Bitter Rivalry of the Week: Sweet vs. Salty

/ bensbitterblog
A subtle light fight.

The subtle neighborhood street fight.

You would think that this time of year, with the spirit of the holidays, competition would begin to tail off a little bit. But you would be wrong. Things seem to heat up even more for some reason.  Rivalries start to get even more intense. The Great American Light Fight has expanded the fight to not only houses now, but neighborhoods.  Intense football rivalries, political battles, even competitions for who can get more presents for their kids.  But none is more intense than the internal rivalry that is taking place for my stomach.

Some of the Park Place real estate.

Some of the subtle Park Place real estate.

You know how there is an intense fight for real estate in the most coveted properties in places like Silicon Valley in the Bay Area or Broadway and Park Place in Monopoly? Well, there is that same intense fight foods have real estate in my stomach.  As we all know, kale, salad, and other tasteless foods have tried and failed for many years break into Bitter Ben Stomach real estate.  In the end, only two things will ever be a success in the growing BBS real estate market.  Salty and sweet.

The intense fight goes back and forth throughout the years, months, weeks and days.  Here are the profiles for the biggest players in the food real estate market.

A big player in the Sweet Market.

Chocolate is a big time player in the Sweet Market.

Sweet – Full of sugar and spice and everything nice, and the dominate food source for kids during the October months, though is in an intense battle in November and December as well as Valentine’s Day, Easter, and other holidays.  The biggest player in the sweet market is Chocolate, but Fruit and fruity like flavors(Skittles, Starbursts etc) are right there taking up some of the best real estate.  There are others filling out the huge market like pie, brownies, ice cream and Frosted Flakes and even straight sugar packets when desperate enough. Sugar neighborhoods are usually high intensity areas, until half and hour later when they get tired and crash.

Salty likes to group themselves all in certain artery neighborhoods.

Salty likes to group themselves certain artery neighborhoods.

The other big wig in the BBS real estate market is Salty.  Often salty often takes up real estate in the Thanksgiving and Christmas corridors and likes to set up camp on the opposite side of the areas as sweet. They like to try to balance out the too sweet areas with just enough salty taste. Steaks, hamburgers, pasta, turkey, mashed potatoes, pizza, and others are there to fill out any empty areas.  They like to set up areas in arteries and sometimes things get a little too crowded in their neighborhoods.

Regardless, there are tons of stuff that we can cram in our face center this holiday, and let’s hope you aren’t kale binging. So who’s side are you on? Are you a Sugar Rusher with a major in Chocolate, or do you own a neighborhood in Salt Love City, with additional real estate in Turkey Leg Town, and Pepperoni Pizza City?

ARRRRRGGGGHHHHH

Bitter Food Battle Ben

49 thoughts on “Bitter Rivalry of the Week: Sweet vs. Salty”

  1. I like to have a giant pile of salty fries right next to a plate of chocolate brownies. Then I take one bite of salty and my brain tells me “Woah dude, too salty! Get some sugar fast!” And I obey of course by grabbing a handful of brownies. This cycle continues until both plates are almost empty (balancing it out so they end at the same time is crucial). Then the last bite I put one fry on the left side and one brownie bite on the right.

    And then I dial 911.

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  3. I was once in deep conflict like you, then I discovered the miracle that is sweet n slated popcorn and my universe expanded.

    That and the salted caramel fad taking over the world, makes it a better place to be

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  11. It’s all about balance, Ben. Salty popcorn with a side of black licorice jelly beans. Homemade salted caramel fudge. A dozen sweet, chewy cookies followed by a long, sweaty workout (too much?).

    Seriously, though, I am more of a kale and acorn squash lover. I know, I know…always the rebel.

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