Bitter Observation Day

/ bensbitterblog

I was left in charge of looking after the kids for several hours, so the first thing I did was take a nap for a few hours.  That way I could keep an even sharper eye on them when I woke up.  When I did wake up, I made sure that I got some fresh air and exercise was done.  So I sat down in my outdoor chair and made sure the kids moved around by doing some biking.  And I was ever vigilant of what they were doing while looking at my phone the whole time.  This allowed me to make observations, which I’m bitter enough to share.

1. I wore some camo shorts and for some reason, they don’t work.  People saw me all day.  I would suggest you don’t buy then if you don’t want to be seen.

2. I saw Taken 3, which started if you will remember started with the original movie Taken.  There was also a Taken 2.  What I want to know is what happened to Taken 1? Why do they always seem to skip that one in the sequel hierarchy?

3. The days are getting longer around here, which makes me bitter.  How are my kids supposed to think it’s nighttime when it looks like daytime? How am I supposed to play video games as a crazy Vault hunter when people are distracting me?

4. Like how does seeing something scary scar people for life? All my scars involved something not so scary like running into another kid.

5. Apples.  Why does everyone think they are so great? Apple juice is gross, they are always scaring doctors away, worms are always growing out of them, and they got poisoned in Snow White or Cinderella or something.

6. Why aren’t drones delivering me pizza everyday?

7. Carpet. Little known fact: Both cars and pets can drive on carpet.  Actually cars need people to drive them, and pets can’t drive because they don’t have licenses, but that is how the name carpet was invented.  Look it up.  I dare you.

8. A watched pot never boils.  Uh, yeah it does.  That is like saying a watched lawn never grows, or a watched paint never dries.  Who comes up with these sayings that make no sense? I think I’ll come up with some famous sayings that make no sense.

9. If pictures are worth a thousand words, how much are moving pictures worth? The Avengers was worth like a billions dollars, so how much am I getting paid for my gifs that move a little shorter?

10. What if the internet wasn’t invented? Then you wouldn’t get to read all my keens observations, cause there is no way I’m writing all these things down on paper and sending them all to your house.

Aren’t you just the bitterest people? Why else would be reading this with so many other things on the internet?

Bitter morning!

ARRRRGGGHHHH

Bitter Observation Day

41 thoughts on “Bitter Observation Day”

  1. Hm…it’s almost alarming how similar your randomosity of thought is to my own. Camo is a great big lie at least 95% of the time. And nonsensical sayings are entertaining and irritating and somewhat mind-boggling and you should totally create more. I think All the Taken movies should be lumped into one and titles something along the lines of “pissed off guy with an accent, killing people”, which would be far more accurate and honest really. And apples are only acceptable in certain forms and situations. When I was a kid, my brother and I were required to pick up all the raunchy apple corpses that littered the yard under our 2 apple trees. After the 200th time of being pelted with an explosively rotten apple, I decided that both apples and older brothers kinda suck.
    Once again, you have amused me greatly! LOL

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    • Wow, your brother sounds just like I was as a kid. I always tortured my little brother, but of course, he annoyed me by talking to me. We would just mow over all our rotten apples. Or throw them in our neighbors house.

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      • Yeah, my brother was…well…very big brothery. He also used to steal my barbies, rip their heads off, stick a firecracker into their necks with the fuse hanging out, smoosh the head back on, light the fuze and yell fire in the hole before chucking it at me. He also mummified my beloved Cabbage Patch Doll in layer upon layer of duct tape. And adulthood did little to discourage his meaness. The life of a younger sibling….sigh.
        🙂

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  2. “Hey kids! I’m going to be napping over here so if you REALLY need something or if one of you starts to bleed above the neck, let me know. Blood below the neck is just character. Okay…Good talk.”

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  4. I’m not going to look up the word carpet because I believe you. That is so fantastically amazing how that definition came to be. I hope that doesn’t have any evil connotation for the word hot-dog. Should I be worried?

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  10. Camo doesn’t work on me either. I don’t understand why it doesn’t work. Isn’t its entire purpose of being to work?!

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  12. Why wasn’t ‘Taken 2’ just called ‘Re-Taken’? And why did they make a third one? Who do they tak ein that one, the family dog?

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    • It was like Die Hard with more explosions and people dying. The funny thing is they left it open for another sequel. The next one should be him in a wheel chair in an old folks home, going after another old guy bitter rival.

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