It’s freaking Friday and that means the Bitter Express is getting ready to leave the station. The Bitter Express is a different roller coaster ride than you are used to. Most roller coaster rides are full of excitement, screaming, thrilling drops and crazy loop de loops and then, they eventually end. The Bitter Express starts at the bottom and just keeps going down. It’s full of disappointing dives, cantankerous curves, frustrating fails, rickety railways filled with rage, and all kinds of tense twists and turns that are full of fury, signifying nothing. And the worst part is that it never ends. So strap in and enjoy nothing about this ride.
It’s going to be…
…pretty intense.
Prepare to get doused…
…because it’s going to get a little hawkward around here.
Trust me, the ride will not…
…tree-t you right.
Speaking of tree-tment,…
…get ready to understand what it feels like to be a cat.
Not only will you be doing crazy flips….
…but you will experience another kind of flip.
There no skipping in the line…
…to get a head of everyone.
Don’t forget the Murphy’s Law ride…
…where anything that can happen to you will happen to you.
Don’t worry, just when you think nothing else can happen….
…Boom! Catastrophe!
Don’t forget to bring the kids…
…to the bumper cars.
Make sure you forget your dancing shoes…
…so the rest of us can be entertained.
And make sure if you are short to grow a little..
…or you won’t be allowed on the rides.
And make sure you don’t stay in the sun too long…
…or you might fly off the deep end.
Alright, times up. Step out of the Bitter Express. Keep all your hand and legs outside of the tray tables and feel free to leave the park immediately as we don’t want you here anymore. We wish you bitter luck on finding your car in the parking lot and we hope your wallets were pickpocketed by our bitterly underpaid employees. And remember, next time you think of family fun, think long and hard about never coming to this place again.
ARRRRRRGGGGGGHHH
Bitter Express Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
This post just cracks me up after a long and bad day. ☺
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What sucks is my long bad day is just starting… Ugggh.
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All the best for the long day you have then ☺
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It will be bitter just like every other day. 😐
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Reblogged this on itsgoodtobecrazysometimes and commented:
If you are having a bad day check these out. Highly amusing
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Did that tree thief leaf any clues to his identify? Or were the authorities stumped? The worst part is, crooks like that who lead a rootless existence often branch out into other criminal activity.
OK, I’ll stop. Sorry for the acorny puns.
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Actually if you could continue to use puns that will make me laugh, because puns are the most pure form of comedy. As long as you stop stalking the tree thief.
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I’m not great at pun comedy, but I guess I could go on a limb and try it out.
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Yep, I’m definitely barking up the wrong tree with you.
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Pretty sure you’ve just summed up humanity in 10 or so GIFs there.
Thanks for liking my post [http://wp.me/p268u8-H3].
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Humanity is pretty easy to sum up right? Luckily gifs are worth 10,000 words.
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It somehow always comforts me seeing other people who have worse days than me 🙂 There is still hope for me!
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I find that other people’s suffering lightens my mood. I think it’s called schadenfreude.
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I find I am with you on that, provided the sufferers are either incredibly dumb or unbelievably conceited.
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That is a good point. Laughing at bad things happening to people that deserve it is pretty great.
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The girl and the cooler has me cracking up!
I love the guy who just ignored her, as if she were too short for him to even see.
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Murphy’s Law, yep. Funny!
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Yeah, that guy couldn’t catch a break. I assume the minute he walked out of the building a snow avalanche fell on him.
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I laughed so hard at that one i think i hurt myself! 😀
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And that is Murphy’s law. Laughing so we can enjoy ourselves and then getting hurt because we were laughing.
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That explains it. I’m Irish.
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You must be really looking forward to St. Patrick’s day. Do you know any leprechauns that have a bunch of gold?
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If only which accounts for my current impoverished state.
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Well, when you find him, I’ll give you a finder’s fee, but you must deliver him to me.
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I shall do as commanded, master. 😮
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It will be a great partnership in which you do all the work and you get rewarded…simply.
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I’ve always worked for peanuts. So simply sounds like a real step up! Thanks Ben! 😀
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Well, I’m pretty lenient like that.
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I thought this ride never ended! Gypped again…
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It never ends for me. But you need to get off, cause you are no longer welcome here.
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You can’t mean that. What would you do without my witty banter?
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Of course I don’t mean that. There would be quite a few commentless posts if it wasn’t for you bitter wittiness.
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Awwwe shucks.
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You me AARRRRGGGGHHH shucks.
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That first gif though….I’m dying from laughing so hard.
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Yeah, guy is pretty intense. I wish I had that kind of focus.
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Hahaha! That’s for the ride. It was… umm… *Throws up in nearby bush*
Wait a minute… where’s my purse?
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I think it’s in your car, but I don’t see your car anywhere.
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Oh! 😳
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Things just start to go missing around here a lot.
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