For those of you that didn’t figure out that my post on Wednesday, April 1st, April Fool’s Day, and actually started following my gardening blog, thanks a whole lot. You just made that gardening blog more popular in ONE day, than this bitter blog was in 6 months. That’s right. It took the Bitter Blog six months to get 5 followers. That’s the kind of joke this blog was at the beginning. A complete flop. For those of you that did figure it out, well congratulations, you get a cookie. Except you don’t get one because I don’t have any and I’m sure as heck not going to send one to each of you that figured it out. The rest of this week was a flop too. I didn’t become a permanent extra on Community, nor did I even get nominated for the Laziness Awards. With my bad luck this week, I might not even get nominated for the Bitter Awards. Let’s take a look at more reasons why this week was a flop.
This week flopped so hard..
…it felt just like a kick to the head.
All the big expectations for gaming and lazing…
…just kind of fell through.
All the big ideas…
…just kind of got off track.
All the bitterly good jokes…
..kind of fell flat.
All the momentum gained…
…kind of moon walked backwards.
I felt like there was just too much debate…
…on the toilet paper. Over or under?
Every single day, it just seemed like I needed to go home…
…and just crash.
Though I do think I solved the dilemma…
…of whether I should start a fight club for old men. Yes, definitely yes..
For some reason…
…traffic felt like an eternal ring of hell.
It seemed like I could never…
…see what was coming.
Seemed like every day…
…was an uphill battle.
And just like that…
…the end of the week was like a big ball to the face.
I just can’t wait to see what the weekend will bring. More flops, flip outs and failures. And just when you think this week couldn’t get any worse, you get to experience next week, the week in which I celebrate the anniversary of me being born. I like to celebrate every year of me getting older, by being even more bitter about things. See 40 reasons to be bitter, followed by last years 41 reasons to be bitter from last year. Can you guess how many reason I will have to be Bitter this year? If so, you get a cookie and maybe some bittermilk to go with it.
ARRRRGGGGHHHHH
Bitter Flopped Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
#12… basically every day of my life the past couple weeks, except it’s a big ball of cheese rolled in doughnut crumbs… and I can’t eat any of it.
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What happening? Are you going gluten free? That sounds like a miserable way to be a food critic.
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Thank you for calling me a food critic. I like to think of myself more as a human critic. No, I am not, nor will I ever be, a glutard. Thank God. Now pass the rice crackers…
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You’re majoring in human criticism, with a minor in food criticism. I would be really sad if you were a glutard. Pass the gluten rich pizza.
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Six months? Wow.
Well, at least now I feel better how how my blog needed five and two-thirds months to get its first five followers. Er. Not to gloat.
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I’m so jealous of your rapid growth. I bow down to your popularity.
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oatmeal and raisin/one cookie is for children/i’d like a dozen
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I’ll eat all the oatmeal you can put in a cookie, but if you include raisin, don’t expect me to eat that.
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i feel like june cleaver..she had to make them 4 ways..beaver didn’t like raisins,wally -no nuts,ward -neither & june likes all..but i can make your half 1st, easily, even though you are supposed to make them
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You are June cleaver, except in February when it is too cold.
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yes & especially june
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So does this mean we can’t come to you for gardening tips? If not, well there goes our weekend. Some friend you are.
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I’m just as good of a friend to you as I am to everyone. Not good at all. And no, I don’t have any gardening tips for anyone. But it sounds like you might know a thing or two about growing potatoes. Perhaps you could do a guest post.
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At least your consistent about your friends. Consistency is key. My parents told me that potatoes grow when a mommy and daddy potato give each other a long special hug.
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And their eyes intermingle?
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Haha I can’t stop laughing about the gardening blog! Nice post, Ben 🙂
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That was a fun one to come up with. I try to do an April Fool’s one every year, and it just came to me as I was writing. What’s funny is that a few actually want me continue with the gardening blog. I….don’t think so.
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Bitter chocolate bunnies to you Ben. :O)
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And bitter Easter grass in your Easter baskets.
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We were supposed to game. 😦
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I know. So bitter that it didn’t happen.
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57!
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57 Reasons or are you talking about that guy speeding up the wall?
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57 Reasons. Then again, I was never good in math.
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I’ve always been terrible at math too. I think I’ll just wait until 57 to do that many.
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Probably for the best. 😉
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Yeah, good thing.
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Shoot. Am I supposed to have more than 5 followers right now?
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I’m sure you have at least 6. If you don’t I can get my new Garden blog to follow you to boost your stats.
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Are you growing butter beans, or bitter beans, over there on your new gardening blog? 😉
Hell, I still don’t have 5 followers and I’ve been doing this almost 4 years!
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Well, perhaps you need to start a gardening blog and talk about how boring it is and all of a sudden, 5 followers. Definitely bitter beans.
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May your Easter be filled with bitterness!
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It will be. The Easter Bunny puts some of that in my basket every year.
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I love your self deprecating humor. The train video is hilarious!
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Yep. I’ve you’re ever around you will get a healthy dose of the self-deprecating humor and also a nice spoonful of bitter too.
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I too loved the train video. For a second I got worried about that guy.
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Trains are the worst pickpockets. If you even get close to them, they will steal anything that isn’t nailed down.
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And that backpack wasn’t nailed down. 😀
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The sad thing is that he didn’t even take anything, just destroyed all of it.
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Reduced to riding the rails, literally.
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Maybe the bag will become a hobo and connect itself to a stick.
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That would be something to see.
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The journey of a bag stolen by a subway train. The next Lifetime movie.
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I could see that.
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I’d suggest you join the Devoutly Warped but anyone that bitter, we’d just heap abuse and scorn upon. It’d get just nasty and with the delicate state of your psyche, you just don’t need that!
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What is the Devoutly Warped and how do I sign up? I’m used to being abused and scorned. I have kids.
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I’m sorry. I did NOT follow your gardening blog. But I did enjoy the snippets here if that will make you feel any worse!
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I’m totally okay with you not following my gardening blog. It was just there for April Fools use, and to see how many people actually follow it.
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Well, you didn’t have me going on the gardening blog for even one second!
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How did I know I wouldn’t fool you? Because you see right through the bitter view around here.
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Way too cynical for you…that’s right!! Uh-huh!! Give me 5!! Get down with your bad self!!
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Maybe you should have one of my hockey puck cookies and some bittermilk. That will help you feel good about your accomplishment.
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Now, now!
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Sorry, I meant to offend much better.
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