Controversy Bitterness

/ bensbitterblog

I know this is a controversial subject, but when have I ever shied away from controversial subjects? All the time, you say? Well, yeah I guess you are correct.  It bothers me when people are so proud of their accomplishments that they do in the early morning without a little coffee.  Just today, I overheard a co-worker bragging that he accomplished something at 8 am without the aid of his coffee. I’m like, I accomplish more bitterness by 6 am than most people even attempt all day.

If I was coffee.

If I was coffee.

So let’s get a little controversial today.  I don’t drink coffee.  Never have, never will.  I honestly don’t think many people like the taste of it (so few actually drink it black), but they more adore the way it perks them up in the morning.  A vast majority of people add creams and foams and sugar and candy and ice and everything but the kitchen candy store. I’m probably wrong about the reason people drink it, but don’t really care.  Maybe there is someone out there who really does like the flavor of straight up coffee, but I’ve tried the really strong chocolate that is made from the cocoa bean and it’s not good. I don’t even like the smell of coffee.  I know I’m in the 1% of people in this country (and especially in this city) that don’t drink coffee. So send the hate mail.  Coffee is as bitter as I am.

Maybe if they talked and cleaned up after themselves. Then again, too much talking...

Maybe if they talked and cleaned up after themselves. Then again, too much talking…

Here’s another I will probably get hate mail for.  I don’t like pets.  My kids have begged for years to get them one and this is one of the few stands I have taken against them. They have tried every technique. The doe eyes, the whine, the pout, the “I promise I will take care of them every day and feed them and…” and no you won’t.  The dad always ends up walking them or letting them out or cleaning the cage, and paying for the expensive organic, grain fed food, made of duck and salmon food.  And cleaning up after them.  And getting rid of the hair everywhere.  If they can’t even clean up the darts after a Nerf war, do you think they are going to clean something stinky? And enough with the PetCo commercials calling real people “Pet Parents”.  I’m sorry but unless you are cat yourself, you are not a pet parent.  I’m sorry.  And don’t tell me it’s because I’ve never had a pet before.  I had both a dog and a cat growing up.  I know your all love your pets, but it’s probably because you’ve gone nose blind, just like I have to my own scent.

Father’s day. I never really understand the bitterness people had for Father’s Day until a few years ago I was sarcastically answering a tweet from one of my followers that just happened to have had a total stranger tagged on the tweet that I answered.  The moment I made the indication that Father’s Day was a good day(because, you know, I am one) she tore me a new hole in my head.  Ripping into every fiber of my bitter soul.  Luckily, I have no soul because I’m a father, but I had no idea how little it took to incense someone who didn’t have love for Father’s Day.  On top of that? I wrote a post two years ago, called Father’s Day Bitterness for Me, and it got more views for the title than my 2015 one for my tribute to my dad.  So to all those offended by fathers, I’m really sorry for being a good one to my kids.

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Yeah dads!

I don’t love football.  I don’t spend my whole year watching football, reading about football, betting on football, participating in fantasy leagues and honestly I only really watch the SuperBowl for the commercials.  I know it is the most popular sport in the US by far, but I just don’t get all the love for it.  I grew up in South Dakota. We don’t have a football team there.  I went to two colleges, one which was a junior college, which had a team, but didn’t really measure on a national scale and the other one didn’t have one at all.  And to me there are so many complicated plays, different positions, who I am only learning what they are supposed to do, etc and did you realize that only about 15 minutes out of an actual 60 minute game there is actually action? There may be a lot of flaws in basketball, but at least they are moving most of the game.

Can we just move on?

Can we just move on?

Kids.  I have very little love for kids.  I have two of them, which I like most of the time, when they aren’t being whiny and obnoxious.  But other’s people’s kids? No, I don’t really want to hold your baby.  No, I don’t want to watch your kids for free.  No, I don’t have an open door policy to the neighborhood kids, even though apparently they think I do.  People in general are the worst, but when they are kids and they don’t really understand manners or that fact that I don’t want their germs or to clean up after them or to feed them, kids are just miniature versions of really rude, arrogant, loud, non-stop talking, irresponsible, never ending spending, self-centered adults.  You know, the kind of adults I like least.

Sounds good to me.

Sounds good to me.

