Need more storage units.
Storage units are for when you have so much junk, you just can’t take having any more, so you rent a garage door, a lock and a security gate watched by someone 24/7 for $100 a month. As you probably know, I have a lot of junk, but I don’t like paying money to store things that are junk. What I like to do with it is THROW IT AWAY. Or give it some someone, sell it to someone, or let the earth do it’s job and biodegrade it (shame it into melting away).
Well, my brain is the storage unit for all my junky ideas and I’m tired of paying all the fees to store my leftovers there. Plus, I need the space. So on this Sunday, and possibly every other Sunday, I’m going to delete some junky ideas here, because this is my garbage dump, or my Ebay, depending on how much money you want to pay me for my ideas. Since you are all so cheap, you probably won’t even pony up for the $.30 listing fee and the shipping that I’m overcharging you for. So a bitter thanks for that.
1. I was watching Saturday Night Live last night (because it was Saturday) and it was hosted by Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. It’s a good thing they added the Rock, because otherwise that would be the lamest name in show business.
2. Speaking of The Rock, I was curious about was how many times he has hosted. I guess it hasn’t been 5 yet, because then he would be in the 5-Timers club, which would have given him special privileges. I was thinking I should be a part of this blogs 5-Timer’s Club and be it’s only one, because no one else has posted on here more than once. I’m the King of This Blog! Give me privileges!
Where’s my door? My American Express unlimited card?
3. I was watching Shrek The Third last night and saw that Justin Timberlake was the voice for one of the characters. I was wondering why I was never asked to do voice acting, because I have a very distinct dull, bland uninteresting voice that would play well to the Shrek part.
4. Saw the Hunger Games: Mockingbird movie on Blu-Ray last night. The bitterness was running seriously thick and strong, until there was that one moment where Katniss was playing with the cat, and it totally ruined the bitterness.
5. Malls. I went to them a couple of times this weekend. I’m the kind that just likes to go to the mall and annoy people and not spend money. Unfortunately, I had to buy future garbage for a storage unit.
I believe this person owes me royalties for using my word.
6. Coffee cups. I was thinking I should start making them with bitter saying on them. Because even though I don’t drink coffee, I hear it is bitter and no one is more bitter than me. And who wouldn’t buy a coffee cup with bitter sayings on it?
7. Pizza with Bacon. I didn’t have it this weekend and I want answers why not.
8. Truth or Dare? I’ve never understood why anyone would accept a dare. There is no money involved and why would I do something stupid for no reason at all except to “accept a dare”? And why would I ever want to tell the Truth?
9. Gates must be so bitter. First there was Watergate. Then there was Spygate, now there is DeflateGate. What is next, Bittergate? Why does everyone blame the gates? All they ever wanted to do was form a protective layer around a house. Or start Microsoft. Or become an actress with Christina and her Apple.
10. Started a gardening blog for April Fools Day and called it the Gardening Tool. Thinking Back, I should have called it Bitter Homes and Gardners. (You know, because my last name is Gardner.)
So I just formatted my brain drive and got rid of some junk. Now there is a lot more space for pizza and naps. Got any junkie ideas you want to get rid of? Leave them in the comment section. Just remember to leave the $.30 listing fee.
ARRRRGGGGGHHHH
Bitter Storage Unit Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
If your name was Alan you could call your blog, “Alan’s Anal and Banal Blog”. Just thought I’d throw that out there.
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Thank goodness my name isn’t Alan. I would have had some way different search method’s finding my blog.
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#7 Enough Said. Oh Pizza. Where have you been all my life?
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It’s been in my belly most of my life. But it needs to keep going that way.
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HAHA!
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My only junk idea was that you should wave your $.30 listing fee. Hang on, did this comment just cost me 30 cents? Bugger. That’s extortion you know. So can I have a receipt for tax purposes?
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Yes, I’m sure the IRS will need a tax receipt for the $.30 you pay me every time we speak. I will totally provide you with a receipt. Just so you know, it will say Bitter Enterprises Inc. on it.
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I contacted the IRS to submit my claim, but they said that as I don’t earn any money, I’m not entitled to a refund. They also said that Bitter Enterprises Inc. was in fact dissolved and that they would be initiating an immediate investigation and audit into your activities. I apologise in advance for any bitterness you may sustain and will pay my… crap.. now 60 cents… double crap… that’s US cents right?… just as soon as the bank approves my loan.
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Wow that seems like a lot of work to avoid having to pay $.30. I would just be lazy enough to pretend that I didn’t owe it, then claim ignorance.
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I think we may be missing out on a great money making opportunity here to invest in storage pods. 😉
G-uno
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Shark tank, here we come.
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Why did you not get bacon on your pizza?
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I’m not sure. I guess we had other food, and I didn’t have a say in the matter.
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Hahaha I like the alternate title for your gardening blog!! Also, I like the coffee cup idea. Let’s throw it in with our card business!
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Totally makes me wish I had thought of that name before I started the other blog. Alright, when do we start the coffee cup/greeting card business? How about when I wake up from my two hour naps.
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Perfect.
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We are going to be such a productive company.
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Number 10 takes the rhubarb pie; no cake for bitter Gardners.
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I’m sure there is someone out there that took the Bitter Homes and Gardners idea already.
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Why do cats act like cats? Why do they try to climb the fake tree on the patio, thinking somehow they are camouflaging themselves from the birds? Why don’t they just bark a few times and then lay down and take a nap? Instead the cat is bitterly prevented from being on the patio without adult supervision.
PS: I probably would not buy your coffee cup because I like mine smooth and sweet. Sorry, can’t be bitter about that.
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But isn’t coffee bitter? And cats bitter?
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Coffee is bitter at Starbucks. I don’t drink that crap. My cats are only bitter when I don’t get up at 4:00 am to feed them.
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And Starbucks is all we have around here, except for all the other coffee places.
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I have the Mockingbird movie here in the house but mine’s called Mockingjay. Funny how that happens. Anyway, kids didn’t want to watch it. Chose the first Mad Max instead (prepping for the movie out now my son is going to see today). That was the cheesiest movie ever. Don’t tell me…you loved it.
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I’ve never even seen any of the Mad Max’s, but I’m sure if I did I would love them. Cause cheese is my favorite thing.
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Well then you must!
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I’ll probably have the intention to go see it once, but then sit down, then lay down and lose all motivation to see it.
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That’s why you are so uniquely disappointing.
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I like fail miserably and in unique ways. So glad someone finally figured that out.
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That was one busy weekend. Shrek the Third, Hunger Games, SNL AND the mall!! Did you actually watch all of that? Or did you just catch the first 20 minutes and nap through the rest?
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Oh yeah, I just caught parts of all of them. No way I have the patience to sit through all of those.
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I love #8 and #10! That blog name is perfect!
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Instant regret on the blog name. Perhaps I need to change it or start a new one with that name.
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Must say, yeah, that’s a perfect blog name. Maybe for a future April’s Foolery.
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Yep. Maybe people will forget about last year finally and be fooled by my new blog.
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