Do you know what this means?
BREAKING NEWS! This is your news anchor Captain Obvious! In what is unprecedented news, I’ve figured something out. We’ve done a calendar change and the year is now 2015. Do you know what that means? DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? It means, Marty McFly and Doc Brown are going to be visiting Hill Valley later this year. That means we (meaning all of you) have a lot of work to do. We need to get a sound stage ready that looks just like a small California town so when they show up, they think Hill Valley looks all futury. 3D images of sharks almost eating you. Someone needs to make sure the Cubs don’t win the World Series. Nike needs to make sure they have a prototypical self tying shoe ready. Sports Illustrated needs to get on making a Sports Almanac that is from 1950-2000 with all the correct scores. We need need Industrial Lights & Magic working on special effects for the flying car. The future is almost here…for Marty and company. As for me, you have some things to work on for me. Here they are Friday Gifture style.
In my future, I need…
…mixers that get caught in people’s hair easier.
In my future….
…I need dogs that are as lazy as me.
In my future…
..tables that automatically embarrass people at the right moments.
In my future…
…I need telescopes that can see the future.
In my future…
….I need chill people like this.
In my future…
…I need cats to be chill too.
In my future…
….I’m gonna need more tape.
In the future….
…I’m gonna need a Jaws holograms, just like in Back to the Future.
In my future…
…trees need to step up and cause others pain.
In my future…
…tennis needs to be played with Light Sabres.
In my future…
…people need to be pushier.
In my future…
…I need to be an old guy, pushing around the young punks.
Now that we have the future all sorted out, it’s time for me to dwell on the fact that none of these things will happen. Even in Hill Valley.
The Real Future…
ARRRRGGGHHH
Bitter Futuristic Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
I would love for trees to inflict a little pain. I always root for the underdog. Who doesn’t love a good comeback story? For instance my own.
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You would be a great comeback story, because you have lots of comebacks. And also really good with the puns. I used to go on pun runs in college. Go to a girls house knock on their door, do some puns then leave really quick. Helped me get good at the old puns.
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It is weird though. Never once have I ever seen a job description call for a person good with puns…a day I hope someday comes!
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I have actually applied for at job at theonion.com once and while it didn’t implicitly say they were looking for puns, you know that you probably have to at least minor in the subject. I was thinking of starting my own theonion.com but I don’t know how. But if I ever did, your job is coming up with the puns.
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I formally accept the position. Hypothetically.
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My first hypothetical employee!
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Either you keep getting funnier or I keep getting easier to please (and I don’t think I’m getting easier to please).
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You are clearly getting easier to please. The more my wife hears my jokes the sadder faced she gets.
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andre braugher is on 2 channels at the same time,right now. how can he do that?
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He is a mad genius of transporting. He can move among channels.
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Love that dog!
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He’s the dog version of me. I wouldn’t fetch for anyone either.
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Happy New Year, BF. 🙂
By the way . . . the dude that dropped the chick off the thing? Yeah, he would’ve got punched in the face if he’d done that to me. Then again, I probably wouldn’t have jumped off whatever that was in the first place. I guess it’s her own fault.
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Nope not her fault. That dude had no right to do something like that. People should be able to do things in their own time. It reminds me of how Amanda is working on trying jumping off a diving board and not pushing her until she is ready and not pushing her before she wants to do it.
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BB, I can’t believe the video of the guy pushing the scared bungee jumping girl off! I can identify with her completely. Great photos and captions!
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Someone is pushing you off cliffs? That would make me a little bitter too.
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Welcome to the future! Where’s my flying car?
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The flying cars are much smaller than we think. Like remote control car sized.
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I can’t go shopping in one of those.
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I know. We will need to find Doc Brown and tell him to build them bigger.
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Reblogged this on Kerry Kelley and commented:
Happy New Year. Thank you Ben.
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Thank you Ben. You made my day.
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I’m not sure how, but thanks, I guess?
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I guess I should have said “You made my day more bitter”.
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Now that is what I’m looking to do. That makes my bitter heart all the more cold, when I hear that.
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Success has never been so bitter.
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If I had any success, it would never be more bitter. That’s for sure.
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Make sure the Cubs don’t win the World Series? Having lived in Chicago nearly all my life, that’s a given!
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It would be pretty ironic if it happened this year doncha think?
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If only!!!
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I wouldn’t hold out for it.
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This is the year two-thousand fifteen?!?
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Yep. Take a moment to breathe. The air in the future here is very much different as it is way more toxic and bitter. Once you get your bearings, try not to feel the urge to take a picture of yourself, because they are the new plague of the future. Be safe here in the future!
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Happy 2015 Ben. Just think of all the wonderful new things to be bitter about this year!
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There will be so many, that I will not have time for all of them and I will be bitter about that.
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