100,000 Bitter Views

/ bensbitterblog

 

I think 1 person just kept clicking 100,000 times.

I think 1 person just kept clicking 100,000 times.

I’ve been annoying people for a long time now.  From the moment I started kicking in my mom’s belly to popping the plastic letter people in kindergarten to jumping on my bed in first grade to annoying 4 siblings, to annoying roommates and now my co-workers and family members, I’ve had a long illustrious career of annoying people.  But three years ago, I got tired of annoying the same old people, and decided that I needed to make a change.  Twitter wasn’t the global phenomenon that it is today, Facebook was more annoying to me that I was to it, and I just felt like I wasn’t getting through to annoying people on a large enough scale.

How about you bring me 100,000 cupcakes?

How about you bring me 100,000 cupcakes?

Then an idea popped into my head, and I ignored it for a while, because most of mine are so laaammme. Then, another much lamer idea came to me, and I decided that this was the one.  A 900 number.  Most of the kids today don’t know what these are because smart phones, but back in the day, people actually paid money to call people.  Most of them were for calls of ill repute, but some were for tips on video games or other things like information.  Google of course replace that, but my idea, people calling in to complain then allowing the customer service rep to complain right back.  It is still in the works because I’m lazy and also don’t know if 900 numbers exist, but in its place I decided to do a lame blog instead.

So I wrote all the stuff I was bitter about and got 30 views the first day. Mostly my co-workers and myself. I toiled on for about 8 months until I figured out that there were other readers on WordPress that would read other peoples blogs and fast forward to about a week ago and I got my 100,000th view on this blog. I was going to celebrate by giving the 100,000th viewer $100,000 but I was on vacation at the time, and I’m not sure who it was.  If you are out there, feel free to call my 900 number and I will send you the check.

Call my 900 line and it is yours.

Call my 900 line and it is yours.

On a much bitter note, I would like to thank myself for all the hard work of getting to this point of annoying so many people.  Also, I’m just kidding. What is hard work?

ARRRGGGHHHH

Bitter Viewfinder Ben

35 thoughts on “100,000 Bitter Views”

  1. Pingback: The Friday .GIF Post No. 477 – WTF Toy, ViewMistress & Nobody Notices Stupid | Tacky Raccoons

  3. Congratulations on 100,000 posts of bitterness. Me, I have added you to my morning start-up routine at work, right between the weather forecast and checking the sports scores. Isn’t that a bitter way to start the day? J.

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  12. Congrats on 100,000 views. I was the 100,000 person, but I’m pretty sure your check would bounce and then you would go beyond being annoying. I would be extremely bitter and you would have a jail term. Anyhoo, being bitter burns far more calories than being happy. That, in itself, means you are working hard at annoyance. Salute yourself with a piece of bitter dark chocolate and take the rest of the day off.

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  13. Congrats on your 100,000 post. Your bitterness should be tapered down now.

    I once got a solicitation call trying to sell me a chimney sweep. I got so mad since he continued to call that I decided to flip things around.

    After his sales job, I then starting asking him about his home. I then suggested that he needs new aluminum siding. Mind you that I do not sell aluminum siding or know anything about it. It didn’t matter. He got so pissed off after my sale of the siding for 10 minutes (laughing to myself at the same time) that he finally hung up and never heard from him again.

    A bit of his own medicine.

    Liked by 1 person

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  14. I’m bitter because I saw this blog before and read the whole stupid thing before realizing the link was broken which meant I was unable to leave my witty and slightly insulting remarks. Anyway, I’m glad you posted it again because, like everyone else who comments here will tell you, I was your 100,000 visitor. But the thing is, I know it was me because I hacked into your site and kept clicking on it until the number went up to 100,000 so now I think I’m gonna need some money…yeah.

    Liked by 2 people

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