The Bitter Groundhog

/ bensbitterblog
Duh duh SPARTA!

Duh duh SPARTA!

Let’s face it. The groundhog is famous for only two things.  Every February they are known for disappointing millions of people by seeing their shadow or not seeing their shadow(whichever one it is, I don’t think anyone knows) and predicting that we have 6 more weeks of winter.  Though if you want to be disappointed about that, just look at a freaking calendar, because it will tell you the same exact stupid thing.  And if he does tell you that spring starts right now, then he is just as bad because he is giving you false hope and you are a sucker for believing in it.

Yeah...just like last year.

Yeah…just like last year.

The other thing they are famous for is creating a rip in the space time/continuum R for   Bill Murray that causes him to relive the day over and over and over again.  And let’s be honest. Ever since that movie, we think of Groundhog’s Day more for that principle of repeating things than we care about a groundhog predicting something.

You want to know what is the same year after year after year just like the Groundhog’s day is for Bill Murray? This blog. I bet if you went back to last year on this very same day on this very same blog you would get about the same material and same themes that you have received year after year. I would go back and look, but I’m too lazy.  See what I mean? How many times have I said I was too lazy? Look back year after year and you will see the same thing with my birthday,  Bitter Giftures on Fridays, Bitter Rivalrys of the Week and Bitter News from the Couch.  If you’ve even read more than two posts on this blog, you’d notice that almost always the same things come up again and again.  Pizza, couches, traffic, hating other people, laziness and bitterness.

Me too, man. Me too.

Me too, man. Me too.

You know what else is Groundhoggy this time of year? The politicians and the politics.  I despise politics not only because it is just a bunch of idiots arguing, but because I don’t understand any of it.  The only parts that I care about are the things they are doing that affect me personally.  Like for instance if they are taking more of my money away from me, then I vote to bring them down.  And this year again, we are choosing between Stupid, Dumb and Dumber and quite frankly, I would rather vote for Dumb and Dumber (Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels). I almost think we need to hire some actors to pretend to run the country for a few years until we can come up with people that would make us think we weren’t in some sort of circus/freak show twilight zone thing. If any of you saw Pixels the movie with Adam Sandler as a guy that saves the world and Kevin James as an incompetent president, and me thinking he would be a better option as a president right now, tells you what kind of solid candidates we have.

Same old Sharks.

Same old Sharks.

The Super Bowl is happening yet again this year, to the disappointment of almost the whole world yet again.  Here’s some predictions I will give you based on oh, I don’t know, the history of forever since the Super Bowl became the event of the year, every year. 31 teams fan bases will be sad because yet again their team didn’t win.  Millions will be upset because the halftime show just wasn’t as spectacular as they were hoping. Commercial groupies (ones that only seems to come out during the Super Bowl) will be hyper critical of the offerings of commercials this year.  And all those people that are there just for the food at your house will be yet again disappointed because the dip just wasn’t as spicy as it was last year.  Half the people that bet on the Super Bowl will be disappointed because they lost their life savings on the game. And you will be disappointed because football will be gone forever until next week when they start talking about the draft.

MMMMM...caaaaandy.

MMMMM…caaaaandy.

Valentine’s Day, just like Groundhog’s Day, will be another day of disappointment.  Single people will declare it to be Single Awareness Day(S.A.D.), couples will declare it, “we never go out anymore” day(W.N.G.O.A.), and dating couples will call it, “No Pressure But If We Aren’t Engaged Today Everyone Will Know We Aren’t Meant For Each Other Day (N.P.B.I.W.A.E.T.E.W.K.W.A.M.F.E.O.D.) Cards will be bought, chocolates will be sold out, flowers costs will quintuple and last minute husbands on the way home from work will invade the stores, looking rather like Groundhogs (or are they prairie dogs)  sticking their heads up to see if there are any last minute flowers available.

Husbands everywhere on the way home from work on Valentine's Day.

Husbands everywhere on the way home from work on Valentine’s Day.

Yes, there is nothing like Groundhogs Day to remind us that no matter how much we think things have changed, they always remain the same again and again and again….

Once again….ARRRRRRGGGGGHHHH

Bitter Groundhog Day Ben

BTW, Happy Birthday Aunt Jo

40 thoughts on “The Bitter Groundhog”

  2. My husband insists that Valentine’s Day was made up by some corporate cartel. Therefore, there is no need to buy me anything for me. I’m not sure what the logic is on our anniversary.

    Like

    Reply

  3. I love it! This post was just so bitter! But everything you say is true. Where does that whole groundhog day thing come from anyway? I am Mexican, so I have no idea why Americans look forward to the weather predictions of a furry critter. And what’s up with the Super Bowl? Why are you so obsessed with a sporting event that no other country on earth gives a hoot about? Somebody explain that to me.

    Like

    Reply

    • The groundhog thing just doesn’t make any sense. I mean an animal that digs holes in our ground is all of a sudden able to tell us what the calendar already does?
      As far as the Super Bowl goes, I think we just have a fascination for sports that we made up, IE American Football, baseball and basketball, and we just want to not care about soccer like the rest of the world. Uggh.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  7. The first thing we do, let’s kill all the politicians… paraphrased from Shakespeare in Henry VI, but he says it about all the lawyers. Pretty much the same though. And Mom ‘N’ Pop shop owners should run the country!

    Like

    Reply

  8. Hilarious! ❤ this post.

    "I almost think we need to hire some actors to pretend to run the country for a few years until we can come up with people that would make us think we weren’t in some sort of circus/freak show twilight zone thing."

    Aren't politicians already actors? I guess we can always afford some better actors though. *shrugs*

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  9. Well, I think that pretty much sums up all of February’s bitterness. I think that means I won’t have to read again until March. In the meantime, I’m sure you will be going on beating these bitter themes into a bitter pulp.

    Like

    Reply

Your Bitter Comments

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.