Micro dream bitterness

/ bensbitterblog
How most of my dreams end.

Why I forget most of my dreams.

You know when you are nodding off at work because you stayed up all night doing an important paper for school or taking care of a sick child or getting a phone call from a friend who was in the hospital and you visited them to make sure they were alright? Yeah, me either.  If I’m up late it’s for video games or a repeat of The Office that I’ve already seen 36 times, and I’m still holding my breath hoping that Angela and Andy are going to get together.  Just kidding, I already know they end up together.

When I do fall asleep at work it usually isn’t for too long.  In fact, most of the time, I’m hyper-vigilant in my noddings so that they only last maybe four or five seconds so I don’t get caught.  Though when you add up all the times I have 4 or 5 second dreams, it usually adds up to abouuuut 8 hours.  Does anyone else have what I call  microdreams? For some reason, I can fall asleep for 4 seconds and have a full fledged dream, usually cooler than the ones I have while sleeping in a bed or on a couch.  It’s the weirdest thing, but it is real.  All I know is that in these microdreams, I get the answers to all the questions of every quiz and test I’ve ever taken and failed at, the blueprints for 40 new inventions, and the key to understanding women.

There is always the bitter side which is, of course, that I can’t remember them 2 seconds after they happen.  If I had a recording tool of some sort, like maybe a pen that wrote down those dreams, or a recording device that went into my brain (in fact, I had a microdream about something that would do that very thing)  then I would be a straight up, full on, Scrouge McDuck billionaire, except for bitter and not a duck. I would be raining haypennies down on the general public for no other reason, except that I could. You would all be scrambling to follow me not only on this blog, but on the sidewalks, desperately hoping to catch a spare haypenny or two.  I would probably stop on a dime, though, so I could pick it up and make you all jealous that you didn’t have one, because you only have haypennies. I would have a vault full of 100’s made into fluffy pillows that I would sleep on.  I would also make remote controls, couches and televisions out of my Benjamin’s and take pictures for all of Instagram to see.

Get ready for a rainstorm of these bad boys.

Get ready for a rainstorm of these bad boys.

But I digress.  You could probably be an almost billionaire like me too, if you had microdreams, but you are all too busy getting 8 hours of sleep at night, and dieting correctly and staying home from work when you don’t get enough sleep. Because of that, you are stuck in your sane lives, having good relationships, enjoying your regular good paying jobs and not having to visit a psychiatrist every Tuesday at 7:00 pm.

Since you are mentally stable, you probably have big dreams like retiring to a ranch or starting your own business.  But I dream much smaller than that.  I have micro dreams that I want to fail miserably at. (Little things that will make your life like you know, 1 times better). Things like:

Someday I hope to be able to spell rhrythm without spell check or Guugle.

I hope to figure out the correct amount in my head on how much to stiff someone on a tip.

I hope to someday figure out how to get trees to stop littering leaves all over my lawn.

I want to figure out how Microsoft has figured out how to make such great products, like Zune, Bing, and Internet Explorer.  Though they do have missteps every once in a while like Windows and Microsoft Office (remember those relics?)

I want to know the reason why people prefer toilet paper rolls to go under instead of over.

I dream of someday figuring out why there are so many rainbows with no pot of gold at the end.

I want to know why Hawaii hasn’t invited my to be its ambassador of laziness.

I'm ready for a nap.

I’m ready for a nap.

Microdreams really do come true.  If you hope and believe and try hard enough, they will all come true.  Actually, none of mine have come true, so if I’m to believed, none of them will come true, but if you dream hard enough, you will get lots of sleep.  But unfortunately, microdreams only give you 4 seconds of sleep which isn’t near enough.  Even if you do it all day long.

ARRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Sorry just nodded off for 4 seconds again.  What were we talking about?

