Everyone needs a break sometimes. Usually on Tuesdays, which is the worst day of the week by far, (don’t believe me? Check this post.) my kids and I usually go swimming. It gives me a chance to rest my deteriorating back, ignore people talking to me(just a quick dive underwater) and allows me to think and recharge. And by think and recharge, I mean think about all the things that make me bitter and recharge people with a metaphorical bolt of lightning.
So yesterday, you didn’t notice, but I took a break from the internet. Actually, while that is true, I actually gave the internet a break from me. Almost every single day, I am assaulting the internet with all kinds of content. Between blog posts almost every other day, answering comments with nonsensical answers, placing completely asinine comments on other peoples blogs, instagram posts of things that I know are funny, but no one else does, spewing out character assassinations in 140 characters or less on Twitter, ignoring all 200 of my fake friends on Facebook, and making YouTube videos at least once a decade, the internet rarely receives more than a 20 minute break from me on any particular day.
But yesterday, comments on other people’s post were constantly being interrupted by these people at my desk at work asking me to do things. Every time I thought of another astutely horrible thing to say on Twitter, an email popped up and kept staying there on my screen demanding that I answer or it wouldn’t leave. Even Instagram was a victim of a ringing phone that just wouldn’t shut up until I answered it. I guess some places demand that you do work in exchange for all this money, medical benefits and 401k matching. The nerve of some jobs to require you to do things.
So, there you have it internet. Not only did I not break you, like Kim Kardashian keeps “threatening” to do, but I gave you a break. While you had to deal with other trolls and people of interest that weren’t really that interesting, I was kind enough to allow you a break from the bitterness for one day. You could have predicted that I was taking a break from you, Internet, because you are so smart (I mean, just Google yourself internet, you know everything according Wikipedia). You probably should have booked yourself on a vacation (there’s that website you have called Expedia and this creepy spokesguy keeps trying to sell you about Trivago). But you blew it, Internet. You were too busy watching YouTube videos with cats, or surfing the web in Hawaii, or trolling it up on all kinds of forums to notice. But now, I’m back and I’m bitter with a vengeance. I will be in your face all the rest of the day.
Yeah, this Trivago guy.
So enjoy your Kit Kat bar moment, because I’m ready to bitter. Or at least until these stupid people quit botherin…Whoops gotta go.
This isn’t over internet. I’ll be Back.
Yeah, what Arnold said.
ARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH
Bitter Broken Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
The internet contacted me. It was looking for you. Like a real friend…I told it to get lost.
It’ll be happy you’re back [as am I]…Everyone needs bitterness every 20 minutes.
LikeLike
Wow, you must be some sort of famous person to be contacted by the internet. Thanks for telling off the internet for me. I’m also glad to be back to bugging it too.
LikeLiked by 1 person
What can I say…. I’m kind of a big deal.
LikeLike
I think the internet is quite aware of that.
LikeLike
It’s good to get a nice does of your bitterness. The world is a slightly better place with your introspective. Always amusing!
LikeLike
Thank goodness, I decided to come back, or the internet wouldn’t know how to be bitter.
LikeLike
My favorite trolls are the ones from the American Superiority Society, ASS for short, talking about how they would have done everything right. Man, they make me bitter.
LikeLike
I know right? Instead of talking about it, they should just do it and prove it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for bringing the bitterness back. Also? Thank you for hating the Trivago guy with me. Seriously… WHAT IS UP WITH HIM?!
LikeLike
I think you were the first to bring the world’s attention to his creepiness. And yes, it was nice of me to bring the bitterness back to the internet. It was just too nice yesterday.
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is perfection. I believe that we are soul twins. And re: work, riiiiiight?! How dare people ask/expect us to do our jobs?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Definitely soul fraternal twins. Yeah, I mean look at the ladies and gentlemen of Dunder Mifflin. Did they ever have to work? And they became famous for being in that documentary. And Micheal Scott, while inappropriate sometimes, never made people do actual work.
LikeLiked by 1 person
YASSSSSSSS
LikeLike
YEEEAAAAHHH
LikeLiked by 1 person
Also why can’t Dunder Mifflin be a real place where we could work? Is that really too much to ask?
LikeLike
Oh man, I would apply to work there like a boss! I would bug Micheal Scott daily to get a job there. And I would just sit in between Dwight and Jim and just laugh ALL. DAY. LONG.
LikeLiked by 1 person
ME. TOO. I think we would make a productive working team. 🙋🏻
LikeLike
Actually we would make a very unproductive team. At work. But we would probably be really good at slacking AT work. Blogging, YouTube, etc.
LikeLiked by 1 person
We’d be the best.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Now if only we could get the overly happy consistently positive people of the internet to follow your lead and lay off the incessant joy for one day, there’d be balance out there in the www. Good start. Thank you.
LikeLike
Yes, I’m thinking there will be a World Wide Bitterness Day. If they can have Earth Day and World Wide Day of Play day, I can start a Bitterness Day.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You will be happy to know that in your absence I was spreading the bitterness for you! By the way, I seem to remember maybe just one asinine comment from you…or was that a bitter impostor?
LikeLike
Thanks for taking up the charge. You did your best, but it just wasn’t enough. That’s why I had to come back to save the internet of being too happy.
LikeLike
I feel as if I’ve failed you. Is there something I can do to make up for that…or was that the intended effect?
LikeLike
Oh yes, you have failed me. It’s just a good thing that I’m back. You know how they say that no one is irreplaceable? Well, they are wrong. When it comes to bitterness on the internet, there is only me.
LikeLike
That is true. All the same, I really thought I would impress you with my failure.
LikeLike
You have become quite a failure these last few years, all because of suggestions I’ve given you. It just goes to show you, that my advice is terrible and should always be headed by you.
LikeLike
Wow, I think I’m honored…
LikeLike
You should definitely think you are honored…
LikeLike
Should I know I am honored?
LikeLike
Well, there won’t be an awards ceremony if that is what you are asking. Maybe I will throw one of my useless blog awards at you though.
LikeLike
Oh, do you mean it?!!
LikeLike
If you really want one. I have so many of those “Dundies” I don’t know what to do with them all.
LikeLike
We all need an internet break once a while to refresh. Then we feel empty without our eyes glued to a glowing screen giving us vision problems and come crawling back. It’s a vicious, bitter cycle.
LikeLike
It makes you feel like you are in a dishwasher, or a dryer. Not that I’ve ever been in one of those.
LikeLike