You know how when you hear a terrible song, and you just can’t seem to get it out of your head? Or a jingle from a stupid local car commercial and you want to punch the commercial in the face? You know that three year old kid you see in the store that just won’t stop being annoying, listen to his mom or dad, or sit still in their cart? Well, my blog is now that annoying three year old. On March 8, 2012 this blog was born and it came crying, screaming and ignored into the world.
Even on its infant first day, this blog was trying to annoy. Three years later it is still that annoying terrible, yet catchy song in your head that you just want to leave your brain. It is still the local jingle that you want to punch in the blogs face. Today is its three year old anniversary, and it is still just as immature, self-centered and irritating. It screams and whines just like a three year old. To paraphrase what that weird guy Mcbeth Shakespeare guy said once, this blog is told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, but ultimately signifying nothing.
On this day where most of us in the US have to set our clock forward, and lose an hour that we will never get back, I have written this blog post, which will probably take you an hour to read and one hour you will never get back, we look back on a blog which whines about stuff that signifies nothing.
To celebrate, you should go out and do something productive like eat a pizza, sit on a couch, don’t open your eyes, go out and don’t make a change in the world. Be the same that you always didn’t want to be. Follow your lazy bones. Use this day to reflect on how you will do nothing better in the next year. Use this day as an anti-resolution day. Don’t have cake, don’t move forward, don’t invite your loved ones over to celebrate, don’t send them a Facebook congrats, celebratory text, or call. Signify nothing. Be a terrible song that can’t get out of your friends heads. Act like a three year old.
WWWWWWAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH
Bitter 3 year old Blog Ben
Congrats. Still annoyingly funny.
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Congrats on being a 3 year old brat, yep. I’m really sorry for making you laugh.
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Yay!! Did the confetti rain down? The better question here is… Was there Pizza? 😀
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There was pizza confetti. It was quite the sight. You should have been there.
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Hehe, I was at my graduation! No pizza, but heck yes there was confetti!
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Well congratulations on your graduation. I hope there was some pizza celebrations!
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Thank you much! 😀
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So what are you graduating in? Ninjaing?
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Awesomeness. 🙂
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Oh well, that major will take you anywhere you want then. So does your resume just say “Majored in Awesomeness!” and they pretty much offer you whatever you want whereever you go?
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Pretty much. 😉
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You will never have to worry about how awesome your job will be…
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A happy (belated) bitter 3rd anniversary Ben, I decided to celebrate it by being anti-happy…all week! That’ll show the world.
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It was a chance for all of you to celebrate by being anti-productive. Why didn’t more people take advantage?
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Lack of bitter conditioning?
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Yeah, I just had to turn on my bitter fan.
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Good to air things out occasionally.
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Yep, it was a breeze.
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I LOVE THE TAGS HAHA
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Which ones? Are you talking about the pictures?
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With 3 minutes left (I’m on Central time) I manage to say HAPPY BITTERDAY BEN!
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It was definitely a bitter day. I only got to play video games for like 26 minutes and that was not near enough.
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Shakespeare was so ahead of his time!
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Shakespeare was an okay writer. Too bad he kept killing all his characters off.
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Yeah, how did he do that? I’m writing a murder mystery. One character was already dead when I started, but I feel there should be another murder. Only I keep thinking “Oh, I can’t kill him; his mother would be so upset,” and “I can’t kill her, look how much she loves her husband.” Sorry to butt into somebody else’s comment string.
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A murder mystery? That sounds like a killer book. If you are gonna be a murder mystery writer, you will need to get a little more bitter against your characters so you can kill them off.
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You’re right. I’m going to work on that. I think I’ll make my next book a real blood bath and base all the characters on people I know.
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Can you please base one of them on me and have me brutally murdered? That would be an honor.
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I’ll put you on the list.
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So do I have to wait outside in a line to get it into it?
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Not to be in the book, just when I have a fabulous release party. But I’ll get you a VIP pass. Oh yeah, first I have to write the book.
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Oh so I can’t be in the book, but I can be in the VIP party? You know I don’t like parties and like being in books right? So you are wanting me to be bitter huh? Thanks!
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No, you big silly, I mean you don’t have to stand in line to be in the book. I suppose it makes you bitter to be called silly.
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Yes, so I can be murdered without standing in line? Sounds pretty awesome.
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Maybe I’ll put in a few scenes where I make other characters stand in line before getting murdered…
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Feel free put a bitter guy in line.
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Aw, get over yourself. It didn’t take me an hour to read this and you aren’t annoying anyone. I suppose it will increase your bitterness if I tell you that I and others enjoy your blog. Actually, I just scrolled up and looked up at the number of followers you have and now I am bitter. Obviously LOTS of people enjoy your blog! Damn! Maybe I should stop trying to be so damn fun.
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No, I will never get over myself. I have a lot of things to complain about, so I don’t have time to get over it. No people aren’t allowed to enjoy it. They are supposed to be bitter! Stop trying to be so fun!
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Well, the subtitle of my blog is “My totally fun blog,” so sorry if it makes you bitter. I did not really expect you to get over yourself. I was just only kidding. I only say that seriously behind people’s backs.
