When it comes to getting going on the day, I am a molasses starter. I’m not talking about waking up, which I do after the first alarm, or being awake (I only sleep 5-6 hours a night) but getting a start on being productive. But on the other hand, when I’m only productive about 1-2 hours a day (when I happen to be writing my blog), it doesn’t matter if I get a slow start, middle or ending. But I’ve heard many people have troubles starting the day without a little jolt or boost(coffee, energy drinks, electrical shock), but why start out so abruptly anyways? But in case you need something to ease your day into, here are some Friday Giftures to help you avoid early morning efficiency.
Pour a little sugar in the engine…
…that’ll slow this car down…
Make sure the floor are slippery….
…so you can begin your slow descent down to the floor.
Make sure you slow your breathing...
…so no one thinks you are there..
Make sure you slow everything down…
…so even your hand falls asleep.
Clearly this guy needs to be in less of a hurry…
…to get to work.
Clearly this guy didn’t follow the hard fast rule…
…of never leaving the couch once you are on it…
And this guy gets punished for trying to be in a hurry…
….but at least he will get to lay there for a while.
Even being in a hurry in the weather…
…gets you a seat in the puddle.
And trying to speed through getting taller…
…makes you come up short.
Other times when you are too slow to school…
..you end up having to wave to the annoying person.
And speed talkers in the morning, mid-day, afternoon or night…
…just stop talking.
Or there will be a storm coming your way…
…soon.
Go ahead and get your jump starter on the day. Be productive if you want, but I’ll be sitting here, working on my inefficiency, slugging my way through the day while you get get things done, only to go home and go out and party, while I sit here like a bump on a highway. Bitter weekend, overachievers.
ARRRRRGGGGHHHHH
Bitterly Slow Starter Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
Lol Molasses. I took a 3 hour nap, how’s that for inefficient? 😀 Although, I napped quite efficiently.
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I appreciate the inefficiency of taking the nap, but try to be a little more inefficient next time about the napping.
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I’ll do my worst. I mean, best.
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You were right. Do your worst.
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That first gif looks like my daughter. I’m pretty sure it is her. It looks exactly like her idea of maintenance and that’s her car. Blaming the car when it fails to run however, she got that from her father.
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That one looks like me, except I’m a boy and I don’t drive a beetle. I’m pretty sad when it comes to figuring out anything in an engine.
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I think some of those people might need medical attention. 😂 ~Bridgette
Ben… have a bitter weekend.
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I guess some people will do just about anything to get attention. Even medical attention.
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Hahaha… 😂
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Clearly the best post I’ve read all day! And I never could understand all the fuss for the need to hurry with exception of needing a washroom.. ;D
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You haven’t read many other posts then huh? Yeah, people just need to slow down and lay on the couch.
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Read? What is that? If you hadn’t of had gifs I’d have been clueless. 😄😄 Never quit blogging Ben. You always make me laugh my damn as off! ;D
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Oh great! No pressure. Now I have to keep blogging forever? Are you sure I can’t quit when both of us are blind and deaf?
I will keep doing gifs so those of you that don’t know what reading is can just look at the funny bitter moving pictures.
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Well.. I’m already semi blind & definitely partially deaf because I ignore volume warnings when listening to music so maybe only another year tops…
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I ignore those warnings too and can already hear ringing in my ears. But on the other hand, I can’t hear people as well, so…
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Ooo you’ve got the ear ring too. Methinks maybe, just maybe ignoring those warnings weren’t very smart on either of our part’s. Then again very few people have anything to say that is worth hearing..
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Yeah, like you said, it would give me an excuse to never have to talk on the phone again ever.
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After this Friday’s Giftures, I’m ready to go… home.
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I barely made it through this post before I was ready to go home. I guess it makes people sleepy.
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Not to worry. We’ll wake up just in time for Saturday! Have a good one, Ben. 😀
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The ladder gif may give me nightmares!!
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Well next time you climb a ladder make sure it isn’t on a wet floor and I think you will avoid it…
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Agreed! 🙂
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If you’re anything like me, coffee isn’t quite an abrupt jolt unless I’ve had 2-3 cups! One cup of coffee doesn’t make me productive haha
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I guess you need to some new form of joltage then!
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What would Friday be without your post, Bitter Ben? 🙂 Thanks for the laugh 😀
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It’s like for me, a Friday wouldn’t be a Friday without pizza.
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hahaha Just eaten my pizza! – It’s early evening here, but I was hungry! Don’t judge! 🙂
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Why would I ever judge someone eating pizza? I eat mine for lunch every Friday. And sometimes when my wife forgets we get it for dinner too!
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ending ..
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Beginning…
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That first gif is basically my approach to car maintenance. I just wing it and pray the car keeps running.
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Clearly it’s mine too as I wanted to have mine towed early this week and sent for repair when I found out it was just an air filter. Like I know how to replace on of those…
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Of course you only sleep 5-6 hours a night. When you spend 8 hours sleeping on the couch, what do you expect?
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And don’t forget the hours of just sleeping while sitting at the job or in the car.
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Yes, that’s true. It must be difficult for you to wake up from the couch and go to bed every night at 11:00.
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It’s an everyday bitter struggle. Not sure how I push through.
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Be strong, Ben, be strong.
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I’ll be more diligent in not moving this weekend.
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Okay, I have my hidden cameras trained in to watch you while you don’t move. It makes for great footage. However, if I see you acting too motivated this weekend I will expose you and it may very well bring down your street cred.
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Thanks goodness I did nary a thing except go from the couch to the fridge. Being sick and bitter can do that to you.
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Yes, it’s all going as planned.
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You know, since you live in Burbank, you don’t live too far away from where my place of birth is. You should probably make a pilgrimage to Pasadena and visit the home of bitterness.
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I didn’t know I was within driving distance to such greatness. Pray tell, where is the place of divinity?? I must go to feel the bitterness in it’s purest form! I feel bitterer already!!
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I’m shocked you didn’t try to drive by it every day on your out of way route to work. The address is Sunnyslope Drive and I’ll have to ask my parents what the number was. But Pasadena was the city. It’s at the end of the dead end street and it had San Andreas going through the back yard.
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Except for it being called Sunnyslope, it all sounds very likely.
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It’s likely because it is true. Also the Sunnyslope was a bitter irony considering my bitter disposition.
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I bet every day you looked at it with a furrowed brow and willed it into saying Cloudyslope until you finally gave up and moved to Seattle.
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You have no idea how powerful my brow is. Seattle used to be like Sunny California until I moved here.
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I heard something about that.
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You better hope I don’t move back to Cali.
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The sun will go away permanently.
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Don’t let me visit the sun either.
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Well, I believe your actually on the do not serve list as far as the sun goes so there most likely will not be a problem…as long as you don’t go starting things.
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Well if they offer sun dried tomato sauce for pizza on the sun, I might actually end up going there one day. Say goodbye to the planet then.
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