Bitter Asleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep Ben

 

43 thoughts on “Micro dream bitterness”

  1. OMG OMG OMG! I, too have micro dreams! probably about 20 a day – even if i get a full night’s sleep, which is not really common. I close my eyes – blink really – and I’m totally zapped away to somewhere else. It is sooo cool, except when I do it when I’m stopped at intersection lights and the person in the car behind me starts honking his horn. I thought I was the only one! I repeat. That is so cool. ALSO, I am a musician and I write the rhythm a lot – I can never remember how to spell and type it in google search in a sentence to see if I’m right and I rarely am. I do that at least 3 times a week. My brain just cannot retain it. – AND – I am an over the top of the toilet roll kind of person. Who would want it any other way? If it is under the roll, when you try to rip it off, the whole roll starts spinning and you have to roll it back up! As for commercials – I threw my TV away about 20 years ago because it kept breaking my concentration.

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    • Micro dreams are not only the coolest to have but the most frustrating. If I had any ability to remember things this world would truly be so much different. I’m always getting answers to questions or ideas for a great book or solution to some world hunger, but they are just so short. They say your life flashes before your eyes when you die. I think it flashes before you when you are having micro dreams.

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    • I know exactly what you are talking about. I always get my best stuff during March and that is the busiest time at work. It is maddening. Usually during the summer when business is slower, nothing. I guess it is my brain doing it’s best to keep my down.

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  6. Okay, a couple things.

    I’ve thought about ‘dream recorders’ before. I’m waiting for those to happen. It would be insane.

    Also, the pot of gold at the end of rainbows thing? I have a story about that.

    One time, when Husband and I still lived in Georgia, we were driving from Kentucky back to there. My favorite part of the drive was through the mountains in Tennessee. I sh** you not, one day there was the end of a rainbow right beside the road. I about flipped out, just because it was so insane. But anyway, so many people were stopped by the side of the road. I’m PRETTY sure they were trying to find a pot of gold……….
    >.>

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    • I hope someone invents one of those dream recorders, but I assume that if they did, someone would for very nefarious purposes, find a way to exploit it for very bad reasons. Like ad companies trying to implant their ads into our brains while sleeping? Can you even imagine?
      I can’t even imagine what seeing the end of a rainbow would look like. So did people start digging to see if there was treasure underground?

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  9. HAHaaaa!!! I would really like to be able to spell rytheme without using Gugle, or spell cheek, too. I have definitely had “micro-dreams” I wish I could remember. In other versions of micro-dreams, I aspire to be able to use a semi-colon appropriately, and fully understand exactly what a comma splice is…and furthermore, why a comma splice is important.

    I’m pretty sure the answers to these micro-dreams have shown up in the other, 4 second, kind of micro-dreams, but I remember 😛

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    • All I know is that I owe all my bitterness and ignorance to not being able to remember these dreams. I haven’t heard that word comma splice since I was in high school. Apparently I either do them all the time and don’t know it, or I don’t use them at all so no one has to tell me about them. All I know is nothing good can come out of splicing.

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  10. YESSSSSS…. I LOVE micro dreams. I can only remember the very beginnings of them, but when I wake up 5 seconds later, I’m all like, “Wait… was I just dreaming about tap-dancing with David Letterman while wearing a hula skirt? Because that was AWESOME…” And then I have to go back to my regularly scheduled life, which is a lot less interesting.

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  11. My lack of sleep doesn’t come from watching TV, or finishing a project. That would be better. Mine comes from agonizing heartburn that I’ve never quite been able to get over. Thanks a lot body. I’m trying to give you rest, but noooooo!!

    Oh, and I prefer the toilet paper roll to go over. Just my four half-pennies.

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    • Heartburn is just one of my favorite things that keep me awake. There is nothing that compares to the feeling that you are having a heart attack and want to throw up at the same time that makes you wanna stay up more.
      Thanks for you 4 half-pennies. There needs to be a few more opinions like that around here.

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  12. Snorts. I dream small. I’m always dreaming of my next meal. If Houdini will jump the purr thing here first or will the purr things jump Houdini first. If dad will remember it’s almost 5pm and do the run-around-the-house-cleaning spill before she gets home and he gets caught doing nothing all day but playing Angry Birds. Snorts. See, small treasures from an oinker. Happy nodding my friend. XOXO – Bacon

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    • My interpretation of your dream is that you are trying to get rid of a bitter presence in your life, but somehow he ….or she just keeps popping in your life over and over again. He posts like three blogs a week that just annoy you, but they are like a traffic accident where you just can’t stop laughing at the people that got in a wreck.

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