Your aunt’s leftover pea soup.
Encyclopedia salespeople.
A space shuttle flight to beautiful sunshiny sun.
A Periscope of your friends surgery.
Wanna try new garbage scented Mouthwash
Indoor fireworks.
Casual high speed chase on Thursday at 5 pm on the 405.
Pumpkin Fight.
To being Elon Musk’s insurance agent.
Wanna be a cat scratching post?
Wanna see what happens in you stick your hand in the fan?
Wanna go to work tomorrow?
Wanna go on a road trip to Russia?
On the Bachelor: Will you marry me?
Wanna help me clean up some cow patties?
Can my kids come over for a few hours?
Butterflies.
Scary stories.
Bunnies.
Hey, you should check out this Ben’s Bitter Blog.
ARRRRGGGHHH
Bitter NO’zzz Ben
“Butterflies.” Lol. This one is my favorite because it is just so random.
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I’ve always kind of been afraid of butterflies, because of the randomness of their flight pattern. It seems like they are always stalking me.
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Our pet rabbit would like you to know he disapproves of saying no to him. And to emphasize the point, he is really quite large for a rabbit. He’s bigger than I was through about fourth grade.
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Well, I disapprove of his murdering the people in Monty Python and I’m sure others (I believe he is after me) in their murderous rage.
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What?! I always say yes to encyclopedia sales people because at one for $20 or two for $50, how could you NOT find a better deal?! Also, there’s definitely not something like the internet where you can find out about everything that happened ever. Encyclopedia’s are never going to be obsolete.
On a non-sarcastic note, I love your blog! 🙂
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Well, now that you mention it, that is a really good deal. I’m thinking that I want to start using the Yellow Pages and MySpace too, because they are the grooviest!
On a non bitter note, Thanks!
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They’re the best, aren’t they?! Also, PAYPHONES. Those bitches are never going out of style.
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I’ve been secretly saving up for a PayPhone that I can put in my house, because I want to pay per quarter for every call. And I can attach my most recent Yellow Pages via one of those wires.
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Noice!
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And maybe one of those arcade machines to replace my Xbox.
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Wait, when did we move from mocking things to talking about things that are actually cool?
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Well, you know, over a certain amount of days, I start forgetting about what we were talking about and just go with the flow. I’m okay with talking about cool things too. 🙂
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Hahahaha, I only know cause I went back and read the comment thread. That’s my bad for dropping the ball on this one. 🙂
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Not your bad at all. Just funny how comments can evolve from one tiny thing and can move and sway. I’ve found myself even repeating things I said when I don’t pay attention to the thread. Oh well, makes for some interesting thoughts! And nice pun there with your last name by the way.
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Haha, right?! I love saying that I’m on the ball or dropped the ball but other people rarely pick up on it. Gold star for you sir! 😉
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I’m a big advocate of the pun and think they should be used on a regular basis. I applaud your integration of it, and am glad that I was able to pick it up. In fact, I do a game that me and my best friend did in college all the time in which we would knock on a girls door, start pointing at objects in the room, using puns with them, then quickly leaving. I still do it to this day, but without going to a girl’s apartment, just doing it around the house. It will either infuriate people or make them laugh. I enjoy either reaction.
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LOVE it. Anyone who doesn’t isn’t worth knowing. This is my new screening test.
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Seriously. Why would anyone not like puns? I guess the same people that don’t understand sarcasm or had their sense of humor removed when they were a kid.
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Really, they aught to start banning that surgery. Also, not sure if I used the correct ‘aught’ there but waaay to lazy to google it.
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No kidding. Waiting those microseconds for Google to figure out spelling is time you could be spending on laying around on the couch or eating pizza.
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I might have told you this before, but I like the way your brain works good sir.
Also, I know it’s spelled right because I rely on that little red line like I’m on “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?” and the red squiggles are a lifeline. I was wondering about the aught/ought but I think one’s just British. I’m still refusing to Google it for some reason.
Also, I would have said Cash Cab instead of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire but it’s Canadian and I’m not sure anyone else would get the reference. If you have access to Cash Cab, watch that show. It’s amazeballs. Who Wants To Be A Millionaire sucks.
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Bitter minds think alike? I think I heard that expression somewhere.
