get a mention from me.
      They soldier on it the food world, much like I (or we, I don’t know for sure if you are a superstar at work or not) do at my office. I’m the mashed potatoes of the work world. No one’s favorite. I’m even full of butter like mashed potatoes are.

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      • I’m not gonna lie; it feels like suddenly finding myself in a strange alternate universe. Where Wednesday’s are Friday’s and mashed potatoes and pizza are talked about in the same breath.

        Strange.

        Also, did you know we have a specialty pizza joint here that’s been featured on “Gotta Eat Here” and does awesome pizzas like Taco Pizza, Jamaican Jerk Pizza, and Maple Chicken Pizza (that’s my favourite).

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        • I should have braced you for how weird things get on WordPress on a non Friday. It can be a bit discombobulating at first, so just proceed with caution.

          And yeah, of course I knew that the island has the specialty joint that was featured on “Gotta Eat Here” that does awesome Jerk Pizza and Maple Chicken. I go there all the time when I’m not working.

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  8. Give up Ben. It’s a no win situation. In fact, pizza is laughing at you right now because it knows that you can’t even go 4 hours without eating it. It’s an unhealthy relationship. It’s using you and I really don’t know if I can continue to support this blog considering your co-dependent situation…

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  9. I personally like mashed potatoes, but I understand your love of pizza, especially being from New York and all. I will say, not to get you more upset but my pizzeria did make a shout out on facebook informing us loyal customers of the important holiday. He even offered a National Pizza Day special. I’m sorry to have to tell you like this, but I thought you should know.
    Friday is only a few days away, enjoy your pizza.

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  10. I think my biggest accomplishment in life is that I can call the pizza shop close to my house, give them my name and they already know what I want.
    Life is good.

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