According to Harvard and Science…The Bitter Intellectual

/ bensbitterblog
This just in

Prepare to get your mind blown, dude.

When I do a post on the Bitter Blog, I never go into it ill prepared.  Nothing is thrown together. Every word, every detail, every grammar and made up word is heavily researched by my staff and has three sources to back it up.  Otherwise, how could my loyal audience trust that this bitterness is real? How could they feel safe and secure knowing that every word and phrase was authentic and transparent? How could they know without a shadow of a doubt that every word is something they can tell their friends about, knowing that it came from a reliable source?

TMZ. Always never getting it right.

TMZ. Always never getting it right.

That is why I always I use such trusted entities like TMZ.com, Wikipedia, Reddit and MySpace, and the National Enquirer because I know that anything written on the web is true and verified.  You can never be too careful.  Some people use things like history books, New York Times, or Encyclopedia’s, but as you know, those people that work at those places are just a bunch of hacks that are throwing out the least reliable information, just so they can say they were the first ones on the scene to make a quick buck.

No longer the smartest.

No longer the smartest.

The point of all this is that now I can definitively tell you this one statement.  I AM THE SMARTEST PERSON IN THE WORLD.  

The new smartest man in the world.

The new smartest man in the world.

You know how you know that for a fact? Because I put that statement in bold AND in uppercase to make it stand out.  But also, because of a little article on a well respected and never unreliable website called Hello Giggles.  Please don’t let the fact that the research was done by a sketchy little known college called Harvard and proven by the shanty town run entity called Science, but just key in on the fact that the story was written on Hello Giggles.

Here is the link to the story if you are interested.  http://hellogiggles.com/sarcastic-people-good-for-you/

Since you probably don’t have time to read that stuff, because you aren’t as intellectual as me, I will summarize it for you.  Actually, you just need to know one quote from the article.

“A study out of Harvard Business School finds that sarcasm is the “highest form of intelligence.”

Do you like Apples? Well Harvard and Science just said that sarcasm, my native language, is the highest form of intelligence.  How do you like them apples?

So when I’m insulting you without you knowing I am doing so right in front of your face and you can’t tell because you don’t have a sarcasm detector, I’m just showing you my intelligence, baby.

When I make fun of your mama and you think I’m praising her, I’m just being the smartest man in the room.

Not the smartest bagels anymore.

Maybe the tastiest bagels, but not the smartest bagels anymore.

So, how does it feel to be listening to the Einstein of Bloggers? When I deliver one liner after one liner and you can’t keep up, you are witnessing one of the Scorpions hard at work making you look like a troll under a bridge.

Sorry formerly smart guys.

Sorry formerly smart guys.

Bow down to the highest form of life.  The Bitter Sarcastic.

Form an orderly cue to get sarcasticed.

ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH

Bitter Sarcasm King Ben

53 thoughts on “According to Harvard and Science…The Bitter Intellectual”

  2. Harvard gets lampooned! (Trivia dropping as another sign of superior intelligence, right?) My favorite line: “put that statement in bold AND in uppercase to make it stand out. “

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  3. I am feeling enlightened by this post and delighted to see that sarcasm is credibly earning the kudos it deserves. But, more importantly, I have learned that there is a website called “Hello Giggles”. 😀

    p.s. just kidding about the Hello Giggles being the most important thing I’ve learned from this post. I was being sarcastic. Does that make me smart, too? 😀

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  4. Sarcasm is a dying art and it is upon us to breathe life into it.I have horror stories at work when on a sunny day I say things like ,”Oh such crappy weather. I am glad I am sitting at my desk.” And then the intelligent questions comes.. “Oh so you don’t like the sun. Me too” AND “Oh no, look outside it is actually very nice. We don’t get such good weather in fall”.. It makes me marvel at the intelligence of humankind. So, keep up the good work!

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    • Yep, there are at least two people I deal with on an almost daily basis that have no clue how sarcasm is and how creatively intelligent you have to be in order to use it properly like us and it is maddening to have to explain to them over and over how it works, how they are idiots, and how they should just bow down to the master.

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  5. Your sarcasm definitely tops all, so I have to agree with you and dub you “Smartest Man Alive”. Considering I’m the empress of all things, you should be very happy to be dubbed such. It’s a higher honor than being knighted by the queen (who only rules over 1 small-ish country btw!)

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  9. Hmmmm. Interesting. Not to burst your lovely bubbles, but I have always thought of sarcasm as the last thing people resort to in a debate. Right after they run out of good arguments and right before they lose.
    Still – so glad I finally clicked the “follow” button – I’m looking forward to reading more!

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  12. This is explains so much! Sarcasm in California is so rare. I once told a girl at work a horrifying paddle boarding story and said, “The wind was so bad that Sam paddled off and he was like, a mile away!” and she was like, “Oh my god, are you serious!!? That’s crazy.” And I just responded with, “………………..”

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  15. Hahahahaha! Sarcasm? Really? Next you’ll be telling me there’s vitamin C in Orange Marmalade–a product that’s cooked to death and then cooked into a mass of jiggling goo and chew rinds that become nothing more than a luscious orangey flavored sugar treat. 🙂

    Yes, Bitter Ben, you have the world’s highest B.Q. (bitterness quotient) but I think the real genius in Albert’s family was Mrs. Einstein. I saw it on a documentary once, so I know it’s true. 🙂

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