Let’s make like a tree and get out of here. Speaking of trees and getting out of here, did you know I’m neighbors with this guy named Biff Tannen? He was telling me about the McFly family and how they have some weird old Deloreon car from the 80’s, that has a blender that always has smoke coming out of it. He’s always throwing banana peels and stuff in too. I saw Biff going to the old pawn shop the other day and he was trying to buy this ancient Sport Almanac that had all the scores of all the sports games from 1950-2000. Whatever floats his boat. Anyways, he told me he wanted to to go down to Lou’s Cafe so he could see his grandson make fun of this kid Marty McFly junior. I was like, I’m busy, and he’s like “The future is going to change,” and I’m like whatever, crazy old Biff Tannen. Anyways, I think I see something going on over at the McFly’s house so I’m going to blow this pop stand.
Other people that are going to blow this pop stand today:
When you first get up…
…make sure you get a running start.
Let everyone see…
…how excited you are to be at work.
And when the meeting starts…
…let your enthusiasm be shown.
When asked to go on a trip…
…tell them you will do it in the fall.
When asked to do something in the meeting…
…make sure you talk in a circle.
Or pretend…
…to flip out.
And then when they really need you..
…have a late afternoon crash.
At precisely 3:30 pm…
…tell them it’s time to bounce.
When you go to work out…
…make sure to do at least one leg day.
While at the gym…
…give a bitter tap to your favorite arch rival.
On your drive home…
…make sure to maintain control.
And when you get home…
…have a small snack before dinner.
And after you eat, make sure you start a pop stand. So you can blow it up.
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHH
Bitter Pop Stand Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
That cat running up the slide just made my day.
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I also like seeing cats suffer.
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Let it blow, let it blow.
Can’t hold it back any moooore!
🙂
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You are so Frozen hearted! It’s a good thing they had that song in the movie or it would have just been another average Disney movie.
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Disney doesn’t do “average” they do magical with a side of total BS… but that’s why we love it! 🙂
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Yep, the sprinkle in a lot of fairy dust, so we don’t see all the deception behind the curtain. It works for most, but I see right through them.
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Those are called beer goggles right? Hahaha
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Yeah, I guess that is about the same thing. But with more glitter.
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I like glitter 🙂
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A girl can’t live without her glitter.
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Agreed. 🙂
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Just have to mention that my dad was one of the few suckers who owned a Delorean in the 80’s. One of the doors (wings) fell off…in Houston…in the middle of traffic. When a midlife crisis goes awry: Delorean. 🙂
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So tell me this. Has your dad been to 2020, because I’m wondering if I’m working for Nintendo or Microsoft or writing for the Onion.com? Can you tell him next time he goes to just check it out for me?
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Ha ha! Will do.
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Oh and make sure he gets his flux capacitor looked at every once in a while.
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Every 3,000 gigawatts right?
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Close. Actually it’s get your banana peels changed every 3000 miles, and get your battery charged 1.21 jigawatts every month.
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That’s way too much maintenance! I think I’ll just make banana pudding and use the hover board instead.
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I’ll take a piece of banana bread if you have leftover bananas.
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Sure thing. I’ll wrap it in bacon topped pizza and address it “In care of Bitter Ben”.
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That sounds awesome. Bacon wrapped pizza.
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OMG…u r awesome!
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Those were some funny gifs. I’m afraid I didn’t film any of them, so I can’t take credit.
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The guy disappearing into the ceiling to become a ceiling fan was the true star of that group.
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He is kind of the alpha dog in the office. And he’s an undercover ninja. I’m kind of a fan.
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I see what you did there
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You’d be surprised how few people would “see what I did there.” The pun is a lost art, or at least one that people keep trying to get rid or despite my clinging to it quite desperately.
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I love puns! But, I hate when people say they’re so “punny.”
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When I was in college, my friends and I would go to girls houses and knock on their doors and just start spouting off puns that related to anything in their houses. So sadly, I’ve had a little too much practice. Yeah, puns are cheesy, but not near as cheesy as “punny”. And another word I can’t stand is “co-ed”. Can’t we just call them girls?
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Haha I haven’t heard that one before!!
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If you get any faxes while at the McFly’s house, make sure to tell them we do things by email these days. Or text.
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Well, the McFly’s kind of live on the sketchy part of town. You know, they actually wear two ties to work. Weirdos. Don’t they know that it’s business casual these days?
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I bet that guy who did that back-flip won’t pop up anytime soon. And I just can’t believe you fired Marissa. But thank goodness you rehired her (its Friday, and no one should get fired on a Friday) so that you could fire her on a whim on Monday. I think.
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I actually told Marissa that she could never quit because I don’t pay her any money and I can always use someone to get me a bagel.
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Right on it boss!
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You can work for Bitter Entertainment Network too if you want as long as you are willing to work long hours for no money.
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Where else can someone find opportunities this cushy. :O)
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Not many. I guess the government allows you to work for practically free and can make you bitter, but not near as bitter as BEN.
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I want that on my uniform. That I work for Bitter Ben.
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Feel free to put that on your uniform. Just know that you will have to pay for the uniforms. And if you could get me and Marissa uniforms too, that would be great.
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I like the idea that I’m making an investment in Bitter Ben Inc.
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It will pay off in the end. It will be a great investment in a company that is going nowhere.
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That’s the kind of company I want to keep.
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Be ready for some bitterly short meetings where nothing will be accomplished and nothing will be communicated.
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Oh… power lunches!
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That was a trick. I don’t do meetings.
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Well that’s okay I sleep in. But could I at least have the key to the executive washroom?
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Yep. It’s the outhouse in the back.
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Yep, the future is going to change.
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Thanks for that astute observation. Or was it mine?
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I followed your advice…and got fired.
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Finally my advice paid off. Or did you want to keep that job…BTW, stay tuned, because the gardentool blog might have a new post. I’m going to tell you it will be posted tomorrow, so hopefully you will check all day and be disappointed.
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Yes, well I was a bit disappointed I got fired but I remembered that I work for you now so I didn’t feel that bad but then I remembered you don’t pay me so I started feeling bad again.
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But are you working for someone else too? Because that sounds an awful lot like betrayal. Even if I did fire you. Wait when did I fire you?
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No I thought I was fired from my other job and now I’m just working for you but now I’m getting really confused…
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As am I. So you are never able to quit your job at BEN, only get fired when I feel a whim. You may not get paid, but you will always have a job at BEN.
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I feel so honored!
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You know me. Always allowing people to work for free for me.
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From a canine POV I don’t know what one word caption works best–
Futility? Stupidity? Oh, I Know … HUMANITY!
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Humans are weird. Always in a rush to get to work on time when we don’t really even like it. You guys have the right idea. Napping is key.
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