Just a couple of bros, just chilling.
One of my favorite video games of all time is Gears of War 3. It’s a manly tale of bros just hanging out, watching TV, eating pizza, playing video games, saving each others places in line. They also like to go shoot a few rounds at the range and hang out at each others houses. Actually, by hanging out at each others houses, I mean each other’s jail cells. And by shooting a few rounds, I mean shooting a bunch of filthy Locusts. And by saving each others place in line, I mean saving the ENTIRE WORLD.
Having a squad that you can depend on is the most important thing in the world. Actually, by having a squad that is the important thing in the world, I mean a couple of acquaintances that almost never get together, that will get you pizza and leave, that you can make fun of behind their back, don’t constantly bother you, and that are so bad at video games, that you enjoy to playing against them because they are so easy to destroy.
Speaking of good acquaintances…
…players and refs are almost always connecting..
And who better to encourage you to eat unhealthily…
…than bros that just don’t want you around.
And always encouraging a bro to do something that you know he can’t do…
…is the key to laughter.
And when times are tough….
…bros are always there to offer a soft place to land.
And bros are always there to let you know when you are acting like an idiot…
…and by letting you know, I mean not letting you know.
Alright another good example…
…of letting a friend fail spectacularly.
And a bro will even take it one step farther…
…by letting you look even more idiotic on Halloween.
You’re always there to encourage them…
...when they think they did something spectacular.
When bros get together, they can never just do one thing…
…they have to combine everything.
Like pool…
…and golf.
And they are always there to hold a seat for you…
…as long as you can catch them.
And don’t ever race a friend for a spot..
…cause when they win it, you will never hear the end of it.
Take some time this weekend to reach out to your squad or a squad mate. If you haven’t seen them for a long time, give them a call. Especially if they hate talking on the phone. In fact, give your best friend from high school, junior high or even kindergarten a ring. They probably need a bitter memory from high school that they were just starting to forget, brought up again. Remind them of the terrible memory that is you. Give them an immature swirly, noogie or wedgie. Humiliate them in front of their family. Send them to therapy for another 5 years. Be that friend that they never wanted.
ARRRRRGGGGHHHHH
Bitter Friends For Never(BFF) Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
A clever Bro-mide.
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My son and I do a Brocation when the girls were out of town for a few days, so it was pretty fun. We just played video games and ate pizza and broed out.
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Ahh that image of the guy acting crazy is seriously scary!! Also now I am dying for an ice cream sandwich with sprinkles!! So now thanks to you I’m feeling frightened and binge eating. I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure that means I’m in love!
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There used to be an ice cream sandwich that had chocolate chips on the outside of the ice cream part that I loved but of course they discontinued it, because they know I like being bitter.
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yummmm droooooool, why would they discontinue that?!?… I can’t eat dairy without dying a little, so my favorite is mint tofutti cuties with chocolate chips inside. I chop all eight up in a big bowl (because I’m a gluttonous monster) and let them melt and have this neverending big chocolate chip minty ice-cream awesomeness… life is good…
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I can’t eat pizza without dying a little inside either, but that doesn’t stop me from eating it anyways. I’ve never been very good at listening to authority (my body).
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ah yeah pizza is definitely a tough one! I really love potato rosemary pizza though so that ends up working out ok!
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Never heard about that kind. Maybe I should try it sometime. I mean it’s pizza so it must be good.
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I’m sorry, I have a hard time watching the gifs of people falling down because I did something unspeakably cruel to my back this week by coughing while I showered. I’m going to have to either give up coughing or showering and neither choice is all that good.
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Coughing and showering is a bad combination that I try to avoid, lest I get a starring role as a gif someday.
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Have you had any luck sending yourself out for dry-cleaning? I need to try something and I’m getting a little desperate.
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Too bad for me; I don’t have any of those squad mate/friend thingies to reach out to. Guess I’ll have to settle for hanging out with the imaginary variety.
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I don’t either. I had a few friends in college, but I don’t live anywhere near them. I just heard that that is what you are supposed to do with them.
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The hockey player flinging his stick probably pleaded his case by saying he didn’t mean to actually hit the official. That’s usually the stance guys like that take in those situations. “Geez, you don’t think I meant to do that do you?”
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I’m sure the ref is like, “No big deal. I mean chucking it all the way across the ice ‘by accident’ happens to me all the time. No harm, no foul. I’m just an underpaid ref doing a glory less job. Have fun out there!
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Yes, I always look forward to that awkward pause when I call someone after 20 years and they finally figure out who I am. By the way, you do know that the guys in Gears of War are gay, right? Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
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Not that there is anything wrong with that, but are you speculating they are gay because you are stereotyping guys like that are, or do you know because you spoke with the developers?
And yeah, that awkward pause is what it is all about.
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No, really I’m just teasing you but I have to say, all these guys that are heavy into male bonding…I just gotta wonder.
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I just figured you knew Cliffy B and Rod Ferguson as well as I do. I mean you live in LA area, which gives you access to all the bigwigs.
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Well, I do rub shoulders with all kind of celebrities just about every day…including Bitter Ben.
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You’ve never actually seen me in person though. That’s like saying since I’ve seen David Robinson on TV that I rub shoulders with him.
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Okay, well don’t tell anyone though. It will ruin my street cred.
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Just pretend you saw me from a distance at some conference or another or that worked behind the scenes at YouTube when I was filming stuff.
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Oooooh, big shot!
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Big shot Bitter Ben they call me.
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Oh my!
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And by they, I mean my imaginary fans, and friends.
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Of course.
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