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So does that mean you have another bitter or boring blog somewhere? That’s what it sounds like to me.
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Not another blog, but in real life I am full of sarcastic, bitter fun.
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In real life you are a sarcastic bitterwoman? It’s a relief that there are others out there like me.
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Three year olds are not bitter, Just 3 not far from terrible twos! Have a grandson there!
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I had some 3 year old that were pretty bitter. They always wanted food and a warm bed to sleep in. Some kids, I tell you are so high maintenance.
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Pizza and cake?! Nom nom. Happy miserable bitter 3 year old whining birthday, Bitter Ben
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It was a whiny day for sure. The blog didn’t do much though.
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Well maybe the blog needs to get a job and start earning it’s keep..
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Yeah, just like my 7 and 10 year old, my blog needs to get a job.
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Exactly
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All he needs is to get a college education and he can become a full fledged website like google that makes tons of money.
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He’s old enough to start..
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According to child labor laws, you bitter believe it.
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He could do a paper route and use the money to start college early therefore he’ll be done early and be able to get rich quicker and support you guys, so that your couch can continue it’s relationship with your ass..
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If my blog does get a paper route, it will have to team up with a printer to print all the papers.
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That shouldn’t be a problem
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Good, because I’m causing problems all the time.
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Behave your bitter self…
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When have I ever done that?
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You’ve got a point..
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When have I ever made a good point?
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Well being bitter is a good point..
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I’m still trying out how to make a point with all my bitter.
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You’re doing it. Don’t think too hard it could hurt..
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It always hurts. Clearly I’m thinking way too much.
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Yes if you think less, and rest on the couch more, and make sure you’re waited on hand and foot, then you won’t be in any more pain..
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That’s what I keep telling people to do for me, but apparently no one is listening.
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Well that sucks. Maybe you should start yelling…
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Yelling hurts my vocal cords.
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Tape yelling or get someone to do it for you.
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Sounds like a good solution.
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But?
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I need to find someone with the skill of recording.
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Me!
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Oh you do recording? Nice, now you come down to Seattle, no expenses paid and record me yelling?
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Well all expenses paid and a pizza
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You will pay my expenses and bring pizza? Great!
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No! Other way around
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So you will have it delivered instead of bringing it to me? That works too!
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No. And how did I know that’s what you were going to say next?!
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Because I’m the most predictable person ever. My wife had me figured out 4 months before we ever met.
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I believe that!
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As you should. So tomorrow is your last chance to get all your friends to vote for me. Make it count!
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The post will be going up at 8 am Mountain time. Reblog it if you want too 😉
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Sounds good. I might add do a little post tomorrow, then reblog that.
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Great.
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Ended up it didn’t do me any good. Except to get second place, which is what I wanted.
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Then all is well that ends well..
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And bitterness returns to bitterness.
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Do I have to agree cuz if I did then there wouldn’t be bitterness..
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Feel free to disagree. Or agree. Either one will make me bitter.
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Okay
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Have you checked out my blog today. You’ll be surprised…
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I’m going to send you an email.
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Got it. So funny.
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lol
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I am such a tool. A Gardner tool.
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You so are
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The unuseful kind of tool.
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pft
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For this blog I leave you with the Everything Is Awesome song, an annoying song for an annoying 3 year old. May is replay in your head for days to come.
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Someone else already left it the Everything is Awesome song. So now I have doubly have that earworm in my head and I can’t get it out.
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Right, well if you didn’t moderate all your comments, I might have come up with a different, yet equally annoying song. Do You Want To Build A Snowman maybe…or All The Single Ladies…shall I go on?
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How about Let It Go. While you wanna build a snowman is annoying, it wasn’t near as overplayed as Let It Go. The freaking movie came out in 2013. Can we Let It Go by now? It wasn’t even that good.
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I was going to do Let it Go but then I thought…too obvious.
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So obvious that even I guessed. You know it’s obvious when I come up with it.
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Congratulations Bitter 3 year old Ben. Have a very bitter birthday!
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I’ll make sure the blog knows how much of a bitter birthday you wished it.
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Bitter Birthday wishes to you and yours.
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Actually my blog had its birthday and it was kind of being a jerk making me get it some balloons and a present.
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LOL Happy Anniversary or Birthday?? hmm not sure, but anyway glad that you are here to inject the bitterness and humor into what would have been a productive and joyous day! LOL 🙂 🙂 I am eating popcorn, handfuls at a time, crumbs are everywhere. #amcelebrating 🙂
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Nope no birthday. That’s coming in April, where I will give post the third annual 42 reasons to be bitter.
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I’ll keep my eye out for that one!! 🙂
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It will be epic.
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I hope you don’t mind me asking, BUT how did you get Freshly Pressed ?What do I have to do?? Is it because I am not that themed? Any advice?
