Basketball season is back and bitter than ever. The excitement is in the air. Teams all still think they have a chance. Teammates are getting to know each other and they are still trying to learn their new locker combinations. Still talking about their crushes and what kind of homework they are getting from Coach. The Varsity squad with their varsity uniforms looking down on the bench players. Cliques are being formed. They can’t wait for the pep rally All-Star Game in early February. Well, Ben’s Bitter Blog decided to host the Slam Dunk Contest early. Unfortunately we couldn’t find the big stars, but we were able to come up with some dunkers in…other areas of life. Witness our supersized Friday Gifture post.
Let’s start with our friend Mario…
…with his 8 bit One Dimensional Dunk.
I think our Friends….
…give Mario all 10’s.
Next up I hear warehouse guy has all kind of potential…
…but I think he’s reached his ceiling.
Let’s ask Emma Watson what she thinks…
…she also can’t put it into words.
Our third contestant Skater Boi…
…plans his gnarly grinder in your face dunk.
Christian Bale? What say ye?
“I haven’t seen anything like that since The Reign Man!”
We don’t discriminate around here. Next is up Folding Chair girl…
...with her Fall Classic dunk.
Nap judge? What do you say?
He’s flipping out over here.
Next up…
…well, you otter know.
Whatta ya think, Kimmie…
…so…you liked it then?
Number 7, you da real MVP…
…of the dunk contest
You on board Napoleon?…
…was she good or was she Dynamite?
Ready for the most amazing dunk…
…that didn’t happen?
What do you think, guy from Breaking Bad?
…I guess there was a meth..od to his madness…
Here we found some actual NBA guys…
…to show us not how to do it.
So Picard, was it out of this world…
…or nah.
And our last contest on the Dunk is wrong…
…this guy who should be able to dunk in his sleep.
What do you think Hercules, Son of Zeus? How would you rate that dunk on a scale of Disappointed to 10?
Thank you for joining us for Bitter Ben Presents: The First Annual Friday Gifture Slam Dunk Contest. I hope you have been aghast, disappointed, bitter and left wanting for no more. Keep nightmaring, practicing and honing your falling, tripping and awkward foray around the hoops and you too may some day be judged by the judgiest celebrities, mythic Gods, and fictional characters people ever to witness you misdeeds around the hoops. Bitter Ben off.
ARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH
Bitter Ben Presents: The First Annual Friday Gifture Slam Dunk Contest Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
I haven’t laughed so hard at 7:30 am in a while. Slam dunk, Ben.
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Just goes to show that just about anything is funny at 7:30 am.
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Poor Sk8er Boi. He should probably stick to Sk8ing.
That one girl throws a basketball just like I do. Thank goodness for soccer!
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Except Sk8ter Boi is probably no good at sk8ting either. And thank goodness for basketball because I struggle with kicking.
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Wait, I think I recognize that show Emma Watson’s on in that still. It was Conan O’Brien, back in NBC, wasn’t it?
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I’m sure it was, but I have no idea. I just take stuff I find from the internet and use them for my own nefarious purposes.
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Just did my pre-season college hoops post and I can safely say your basketball post is getting way more laughs…maybe that means my predictions are decent? Nah, more likely it is because these shots are super-sensational failures.
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What? Are you saying that a post about pre-season college hoops isn’t filled with sarcasm and super funny gifs of people falling over?
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Bwhahaha! Loved this!! Thank you.
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It was pretty fun to put together too.
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What’s basketball? Is that the sport they play on ice?
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Actually yes! It can be played with skates and hockey pucks. I’ve also heard of people playing with racquets and even play it with volleyballs. The most important thing is to make sure you attempt dunking and miss miserably.
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Well that’s good because on ice, missing a slam dunk is about the only I can guarantee.
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But if you attempt it, and film it, you could be the star of a weekly post on a little known blog, if your kids sent it in.
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Ha! No way!
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Fame is potentially just around the corner for you. This could be your big moment!
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I think I’ll stick to my writing. Getting yelled at by my characters is much safer than me going out on the ice,
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Good choice. I think you did a good job of that in your latest post.
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Thank you!
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Speaking of which, I’m still yelling at my characters for the story I will be submitting. I’m hoping work on it more next week when I off work, but we’ll see. I might just end up playing video games or falling on the ice playing basketball.
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Whatever you decide, don’t hurt yourself!
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I’ll try not to, but I’ve been known to not listen to good advice. And also I haven’t learned gravity yet.
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I’m loving “Bittern Ben off”
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It could be my Seacrest out.
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You’re WAAAY better than Seacrest
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It doesn’t take much to be better than that guy. This is the same dude that produces the Kardashians.
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Amen
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I did not like this post because I found it to be misleading. You mentioned Coach in the first paragraph and then did not offer the contest details about how I might win one of their handbags. I am, as you hoped, aghast!
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You know me. Always about the misleading. Cause who wants all the facts to be correct?
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Seriously – the only one to make their shot was a sea mammal?
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The sea mammal has game.
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I really don’t like sports. I think you should take this into consideration when you are writing your many sports themed blogs and try to change it up a bit. Say, like adding the fall fashion series. You’re lucky I have these asinine pictures to look at in the meantime.
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Well you need to start liking sports because I’m going to be switching to doing sports all day, every day. And now it is too late for you to unfollow or quit reading. So just get used to it look at the pretty giftures.
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(sulking)
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If that doesn’t meet your needs you can always switch over to my all gardening blog.
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(still sulking and refusing to answer you)
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I like sulking too. Continue on if you must and dang you are really good at the silent treatment and not responding to me.
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(slight lip curl, sulking continues)
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Okay are you one of my kids? The one that sulks all the time because I made her do her homework?
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