So, yeah.  Clearly I needed to wake up this morning and since I don’t drink coffee, I have to wake up with a little controversy this morning instead.  Can’t wait to hear all the bitter comments! Or all the silence (which I actually prefer more!)

ARRRRGGGHHHH

Controversilly Bitter Ben

54 thoughts on “Controversy Bitterness”

  1. My dear occasional gentleman, firstly, thank you for visiting and liking my little ‘Bliss’ (blog is such a vulgar word).
    Secondly, please don’t spend valuable time worrying about American Football. I think when the Pilgrim Fathers sailed away from Plymouth to your colonial shores, like Chinese Whispers, the rules became compromised and the aim of the game blurred. At least it offers some entertainment even if it makes no sense whatsoever.
    Football in England is now nothing like the original game but is entertaining, who can fail to be moved by a star player earning thousands of pounds a week, diving to the ground 2 seconds before any of the opposition are near. Who rolls around in agony, banging the ground and must at least have broken his spine; Then the disbelief as miraculously he leaps to his feet and scores a penalty oh the joy. Luckily the poor chap gets a week to rest and recuperate with his team mates in the clubs and bars before having to do it all again.

    Yours Sportingly
    Celia

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    • I’m certainly bitter about the professional sports people who get way too much money to do very little. The fact that they get most of the year off while collecting millions only to complain that they aren’t getting as much as XYZ player is very maddening.

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  2. Crackin’ read this blog of yours, squire. I believe that the pipe on the heading is a Calabash – you probably don’t need to know this, but I’m a pipe-nerd.

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        • Now that is awesome. It’s pretty amazing how every kind of passion or product has its own subculture around it and no matter how passionate you think you are about something, there is someone out there that is more passionate. I remember back in the 80’s being a huge fan of the Transformers and when the internet was just getting big in the mid 90’s I searched the internet for Transformers and there were some dudes that were superfreaks about them. It just blew my mind.

          Liked by 1 person

  5. Here here. I often feel bad for not liking coffee. It either makes me seem weird or childish. But let’s be honest: coffee’s pretty disgusting. End of story. Thanks, Mr. Bitter Ben, for validating my dis-preference.

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  7. I actually drink decaf coffee, so I guess I do drink it for the taste and not the caffeine. Although I do put artificial sweetener in it. I agree that straight up coffee is bad for you. You shouldn’t be constantly stimulating yourself any more than you should be constantly tranquilizing yourself with pills.

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  8. I don’t drink coffee either. I think we need to start a support group for us because I get the worst scowls when people learn this about me.

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  9. You grew up in South Dakota? No wonder you’re bitter. 😃😁 It’s good you like your own kids, they must still be young and cute. Once they become teenagers you’ll be wondering what you ever saw in the little brats. Anyways great post once again, I’m really stuck on the coffee dilemma. .I thought I loved the stuff but now you mention it, I need it heavily creamed and sweetened, which is disguising the taste completely. Maybe I hate coffee? 😩

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    • Oh yeah, South Dakota was a bitter place to grow up. So cold and bland. So little to do. So few good jobs. Had to move out and find my bitterness elsewhere. Turns out I can be bitter in many different locations.

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  11. Couldn’t agree with you more. I especially hate all sport. Why would anyone want to watch it in any way is more than I can understand.

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  12. Well I just can’t let you have the silence after all that now can I? 🙂 I like coffee but I can live without it (at least I did for 6 months straight before I picked it back up). Pets = meh for me. I can take them or leave them. Lately I’ve decided our cat is our last. I am so done cleaning litter boxes!

    Sports are a definite meh for me. Though I do love the way a winning team (whatever the sport) can generate a ton of community pride and spirit.

    Kids are fine so long as they’re grandkids. I get to play with them, hype them up on sugar etc. and send them packing back to Mommy and Daddy!

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  14. I once read a Facebook status asking “Why are there no cards for mother’s on Father’s Day??? Some mothers can be fathers too!” I refrained from saying anything at all….

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  15. Yep, don’t like coffee, don’t like pets, don’t like kids other than my own, Father’s Day is okay even though my dad kind of sucked. So, yeah, I basically said in one sentence what you probably took at least 15 minutes to write and I’m still betting no one cares.

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    • The ball is weirdly shaped(especially when Tom Brady gets a hold of it) the plays all have wacky names, and it is just too complicated for me. And yeah, too many bowls. They should only be used for cereal.

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