Yesterday, I was outside because some kid wanted to play baseball in the backyard. Because I was a master of bitter hitting, where I would either hit it straight into someone else’s glove or I would completely whiff in embarrassing fashion, he thought I might be able to teach him something. Baseball there is not a subtle sport. Sometimes, if you are really lucky you might see someone hit a foul ball, or bunt. Every once in a while someone might even get a base hit. It’s all really exciting, and so random. You just never know if you might be awakened from a nap, if someone hits a really long fly ball. The difference between someone who makes a million dollars and someone who makes a quarter of a billion is about .03 percent batting average. I should have been a baseball player, because do you know how little you have to do? Ugggh.
It’s as easy as doing…
…a high five.
Other times it is as hard…
…as letting go.
There are pressures though…
…like learning complicated hand shakes.
Then there is the subtle art of…
…not striking out. In swinging, and in high fiving.
It is always important to stretch…
…but not to overstretch.
When you stride up to the plate…
…make sure you bring all your swagger.
When swinging the bat…
…don’t get gun shy.
Make sure you are simpatico…
…with your teammates.
You’ll find that when you do…
…there will still be slip ups.
There might also be some slip ups…
…on the hand signals….
And some might be a little too eager…
…to get started….
But if you work hard enough…
…you will get a chance to screw even this up.
I know you are tired of hearing about this, but this my third to last chance to appeal to all those people that didn’t hear it the first 70 times. Or the people that are too lazy to go visit a website. Not only do I not care that you are tired of hearing about it, but I have reason to believe that you need to go do it right now. The NSA and I have been watching where you go on the web and quite frankly, let’s just say…you should go quickly to the website below and vote for me, or…your mom is going to find out where you go, and she’s not gonna like it. So…do we have a deal? Yeah, I think we do have an understanding.
Soo…
Make me your second place! (or first loser)
Remember to visit the Weblog Award Page and help me meet my goal of second place finish in the 2015 Weblog of the Year. Voting ends this Sunday, March 22nd at 10 pm EST so if you know what is good for you, you will vote for me. REMEMBER, A VOTE FOR ME, IS A VOTE FOR YOU GETTING YOUR PRIVACY.
ARRRRGGGGGHHHH
Bitter Swinging Fences Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
Bwahahaha! Okay, this is awesome. And the Gif of the guy who doesn’t know when to let go? I BWAHAHAHAed OUT LOUD in the coffee shop and everyone stopped and stared. But that was funny… and so hopelessly awkward. Like, “What the hell?! JUST LET GO!”
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I think they needed to listen to Anna and just let it go. And by it, I mean the guys hand.
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I try to avoid slipping on stage by not doing karaoke. Anyone who might listen to me is grateful, because I sing karaoke by picking one note, that might or might not be in the song, and sticking to that.
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Karaoke is something that I’ve never tried in public, and my voice might be the reason. Even my shower cringes when I sing in it.
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I have swagger pain.
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That happens a lot around here.
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So, wait a minute…a kid came over to you to ask you to teach him a thing or two about baseball? I am now picturing this kid coming on to the field with his glove and his bat and proceeding to lie down and take a nap in the middle of the field.
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This kid has his mother’s get up and go. There was nothing I could do to make him lazier.
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Do you feel you have failed?
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I fail on a daily basis. My kids, my job, my blog. You should see the disastrophy my desk is right now.
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Good for you! Enjoy the failure!
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You have no idea how good I’m getting at it. It truly is an art.
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