As far as I’m concerned a word is spelled right if there is no read line. And it also means it is the most brilliant word ever used in the situation. See why we are so good at writing?
Is Cash Cab where that host picks people up and quizzes them for cash and if they get three wrong they have get out and pay their own tab? Yes, I’m also cheering for them to get them wrong so they have to get out and find a new cab or huff it.
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That’s the one!! I’m always rooting for them to stay in the cab, partially because I’m Canadian and therefore innately nice, but also because I’m usually playing against them in my living room and I’m crazy competitive. I wanna see it through to the end.
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Ah, so you are the one that wants to get the answers right then yell at the contestant that they are an idiot for not knowing that! But doesn’t it make you bitter that you could have been the one in the cab getting the money? Just sayin’. And yeah, you Canadians are so nice. Thank goodness for you or the US would float off into the ocean for our meanness.
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It’s true. We’ve known for years that Canada was the US’s anchor. We are not all happy about it, but we’re too nice to say anything. ;P
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Sorry aboot that. I said that in Canadian just there. Anyways, I would thank you for it, but I’m a bitter American! 🙂
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HA! Well played.
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Ha! Thanks for being so nice!
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All I could do was shake my head and say “No” louder and louder as I read this post haha
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I’m sure there are some sure fire no’s that you have, especially when it comes to the psychotic people you work with or meet on a daily basis.
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Haha well of course, it wouldn’t be safe not to!
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I look forward to hearing all about your new set of psychotic co-workers!
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Haha my co-workers are pretty good overall, it’s just the people who work outside of my “department” that are strange.
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That will probably last for a little while until it doesn’t. Good luck keeping the outsiders out too.
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Thank you!
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I’m so helpful sometimes.
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What, nobody commented adding things you should say no to? I personally should have said no to the second hot dog with dinner, but that is hardly humorous. If a woman wants you to have an affair with her and kill her husband, you should probably turn her down (I got that from an episode of “Snapped,” several episodes, in fact). I’ll comment again if I come up with more.
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Yeah, a few commented, but on Sundays, I’m usually too lazy to comment back, because naps. Yeah, I’ve seen Snapped enough to know that you should never say no to a certain type of woman.
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Yes, I see all the comments now. I almost never say no to a nap or to watching Snapped, but in general I suffer from a deep-seated inability to say no in many circumstances (it did give me a certain popularity back in the ’80s, but never mind that).
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Oh man, you’re just like my wife. She says yes to her friends all the time so she ends up doing stupid stuff and complaining to me that she doesn’t want to do them. I’m like just be like me where you don’t say no, you just don’t say yes. Avoid, avoid, avoid!
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Once in a while I end up being glad I did something I had wanted to say no to, but that’s not what we’re talking about right now.
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Sorry, how could I have gotten off that subject…
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I thought it was my fault and was afraid you’d be bitter about that.
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Nope not your fault, however, when is the last time I wasn’t bitter about someone. That is unavoidable.
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True dat.
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Well, I say no to this advice, because Pumpkin Fights. Also scary stories. Especially when combined.
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That is probably the best no you can ever say to something. This post and this blog are just bad for you. Pumpkin fights would probably hurt especially if you got hit by one of the stems.
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Sometimes being the cat’s scratching post happens without an invitation.
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That’s why I don’t have a cat.
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I just texted a my kid’s friend’s father to ask if my son could come over for a few hours. Notice how it wasn’t me offering to have the kid here? I’m getting smart.
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I think you are learning. I need to start instilling a fear of my house so that when neighborhood kids come over they think our house is haunted.
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That’s a terrific idea…although I think your bitter attitude may scare them off anyway.
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I’ve tried. I guess that isn’t enough. It’s time to start haunting the place.
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I think a road trip to Russia would be fun…unless…unless there are killer bunnies there. Please! No killer bunnies! 🙂
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It would be fun if there was some sort of car that would allow us to drive to Russia. Maybe one with waterskiis?
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Here’s another place that people might consider for a vacation: Have you heard about the North Korean diet clinic. Their motto is, ” You WILL lose weight.” 🙂
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Even if the weight is your head?
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Especially if the weight is in your head. They would be happy to remove your head for you. That will relieve you of all your problems. 🙂
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That would remove only about 10% of my bitterness, but it would definitely eliminate most of my problems.
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