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Freshly Pressed is an interesting thing. Besides the fact that it very hard to get noticed in general with so many millions of blogs on WordPress, there are a few things you can do to help. First, you want to get known by the staff of people that choose it by being on Freshly Pressed a lot. Liking, commenting and following people that are on there really helps. When I first got pressed, he said he noticed me from commenting on other blogs there. Second, there is a way that you can nominate other blogs that you feel are Freshly Pressed material, and with that, they know who you are and might dig around a little and see what your’s is like. If you try to get to know the editors, you might find that they have particular tastes. Most of them like really serious, very topical posts that matter that very day or the very recent days. When Ebola was a big deal last year I noticed a ton of those getting Pressed. And if you notice, they almost always are serious subjects on there. The two times I got pressed were by the same guy, so he possibly appreciated humor a little more than most. I don’t know if he’s around anymore, but his name is Ben too. So if you see him around pressed you might want to find his blog and comment on it. They also seem to press you more when they know you’ve been pressed once already. (I know that’s kind of a experience vs. schooling circle). When it comes to getting posts chosen, it will likely not be one that you were expecting. Both of the ones I got were ones I did at the spur of the moment and I would say, not anywhere near my favorite or best work. So again, the best way is to continually look at others Freshly Pressed posts and see what they write about, the style they have, and find something unique you do and of course get to know others on Fresh Pressed.
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Thank you so much!! I really appreciate the advice!! It seems a bit obvious to me now, making a presence on Fresh Press. I will def explore this. To be Fresh Press is like seeing a unicorn – and now I am on the prowl! Thank you again, I appreciate your response and excellent advice !! Bitter Ben – you’re not so bitter after all!! lol
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No trouble. I find that it was kind of a double edged sword. It brought all kinds of people to my site for a little while, but it also brought a bunch of people that I would never see again. What I found is that the people that follow your site and comment will be there well before and after and they will be there because they like your blog and not because you were Fresh Press. Have fun on your pursuit!
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Congrats! Three year olds have the most fun. 🙂 They don’t believe in following any social order or making anyone else happy but themselves. But they say the funniest things and make us all smile with their strange perceptions of the world. Very fitting for how your bitterness makes us smile!
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I remember being three and it was awful. No driver’s license, no parties, no fun. My mom even made me eat my peas. How could life get any worse? Oh wait…
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Life is pretty much downhill from three yrs old, lets just be honest here.
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My downhill started on day one.
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I can only wish you a bitter blogversary, Ben… the bitterest. I’m letting you know I intend to observe it by not doing anything remotely productive, interesting or thought provoking for the remainder of the day. Go ahead. Take my hour. I didn’t want it anyway… 🙂 xx Mother Hen
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I’m glad you didn’t do anything productive yesterday to make up for me having to get off the couch occasionally and attend meetings. UGGH.
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I actually managed to stretch my window into Monday. I consider it a success, but I’m sure HH is bitter about his lack of clean socks and underwear…
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Now that is talent. Dudes can just reuse right?
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Poor HH… I almost feel sorry for him.
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Yeah, I feel bad for him too. But not enough to do his laundry.
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*snortle* Good call… 😀
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Guess you’re stuck with it.
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I’m a well paid if hopeless laundress, Ben. I can’t really complain… 🙂 BTW – I managed to climb mount laundry today. Clean undies? Check! It’s the little things…
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My wife isn’t a well paid laudress, so she likes to complain bitterly about it. Though if I were her and I was married to me, I would have a hard time doing it too.
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Well… kids at home. I can understand her bitterness. I spent 18 years in search of my son’s stray socks. Now that’s his wife’s problem… Tell her not to worry. She’ll miss it one day. Or not. 🙂
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That is a mystery no one will ever figure out. Where those dang socks went.
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Gahaha! Somewhere in this vast universe is a massive pile of odd socks and lost pens… let me know if you ever discover where they are all stashed!
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Actually I think I did a post about it a long time ago. It was a post about how I got inside video games and there was a dryer there with all the socks.
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I think I remember that one! Clever… Ask my best haha are rip offs, obviously… 🙂 🙂
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So someday when I go missing, you will know that I’m right there in video game land with all the socks.
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Happy Annoyiversary from a three year old. May there be many more.
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That is why my wife has to deal with on a daily basis. (Me, not the kids.)
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I’m going to take your advice but instead of pizza it’ll be homemade lasagna today. Not a bad change up
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Homemade lasagna sounds like a great idea, except that you have to cook it. Who has the work ethic for that?
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A bitter happy 3 year anniversary to you!
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Thanks Catherine. I promise there will be more of the same and none of the changes you were hoping for!
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I’m not bitter about the hour. I purposely got up 2 hours earlier today. But I will be bitching and moaning Monday morning.
Happy Anniversary!
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Well, here we are on Monday. It is kicking us in the face just like we expected.
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Congrats three year bitter Ben 🙂
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It seems like just yesterday I was writing things that only my two co-workers were reading.
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Hehe… “that weird Mcbeth Shakespeare guy”. Nice.
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I think he did a play once.
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Perfectly bitter! Happy anniversary!
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It was a bitterversary. I spent all day not sitting around.
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“Everything is Awesome….” There, bitter three year old song from the Lego movie that gets stuck in your head. Take that!
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I could think of worse ones. Pretty much anything on the Disney Channel my kids make me listen to all the time.
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