Hey everyone. Gather around. Pull up your computers, grab some soda, a pizza and some napkins, because we need to have a conference. This nation, neh even this very world is on the verge of a worldwide crisis. Seeing as how Earth day just happened and, whoops I forgot to preserve a tree, I thought I would sit us down for an important matter that needs to be resolved soon, or our kids, our grandkids and even our great grandkids will suffer unimaginably if we don’t do something soon. Everyone, something we all depend on more and more everyday is diminishing. There is a huge demand, and a very dwindling supply. The kids are glued to their screens (phones, tablets, laptops, and those dinosaur things called desktop computers) and because of this, there has been nothing short of a worldwide disastrophy. There is a drought of Gifs.
Actually funny, non overused gifs are dwindling at a massive rate. Bloggers everywhere are stuck reducing, reusing and recycling the same old gifs. We cannot, should not, will not, put up with this anymore. We must let the old gifs age gracefully in the gif nursing facilities, while other new gifs are born, and can develop naturally into the awkward teen stage so they can be showcased. But there are so few new ones being developed every day. Every week, I have need of at least 20 tragic, yet funny for me new gifs and it is becoming increasingly hard to find new ones to breathe life into the gif community. New gifs need your help.
For only the cost of a cup of coffee, the baristas that make it, and the Starbucks store that houses that coffee, and all its employees, per day, you could sponsor a new gif being created. If you send us(me) the $100,000 per month, we will send you the picture of a suffering blogger, sitting on their MacBook Pros, frustrated, raging at the ceiling, because they couldn’t come up with the perfect gif to perfectly portray the 100-300 word post they will send out to the internet, to be avoided. You will see the pain in their eyes, angst in their souls, and then pure, unadulterated meh as they receive the new gif that you sponsored.
We’ll also send you a video of how the short 1-5 second video was made. An HD camera will follow around an HD camera following people around, hoping for unfortunate accidents to happen. It will find natural, wild, raw, and real gifs of people unaware that they are being filmed. It will bring bitterness to all; the film crew for being unpaid, the unsuspecting victims for being filmed and also unpaid, and the blogger, who got the perfect gif, but just a little too late for the perfect post.
Please, there are many out there that are suffering. Please donate now, before the internet and bloggers die…of boredom.
To donate, please send all contributions to me and I will reluctantly take on the responsibility of getting the money to the right place.
ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH
Bitter Shortage Ben
Pingback: 10 Points from Gifendor | Ben's Bitter Blog
I always use giphy.com. They have thousands.
Or you could always learn how to make a gif but that seems like too much work.
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That is definitely a good one. But I think I want to start my own gif company. Film really short videos of people doing stupid stuff, spontaneously.
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Ho hum… if only there were more gifs. Oh look! I’m twiddling my thumbs. No, even that’s not the same… sigh.
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It feels like the world just stopped moving. Without gifs, it just feels like the world is standing still.
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Thank god! For a minute there I thought lost my goat because of all the spinning. You can forget the post I wrote yesterday about that. Welcome back Waldo!!! :O)
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Waldo always seems to be getting lost. But the internet is a big place, so I can see why.
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Your right Ben, roaming the internet is no place for a goat. :O)
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Or for anyone for that matter. You never want to fall into the internet, because you may never find your way out.
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Lost in Space… granted a small space, but space all the same.
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I bet the internet space is way deeper than actual space.
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It may be the final frontier.
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Space sure isn’t.
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I think NASA is finding that out too. Another budget cut.
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I am so glad that you bravely brought this to the table; it’s been the elephant in the room for years now. I totally support your efforts and will do everything I can to further the cause. Except send money. I did that once with a certain porn site that promised freshly explicit material, only to discover that I had already seen everyone on that site, inserting things in the exact same lackluster manner. There wasn’t an original GIF as far as the eye could see. I was devastated, and I quickly developed a psychological aberration that does not allow me to spend money when it comes to GIFs. Other than that, I’m right there with you in your endeavor. Go Ben! #benrawks #GIFRebirthProject #GRP #donate #exceptme
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Well, I’m sure if you spread this throughout the media, there will be all kinds of people that ignore it just like they do me. So I can see the donations rolling in soon.
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Only $100,000?? Why, that’s a steal! 🙂
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It’s for the children of course. They don’t ask for much, when it comes to gifs.
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Ben, I think it’s time to dip into Memes. I know, I know, for a Gif guy this is gonna be hard to do, but there are an shitton of memes out there, just ripe to be plucked for a blog post.
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Memes are definitely something to consider, but they don’t move. I need the gifs!!!!
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Bwahahahaha! Hilarious! Because… yes. This is my life.
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I know. I can never seem to find just the right gif, because people haven’t filmed the right one yet.
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Ben, is there a number we can text to donate money? This is a serious problem that needs to be fixed!
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Yes, text that to 1-800-Bitr-Ben. It will go directly to those that need it most. My blog.
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Shit… I am new to the whole blogging thing. I am supposed to be using gifs? I am so screwed.
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Yeah, I use them to disguise my poor writing, or to fill in on Friday’s when I don’t want to write anything. But if you are a good writer, you don’t need them.
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Well I whether or not I am a decent writer remains to be seen I suppose! I know I can write for academic purposes, I get aces on my papers, but I started my blog so I can write for myself instead of writing only for professors every day!
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I’m the opposite. I remember not being good at, or liking academic writing, but creative writing I love. And thankfully, bloggers (for the most part) are pretty forgiving of the bad grammar/spelling.
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I enjoy both! I am far more careless with my grammar in the blogging world, but I rarely fuck it up in school papers.
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So see, I’m thinking you are a good writer then! You excel in both worlds.
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Why thank you, kind sir!
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Yep, you’re just one more person I have to be jealous of.
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Nooooooo absolutely not! I do not accept jealousy!
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What, no jealousy? I have been a jealous person since I was born? How am I supposed to just stop all of a sudden?
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Flip the switch honey, it is simple!
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I’m just having a little trouble figuring out where the switch is.
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Keep fumbling around, you’ll find it eventually 😉
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That’s what she said!
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*snorts* aaaannnnd I totally set myself up for that one lol
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Yeah, but you know, if you are looking for it, just about anything is a set up for that. So don’t feel too bad about it.
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True!
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The Gif crisis is real. I’ve done my part. I’ve “Liked” your blog. And I’m willing to go the extra mile and if it’s ever mentioned on Facebook I’m going to “Like” that to. Call me an activist, but I can stand idly by when disaster strikes.
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Thanks for “liking” the cause as that is how modern people like to help. But what I really need is money, to uh, you know find and film these things.
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money! Wow, how 20th century of you. I’ll go you one better and send you a picture of a cat (semi-cute) the true currency of the Internet
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Yeah, its gonna take some cold hard cash, to get those images to move. I guess I can sell your funny cat video for some used funny gifs.
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You know that shortage of GIFs is all due to me. Because I despise them so much I have single handedly taken it upon myself to eliminate all GIFs in a dastardly plan so evil, I can not evil reveal it in my comments.
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It’s you! My bitter rival stealing all the gifs! And by bitter rival, you are the nice person stealing all the gifs for nice purposes.
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I take that as a very high compliment…and just for that, I will not be returning your GIFs. I’m too busy watching them to see if that damn baby does anything but spit up over and over again!!
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That is bad for me. Now I won’t be able to use them to distract people from my bad writing!
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