It’s been a Beastie Boy kind of week. I’ve been sabotaged all the way up one side and down the other. My car dashboard kept lighting up on my way to work and of course I did what you always do when you get a light. I ignored it. On Thursday, I finally asked someone to tell me what it meant and they said, “You’re supposed to fill it up with gas.” Why again? I thought cars ran on sunshine and we got a sunny day earlier in the week. Then I got in a fight with a guy named Chuck Norris, and someone told me that Chuck Norris doesn’t die, death Chuck Norrisses. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life. And one more thing, death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience. Let’s just say, I’m a little sore. And by a little sore, I mean two broken shoulders, two broken legs and worst of all, my left pinky got scratched (making this very hard to type). Anyways, next thing you know, people are going to start demanding I do some work to get my well earned no bonus this year.
At least I’m not the only hot mess today.
I mean, Iron Mike Tyson has messed up a lot of things…
…but losing to Little Mac? That must have been hard to take.
And I guess Happy Gilmore’s girlfriend…
…forgot to eat pieces of crap for breakfast.
Best way to stop a good soccer player….
…a new defensive move.
Oh my gosh, this is so gross…
….they left an sliver of onion on his burger.
Wow, cool Honda…
…can I take A CLOSER LOOK??????????
And my golf ball got dirty…
…so I decided to get rid of it. Involuntarily.
I was test driving a car this week at the dealership…
… and needed to figure out if it came with four wheel drive.
Then somehow…
…someone lost the balloons for my surprise party.
Then at the mini golf range…
…they added a few new water hazards.
Then I decided to go for a stroll…
…and ended up going swimming.
Then I couldn’t figure out directions to the lake..
…I mean, someone otter know.
And last night I was in a hurry to go…
…but my headphones weren’t quite ready.
Anyone else get a stupid light going on in their car? Or have to fight a superhuman guy named Chuck? Or forget their headphones were on? Let me know what happened in your hot mess of a week.
ARRRRGGGHHHH
Bitter Hot Mess of Pottage Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
Reblogged this on quirkywritingcorner and commented:
Hysterical!!
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I definitely have experience with hot messes.
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Happy Friday Bitter Ben ☺
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It’s always a bitter Friday around here.
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😂
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I usually forget my headphones 😦 but then I get yanked back to reality…
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Mine usually get yanked when I’m at the library and then I scream and scare the other patrons.
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Hahaha I find that a lot of people sleep at the library, so maybe you’re doing them a favor.
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I usually fall asleep when I’m editing my novel. Maybe that is telling me that it’s kind of boring.
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So you’re saying I’m NOT supposed to ignore the lights in my car? Ugh. Guess I should get that engine checked…
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You are supposed to ignore them. Like I do with this one that keeps popping up in my car.
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otters > onions
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Otters are way better than onions.
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Nope. This week it was “multi-tasking is not an option” week. Had to do every thing soooooo sloooooow.
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I’m more of a monotasker. And that’s when I’m really busy.
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I can multi-task, as long as it’s doing a lot of things, 1 thing at a time during the day. 🙂
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I can multi task when it comes to juggling the remote, the video game controller, the phone, the Nintendo 3DS.
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I’m disappointed I didn’t think of writing this bitter post myself. Signed: Chuck Norris.
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You’re right Chuck, you are jealous. And don’t forget that next time we fight, that I’m going to mop the floor with you sideburns.
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Oooo I’m all a quiver. Just remember Ben, I played Walker Texas Ranger, so I know how to pretend being tough. And I also promoted nautilus equipment looking tough while doing it. So you can see, I know how to text tough too… so there!
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Ooh Chuck, I’m quaking in my boots. Please don’t text me to death. That is almost as dangerous as your roundhouse kicks I keep avoiding.
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The first line of this post (not the first sentence, but the first line)? Yeah, I almost choked on air due to some weird type of snort over that.
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Not sure what line you are talking about then. But hopefully you are alright, because I don’t want you to choke.
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That Mike Tyson’s Punch Out GIF is gold!
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Yep. Seems like Little Mac is a dodge artist.
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I wish he was that fast when I was playing the game
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Yeah, he always seems to glitch when I play him. Either that or I’m just not skilled. I’m pretty sure it’s the glitch though.
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The main reason I listen to my tunes through a wireless bluetooth headset is so I WON’T have headphone chaos. Other than being extremely busy with two (count ’em) meetings of the new team at work, and my regular work on top of that – my week hasn’t been all that bad I guess. But I’m not bitter.
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You should be bitter. I can’t stand meetings. They waste all kinds of time and rarely accomplish anything, let alone the purpose you went there for.
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I did have this guy named Ben making a nuisance of himself via the whole blogging thing. I don’t know why he doesn’t keep his thoughts to himself and let me enjoy my otherwise perfect week. Now he’s trying to say he got beat up by Chuck Norris but we all know it was a 7 year old on the playground when he was trying to steal their candy. What’s a grifture anyway??
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Yeah, so his name was Charles and no, he wasn’t 7, he was 8. And in my defense, it was a Snicker’s Full Size candy bar. And maybe he wasn’t Chuck Norris, but he had a mean roundhouse kick just like Chuck Norris.
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Yep, I heard he got you right in the shin.
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And man has my shin throbbed ever since.
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I’ve no doubt.
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That kid has quite a kick.
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So all you have to do it check the dash light in your car and you’ll be safe from everything else that might happen? Dominos do have a way of falling once they start, don’t they.
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Yep, even saves you from Asteroid’s hitting your car.
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Here’s what I learned this week: when women say they like creative men, what they actually mean is that they like men who are able to find matching socks.
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That is a bitter disappointment, because can anyone really find a matching sock?
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I’m sure women would be disappointed if we couldn’t disappoint them.
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Right. They would have nothing to be disappointed about.
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