A Bitter A noun cement for Bacon

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A little while ago, a Super group similar to the Avengers or the Justice League formed, called the Funny Blog Friday group, with the purpose of making Friday Funny.  I was asked to join that group, because all groups need a bitter member. Every Justice League needs their Aquaman(you know the one whose superpower is to like, swim really fast) and they knew I was the best at being bitter.  Then one of group, Jessie Reyna, has been working on a project at school where she analyzes how differently people write about one similar theme.  It’s all very scientific and way beyond my scope of understanding.  Anyways, she asked if we would all write about a noun, in a project she decided to call, Turn Noun For What?!  Since I didn’t major in English when I was in college, I had to turn to Google to remember what a noun was.  Anyways, she pulled different nouns out of a hat, and Bacon became the subject to write about so, here is my take.

Bacon is all the rage these days according to the internet, and besides pizza, ranks as the top food that everyone would choose if there were no consequences.  Let me tell you, that salad and kale are running a dead last in the dream food to eat category.  I do love bacon. Last night I had it on Spaghetti Carbonara and I definitely insist that it be on any burger I eat.  But the first thing I think when it comes to bacon is another group I am part of.  A writer’s group.

As is every other blogger on the planet, I am an aspiring writer.  I have a huge epic novel in the works, the likes of which, if it ever gets finished, will blow people away and even more when it becomes a movie. You know how they say the book is always better than the movie? In my case, the movie will definitely be better, but I won’t care, because that will just drive books sales, and you can call me the biggest hack in the world for all I care, because money.  You know who is standing in my way of becoming the most successful bad novelist who’s movie’s were way more successful (stealing the title from Stephanie Meyers and The 50 Grey Lamp Shades lady)? My writers group.

My writer’s group came up with the name of Bacon, because the letters of our first name, is BK & N.  And every other week, they cook up all my bad sentences, fry all my grammar and spelling and take all my boring dialogue and try to make it sizzle.  It’s because they are jealous of my grand idea and minimal writing skills that will soon be talked about in harsh, criticized tones. Can you just see the critics someday, lambasting(with some lettuce and cheese) my writing, causing Rotten Tomatoes(to be put on a bun) to shut down from the weight of the plague of baditude my novel into a movie is? Can you see how it will be final straw(in the drink that they are eating with the Bacon Burger) that breaks the pens and typewriters of the critical community? Two little people, my writer’s group, BKN stand in the way of this happening.  They don’t understand that my first draft is meant to be the last.  No corrections, no changes, just let the story of nonsense happen.  Quit being so responsible and let the novel have lots of cheese.

Here he is looking very bitter.

Bitter Bacon Ben insists you just let the novel out there, grease and all. 

 

So while bacon is probably the number 2 sought after food to eat behind pizza, it is the number one reason why the world has been deprived of my epically awesome, yet terribly written novel and future really good movie.

ARRRRRGGGHHHH

Bitter Turn Noun For What Ben

 

Check out the other Turn Noun for What?! participants takes on Bacon.

Jessie of Jessie Reyna

Alanna of White Girls Be Like…

Jamie of Fits of Wit

Gina of Endearingly Wacko

 

 

 

 

64 thoughts on “A Bitter A noun cement for Bacon”

    • I also do cranky on occasion. By occasion I mean 99% of the time. I can think about something bitter for just about everything. Like for instance my favorite basketball team won the NBA championship and I was on there the next day talking about how they hadn’t won every season I had been following them.

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  7. Haha you’re awesome! If bacon is prohibiting me from reading your novel, then I say we do away with it altogether! Let pizza reign over all men…and women! I hate kale by the way. Sounds like the name of a ten year old with self-esteem issues. Gross. Anyhow, I totally want to write a book that gets turned into a movie. It will all be about me of course. Me portraying me in the movie also, because I just have superstar good looks. Anyhow…fuck bacon. I’m done with it. Except for when I order a cheeseburger. Exceptions will be made.

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  8. Mmm, bacon! Bacon good! I visited Gina and Alanna’s blogs but sadly, our office scan alert thingy blocked Jessie’s and Jamie’s. I’m sure their posts were just as amazing but I couldn’t see them. Sigh. 😕

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  9. I think Gwyneth Paltrow would argue that salad and kale bit during her food stamp experiment! I love a good writers group. You have a small section of people who crush your dreams, and another small section who blow smoke up your ass. It’s a nice balance!

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