About 14 years ago, our life was feeling a little gray. Things were fine, but there was just something little missing. We just had a feeling like our family wasn’t…quite complete. There was color in our life, but we needed a little more. We had many nervous conversations about why, how much, if we were up to the task, and how we would handle a new addition. We finally just went for it. We went to Costco and picked up the most beautiful 50 inch screen TV. Life was more colorful. And the sound. Surround. 5.1 Dolby and so crisp and clear that we would be able to hear it when it started action movieing at night.
We’ve since moved on from the beautiful creation of 50 inch screen and gone bigger and better and brighter and even 1080p-er. And of course when the right time comes we will welcome a newer, brighter and even better sounding TV into our lives. Nothing creates a bitter edge better when you are angry at your basketball team losing in 4K and 7.1 surround.
Then there are those people, cough cough, my parents, who feel the need to mute the television. Why would they try to silence the bitter sounds of basketball, the ear splitting bombs of an action flick, or the unending bitterness of the news?
That is like getting a Lamborghini and putting a Mini-Cooper engine in it because you didn’t want to make the neighbors jealous with the rev of the engine every morning.
That is like getting the latest smartphone and installing the same software that was used on the very first cellphone, and just using it for -gasp- phone calls.
The mute button should never be used on a television. Noise, sound, crows attacking towns, cars blowing up, secrets being told really loud, all those things were made for television. HD picture, HD sound, those were not made to be muffled, shut down, quieted or shushed.
If you want to find something to shut up, or mute, or shut down, look for the annoying less useful, picture averse tele. The Telephone.
Telephones were meant to be seen, not heard. I’m not talking about the mini-computer, musica playing, highlight streaming, twit running, Facebook fetching smart phone. I’m talking about that whiny, cranky ringing thing that only brings the type of communication that makes you cringe. There is no sound that a telephone makes that is anywhere near pleasant to the earholes. The buzz, other peoples voices, the ring, etc.
The mute button was created for the phone. So you could make fun of people out loud while not “offending” them. There are a few other things that make me bitter that should have mute button.
Political Debates (or politicians in general) – I’m sure a word or two accidentally comes out of a debate that actually matters or makes sense or persuades, but as a guy that hates confrontation, we should just use funny emoji’s to explain just how little sense any of them are making.
Doctors – They are good at asking questions like, “How long has this been going on?” (since I was a kid) or “How many times a week do you eat pizza?” (How many is all of them?) or “Does this run in the family?” (there hasn’t been any kind of running in my family for quite a while), but very bad at giving you answers to your questions. “Is there a magical pill for this?” (It’s too early to say) or “How about a surgery that can fix this?” (oh that’s way too dangerous, just keep living with your pain. $20 co-pay please).
Meetings – I’ve been to way too many of them, and I avoid them like the plague. Actually meetings are the worst kind of plague. They kind that inject boredom and uselessness and utter waste of time into your brain. And they steal all life from your brain, including oxygen. If we had a mute button for meetings, at least there would be entertainment.
Make sure your life isn’t incomplete. Make sure that 50 to 100 inch TV is safely inside your house. Make sure you have the surround sound set up for those action movies. And make sure no one has access to your remote. Because they might try to mute your TV. And then what’s next? Mute you? Unacceptable.
ARRRRRRGGGGGHHHH
Bitter Muted Ben
idk – thee are some football commentators I would gladly mute.
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And some co-workers. Does your husband not let you mute the football commentators?
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No – he can’t fight with them if he can’t hear them
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You’re right. Having an imaginary fight with the refs is the best part.
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It sounds to me you are upgrading you’re television until it is Barney Stinson’s tv from ‘How I Met Your Mother’
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I haven’t watched that show, but I assume that is the direction I’m headed.
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It’s a good show and the tv is basically one of his walls haha.
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I’ve heard it was a good show, but there are so many other good ones, and I only have so much bitterness to spread around. And that is my goal to have a TV wall.
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Hmm…I’m pretty sure that my mute button is stuck “on” about 90% of the time. That’s why I have to blog and tweet stuff, or I’d never be heard.
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And that is why I blog too.
