I’m coming to you live from the cruise ship. Cause I’m too legit to quit.
Hello Bitter Blog Followers. It is I, Bitter Ben, and I come to you from the Past, because when you read this, I will be soaking in the darkness and bitterness of the moonlight on a cruise ship. I am obviously complaining to some poor, sad ship worker about something bitter or another and trying to hunt down Mickey Mouse for all the bitterness he has caused me in my life, from waiting in long lines to overpricing all his merch, to providing the highest of expectations of “The Greatest Place on Earth” and underdelivering every time. To explain this to the slow, I am actually writing this before vacation, and then using some real WordPress magic, as opposed to fake “Disney magic” to transport this post into a future date. So just so you know, though Disney has more money making ability in its Empire, the WordPress Empire(23% of the web is powered by WordPress) has more practical magic.
This post is to explain that you will be not hearing from me for a week and a half. I know that is inducing a lot of clapping all across the 23% of the web using WordPress right now, but don’t get too excited quite yet. I will be having some very bitter Guest Posters covering for me. Though they aren’t near as bitter as me overall, they do have a lot to offer in some specific bitter ways, and also some are bitter in more broad ways. Regardless, you will be bittertained. In fact, after having read all the guest posts presented to me, I imagine that most of you will probably defect to these other blogs, and I will probably return to find my blog as empty as a MySpace Fan Convention. Also, just because they are substitute teachers, doesn’t mean you should treat them as so. They will be reporting back to me after this is all over and if I hear any word that you have been anything but bitter about their posts, there will be a Bitter Reckoning.
You’re scared now aren’t you?
Speaking of Reckoning, I assume that the Ship of The Mouse will probably not be too pleased to hear all my bitterness, as I don’t think it is allowed there. So if you hear of a bitter blogger thrown over a cruise ship on the news, you know that is me. Assume that I will either be lost at sea forever, eaten by sharks, or lost in the Bermuda triangle. If you do sea(get it?) that, go ahead and contact my family and tell them my WordPress password, and keep sending in Guest Posts to them until my daughter reaches the right age to take over the bitter blog. If Disney doesn’t throw me over, I will be back Thursday the 17th, and I’m sure I will not be feeling it that day and not want to post anything. Regardless, I’ll be back and with a bitter vengeance…sometime.
I thought the Carib was supposed to be warm.
Until then, I will be having scouts watching you, and…enjoy the time you have away from me. It will probably be your least bitter time for a while.
ARRRRRRGGGGHHHH of the SEA
Bitter Crusin Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
loling. “as empty as a MySpace Fan Convention”– PERFECTION
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I’m almost positive that is what is going to happen. Except that I’m never positive. Or right.
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Have a wonderful, bitter vacay, Ben! Enjoy that corrupt mouse if you can. I look forward to your guest posters.
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Thankfully, I only had to put up with the mouse several times. Luckily, I got my bitter revenge by ordering Mickey Bars (Ice cream bars in the shape of Mickey) and bit his ears off.
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Oh, ow!! That’ll show him! That must have felt good. 🙂 or tasted good.
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Yes, revenge always tastes sweet.
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Watch the sea for there under the currents is a world that can be very bitter. Do the fish taste the meat of fish? Are there any veggie fish? Do fish use sea salt for condiments? Can fish be bitter?
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Yeah. We were in a time share near where you worked. We never made it to Lego land, but we went to Universal way too many time.s
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I am now a bellhop at the LegoLand Resort.
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That’s close to SeaWorld right?
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Seaworld is thirty miles away. They are having bad attendance because of the orca problem.
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I think it is also because there are so many parks there that are stealing all the people too.
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I’m not scared. See, I’m sticking my tongue out because your back is turned and I am ready to give out wormy apples and put the stapler in a jello mold. See if I care. What are you going to do? Suspend me? Give me detention?? Oooh, I’m shaking!!
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Exactly what I would do too. Cause of my life long issue with authority or anyone else telling me what to do. So, I guess fine then. Do whatever you want to those substitutes.
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I could call the authorities you know!
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But then you would have to remember what the number for 911 was.
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That’s true…
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Ahahaha! You always have the most perfect Gifs. I gotta admit… I’m kinda jealous. Have fun!
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I don’t know. It seems like everyone else has quite the gif collections and I just steal from them. What I need to do is start my own gif company.
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What software do you use to create your gifs?
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It’s a new kind of software I like to call Google search.
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I thought they were originals. I was just curious after Reddit suggested the softwares to use to create Gifs
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Nope. Nothing about me is original. Actually, once I did create one. I think there was a free website that helped take videos from Youtube and shorten them to make them a gif.
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Thanks for answering the Eradica Question of the Day.
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I feel extremely bitter that you used the term “merch.” IT’S MERCHANDISE, FOR GOD’S SAKE!!! Shortening words is a breezy, chipper, annoying, young, UNBITTER thing to do (to show how inappropriate that is, my computer seems to feel that “unbitter” is not a word) (neither is “merch” now that I mention it). It is not worthy of you. Hang your head in shame.
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Oh, but I REALLY like your opening picture. Nice.
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That’s because I’m too legit to quit.
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I did that just so it would make you bitter. On the other hand, I’m pretty lazy and merchandise is such a long word. UGGGHHH. I have my head hanging in shame right now. Okay I’m done.
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But not done feeling bitter about it, I suppose.
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Of course not.
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I knew you wouldn’t disappoint me
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I always disappoint people.
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Other people, perhaps. Me, and I’m sure many of your readers, you never disappoint.
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Everyone else but people that read my blog. Parents, kids, employers, so disappointed.
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It is your way of spreading bitterness to all.l
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I guess maybe I need a television channel or movie to spread it any farther.
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Oh, oh, now I am bitter! The Bitterest man on the internet simply cannot take a cruise to the happiest place on Earth! That is just all wrong. This is great offense. Also, am I the only one that never, never gets to take a vacation??
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You bitter believe I can. Even more ammo for my bitter life, having to deal with all the happy people on the cruise.
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