I run this place!
What’s up, filthy Muggles? Professor Snape here. Actually you could call me Head Master Snape. I’m guest posting for Bitter Ben on the Friday Giftures this week. Just to keep you up to date on my life, I’m running things at the Hogwarts College of Witchcraft and Wizard Laundry. (Spoiler warning) I know you think I’m dead, but that was just temporary. You know, I’m familiar with potions and stuff right? Just a little Wolfsbane and a Bezoar and I’m good to go. Anyways, I’m back to torturing Harry and the Gang at college. As you know, he quit his last year, to go on some “mystery journey” of “finding himself” and that left him a whole year of magical education short, so he had to take some Wizarding summer school. Then, when he tried to become an Auror, they were like, dude, you’re barely 18! Work at Burger Wizard’s or McGonalgle’s, and get some wizard experience before you try out for an Auror position. Anyways, enough about Harry. I just wanted to you all to know the why reason I’m taking over this blog today. As you know, I’m the bitterest person in the wizard world and Ben couldn’t help letting me do the Friday Giffendors today(let’s just say he didn’t have a choice). Plus, as you know, I’m always taking 10 points from Giffendor all the time anyways. Freaking Harry and his cocky attitude. Seriously, do you wonder why I’m so bitter? Anyways, let’s take a look at my 12 favorite gifs this week (even though, as Ben talked about earlier this week, there is a shortage of gifs on the internet.)
This is one of my favorite spells…
…to torture Muggles with.
Colbert was one of my favorite students….
…he was so good with the laser spells.
Oh and don’t get me started on my favorite student…
…Hasselhoff. Man, could that guy fly with the best of them.
That totally reminds me of the time we enchanted…
…that trap door when that guy was moonwalking. Hilarious!
Unfortunately, this stupid Giffendor…
…learned the wizard lean spell a little too well. I never cared for his shenanigans, much.
Ahh, the enchanted Christmas tree shredder…
…one of my favorite ways to get rid of your stupid muggle trees, so I can build more wizard condos.
I remember teaching this kid…
…the magical dodge. He made your muggle look so stupid! HA HA HA!
Oh and your friend, Jason Vorhees…
…he was one of my favorite Slytherins. He could camp out in lakes like a boss and scare the heck out of Muggles.
And I have to admit, no matter how hard we tried…
…we could never come up with a spell for defrosting windows. We had to scrape with our wands, like you filthy Muggles!
This was one of my favorite things to torture John McClane with…
…whoops, that was a different movie…anyways, HO HO HO!
You know what never gets old…
…this aqua illusion. Muggles fall for it every time!
And for my last Giffendor, I leave you with one of the greatest wizards, with my favorite spell…
…Homer Simpson everyone, performing the invisipizza.
Speaking of pizza, you know it’s Friday and every Friday, we have pizza in the dining hall. My favorite day of the week! You know what I love? Making it disappear in front of the Gryffindors. They can’t stand when I do that every single week. They will never learn. But it is always funny!
So, I had a great time today! So much so, that I think I will be back torturing you Muggles in these Giffendors again. Whether Ben likes it or not. Man, you should see what I do with him when I enchant him. If only I had a camera, he would be on these gifs every week! Anyways, Snape out! And I will be back…
ARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHH, I think he says?
Severus Bitter Garden Snape
Ben's Bitter Blog 
Lol!!
LikeLike
Snape keeps putting spells on me and taking over my blog. Kind of mean, especially when I thought he died.
LikeLike
Bitterly adorable. It’s a thing. Just deal with it.
LikeLike
I will try, but it will be a couple day with my therapist to get through it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Take your time.
LikeLike
Okay, my therapist got me through it, but now I’m onto new bitter things.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m not sure how you managed to survive a snake gouging your neck with Wolfsbane and a bezoar, but I’m sure it’s a great story. I imagine Potter and the gang are just as annoying to you in college as they were at Hogwarts, honestly, why keep teaching when it seems to make you so bitter? I think you may actually enjoy it, Professor.
Looking forward to seeing you post here again.
LikeLike
Thank you so much Tiffany. Honestly, I think Ben is a tad bit too bitter. And trust me, I will be back. I’m very good at potions and taking over blogs.
LikeLike
Snape out of it and give Bitter Ben his blog back. Your extreme wizard bitterness makes Ben look almost, well, cheerful.
LikeLike
I overpowered Snape with my bitterness spell. The blog is mine again, though I’m sure other people will take it over from time to time because I don’t have very good security around here.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That first Snape gif is my favorite. It should actually be a commercial. Let’s start a petition.
LikeLike
He’s actually kind of a big deal in the Wizard World. He endorses many products.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Severus, my love!!! I knew you couldn’t really be gone. The Half Blood Prince couldn’t be done in by a mere snake attack, although you did fabricate an excellent death scene. You should consider acting on the weekends in addition to making potions and torturing Muggles. By the way, if you’re free this weekend, we should whip up some Amortentia just for fun. Then run through some acting drills. I’ll be Lily. XOXO
LikeLike
And who might this muggle enchantress be? I must say I’m intrigued. Just so you know, I am very much so for torturing Muggles, but for you I might make an exception. One who knows spells, especially the Amortentia one, has my interest. If you are Lily, can I be James?
LikeLike
I read this entire thing in Snape’s voice.
LikeLike
As you should have, because he wrote it. Actually he dictated it to me, so I heard it in his voice too.
LikeLiked by 2 people