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The thing that disturbs me about phones is how lightweight they are now. I’m of the mindset that home phones should be heavy enough that you could kill an intruder with it by smacking them in the head while waiting for the police to respond. The phones I have don’t fit that criteria, so now if someone breaks into my house while I’m waiting for the police, I’ll have to throw my cats at them.
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Actually cats would be more effective, because of the claws and the scratching. Well, some of them. I think of the cat in the Geico commercial that just sits and stares at the guy in the quicksand, I figure if I had a cat it would do that to me.
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Mute for Blogs 🙂
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I’m sure some people would love to use the blog mute button for this blog.
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You are correct. Meetings for the most part, are totally useless, or could have been summed up in an email. However, its a good hour to waste at work just staring off into space.
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The worst part of meetings is that it takes you from your regular work and when you are done you still have to do everything you missed, so you get even farther behind.
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A MUTE BUTTON FOR MEETINGS. GENIUS.
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How funny would it be to see your boss spouting off some nonsense and you just pointing your (index) finger in the air like “I’m on mute right now, so I can’t hear you.”
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Hahahah! That would be beautiful
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Let’s make it happen.
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YES
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Very, very funny!
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I try my best. And fail most of the time. Hey, even a broken clock is right twice a day right?
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I know right! We all have the right to increase or decrease the volume of TVs as well as ourselves. No one should be able to mute us.
PS. I’ve decided to voice my opinion through a YouTube channel! Please do check it out! https://ramexabella.wordpress.com/2015/11/12/my-youtube-channel/
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Oooh cool. I actually have a series of Youtube videos too, where I do Bitter News from the couch. One will probably be posted on Sunday and another next week sometime. I will check out your Youtube video!
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I’ve already subscribed to your channel! 🙂
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Thank you so much. And it is a good thing because I’m going to be putting up a few more videos soon.
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Awesome! 😀
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I can’t wait to share the bitterness.
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Truly an enjoyable feed Ben! I have only one CRITICISM… You should remove all the animated gifs from your blog entries; they only detract from what you’re trying to say. I find them too distracting. Else-wise, I enjoyed the last sentence. LOL! You are a gifted writer! Had me chuckling too! For some real trash, visit my blog! Please with thick, dripping, buttery, milk, chocolate on it?
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I appreciate you critibitterism, but I’ve always used lots of gifs. And if you don’t like them, definitely don’t read my post tomorrow. It is my Weekly Friday Giftures and I usually post at least 12 of them.
I will check your out regardless though. Cause I can’t wait to see what other bitter is out there.
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Well see, you can do whatever you like. It’s your blog. I’m just a little new. Please forgive my indiscression. I was hoping to assist. No offence intended…
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None taken. I appreciate the comment. And glad you like the writing. I like to put the gifs in there to disguise the writing sometimes though. Not all of the posts can be winners right?
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Right! Everybody’s got to have a game plan around here… Thanks for your insight and kindness!
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No trouble. Thanks for reading! And thanks for the feedback too!
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I agree that telephones need to be muted. I think that some Tweeters who only RT all day long need to be muted. But until TVs automatically mute all commercials, I’ll keep my remote close at hand. No one or object is allowed to sell me things w/in my own home. It’s a rule, that when broken, makes me bitter.
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My parents are the same way. They can’t stand the commercials. I once had aspirations to be in advertising, so I’ve always had a fascination for ads.
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Hilarious. And bitter. Very, very bitter.
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Yeah, if there is anything I excel at it’s being bitter. And not using my mute button correctly.
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Right, and not to mention how you need that mute button when you say “It’s Aunt Shirley. Do you really want to talk to her?” and you then your mom says “Oh definitely not. I hate that b*****.” Or is that what the hold button is for?
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Well, I did offend your mom and now Aunt Shirley because my mute button wasn’t working. Oh well, now every person in your family is bitter about me now.
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I’m sure you’re very proud of yourself.
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It takes a lot of work to offend a whole family at a time, so yes. Very proud.
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LOL!! 50 inch TV….cool for gaming 😉
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50 is nice, but I’ve upgraded to 60. Of course, my next one will probably be even bigger. You can never have a TV big enough for video games.
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Lol!!
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60? Puleez. My teevee has it’s own 60-inch as a pet.
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I know right? I have to squint just to see it. I feel like I’m like the biggest loser on the block.
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