The best way to spend the holidays.
Most people think of Thanksgiving as a way to spend time with their families and friends and shopping the early sales or watching football. Not me. To me, it is all about the laziness. The sitting around of the couch, the sitting around of the buffet, the sitting around of the napping, the sitting around of the TV and sitting around of the video gaming. This weekend felt a little off though. It just didn’t feel like I was efficiently lazy enough.
So I got to thinking about how I could be more efficient (which is always a dangerous thing for me) and video games and TV immediately popped into my head. Samus from Metroid and Terminator from Terminator, or Iron Man from Iron Man 3 have these amazing Head Up Displays which give them all kinds of information. Why not get one to help me figure out how to be more lazy?
Heads up for laziness.
This amazing device, which I assume someone will invent for me, along with giving me royalties for inventing, will give me all the information I need in the house, car, or around people. It will give me all the stats I need on efficient remote control layout, food to reach ratio, and the easiest amount of pressure it takes to push a button without getting too warn out. It will give me the perfect way to lay and wake me just in time for my favorite show, and have all the proper inputs for the TV so I don’t have to leave the couch.
The best part about it, is it will give me all the right ways to avoid people. The routes, the best people to accidentally get bumped together and if absolutely necessary, stats and all the likes and dislikes of people so I will know just the wrong thing to say to get someone to leave me alone. Does Bob have a feud going on with his dad? Mention something about his dad to get him so uncomfortable he can’t help but say he has to go to the bathroom. Is Susan allergic to peanuts? Make sure she tries the dip that has just the tiniest amount of peanuts in the salsa for her to break out in hives and never want to party with you again.
When life gives too much to do, become like your favorite cyborg, or video game character, except the lazy version. The one that doesn’t save the world or destroy it. Use your HUD to guarantee your optimal laziness, because doing it yourself is just another thing you have to do and no one has time for that.
ARRRRGGGGGHHHHH
Bitter HUD Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
Best part: “…stats and all the likes and dislikes of people so I will know just the wrong thing to say to get someone to leave me alone. ” 😀
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I think you need a little more of this. For some reason you amazing personality draws people to you, whether they are good or not. You need some people repellent.
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LOL!!! I actually LOL-ed… not LOLOTI-ed (laughed out loud on the inside). I seriously do need some people repellent. That’s going on my Christmas list RIGHT NOW.
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I don’t often laugh out loud, so when I do I have to acknowledge it, so thanks for that. It takes a lot for people to laugh out loud at me. And yeah you need some of that for Christmas list.
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You make me laugh out loud more than most!
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It’s pretty hard for me to make people laugh out loud because my sense of humor is so dry.
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I feel you. My dad calls our mutual dry sense of humor “thinking man’s humor”. Most people don’t laugh out loud either because they don’t get it or because the clever turn of phrase is more likely to elicit an appreciative smile or chuckle. 😉
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I think you have a thinking woman’s humor and I don’t think people even chuckle. They just look at me like I’m talking another language (I believe sarcasm is) because our wittiness is so far above their understanding.
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If I had an avatar I’d send him on holiday so I didn’t have to go …
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That would sure solve a lot of problems. And I’m sure my family would like my avatar way better anyways.
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You r a bad man. But a funny one, so all is forgiven 🙂
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A bitter and bad man? Sounds about right.
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Yes. Badly bitter. Or, bitterly bad.
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Ya, my laziness on Christmas and Thanksgiving is exactly the same as my weekend laziness.
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Mine as well. I also have laziness at work that equals my home laziness. It’s just more cleverly disguised.
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That sounds excellent! I need a Jetson’s house. One that is self-cleaning with a refrigerator that is self-filling.
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I think the Heads Up Display would just tell you to avoid that area, because it is a bunch of work.
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I would recommend you pitch this on Shark Tank but you are probably too bitter and lazy. A shame because I have a feeling you and Mr. Wonderful would have a real connection.
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I think Mr. Wonderful would love my bitter attitude, but would also not love that I ask him for one dollar for something that he knew wouldn’t make any money or cause him to do any work.
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Oh man, I could so use one of those… not that I do holidays. But I did have today off since we had our circuit assembly yesterday. So it was pretty much a vacation day for us! The food to reach ratio indicator would have been very helpful today when I was lazing in front of the TV and wondering why, WHY was my coffee table so far away? Snacking and lazing was a proper chore…
But all this superhero talk put me in mind of my favourite superhero of all: The Procrastinator! If you can cope with Amanda shouting every line of this sketch, it’s pretty cute… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kn5-cWsWcnY
Clearly, I have never properly grown up. xx MH
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You need one of those HUD’s so you can get the perfect lazy ratios going.
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Let me know when someone invents one for us. I’d keep my ear to the ground myself, but it’s way to much like work.
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I’m going to make sure someone does. I just know that when it is invented, I will take all the credit.
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And that is as it should be, Ben… how dare any hardworking soul take credit for your brainchild! Brainchildren, like real children, can be such a lot of work. Best to farm the hard stuff out to others. People think we’re lazy, but in actual fact we are IDEAS people. Anyone can work – but not everyone has brilliant ideas!
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Right? Engineers are a dime a dozen, but idea guys are like $.25 a dozen.
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The sitting around of the anything!!! 😂😭
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Yep, sitting around is always a better idea than standing around.
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Haha exactly!
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I fully believe you were a cat in a past life.
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Could that be why I don’t like cats in this life?
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It’s a very real possibility.
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Talk about a mind bender.
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LOL I’m convinced that we may be related somewhere down the old genetic highway. Absolutely hilarious, thanks for the great laugh! G-uno
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I think if you go all the way back to the dinosaurs, I was the Bittersauras Rex.
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