If you don’t know this by now, I’m gonna tell you something revolutionary about me. I don’t blog like other people. I don’t blog about recipes (well, I might do one if there is a recipe with something bitter in it and I learn how to cook someday), write about my family, blog about relationships, sports or hard hitting, depressing world news. You didn’t think for New Year’s I was going to do some uplifting recap of the year, did you? Well, yeah actually I am going to do a crap recap.
2014 was the worst, but I knew about that all the way back on January 10th when I did my 2014 retrospective. Miraculously, I was right for the first time ever. Though it didn’t take a genius to figure out that 2014 would suck. I predict 2015 will suck too and you will see next year I’m right about that too. But before we talk about how bad 2015 will be, let’s talk about 2014 one last time. 2014 was the year of the disease.
I know what you are thinking. Yes, there was a nasty disease that dominated the headlines this year. Ebola was covered in the news so much that I got more sick from hearing about it, than the harm Ebola ever did to me. The reason why I survived Ebola could have been that I was wearing an industrial astronaut suit to work or it could have just been the fact that 350,000,000 some Americans just like me, did not get Ebola. Some plague you turned out to be Ebola. I’ve heard of tiny mosquitoes that killed more than you.
But let’s not dwell on depressing diseases like Ebola. Let’s talk about other depressing diseases. Like the Ice Bucket Challenge. Now that was a disease that actually infected people. Like a whole bunch of people. In fact, if you look up the definition of a virus, the Ice Bucket Challenge also appears in the dictionary. Not all in the same place, but those three words are definitely in there somewhere.
You know what else doesn’t appears in the dictionary? A virus called the Kim Kardashian. She got married to an insane person that thinks he is the best rapper in the whole world and he’s not even as good a rapper as Vanilla Ice. She spent more money on that wedding than NASA spent on the Space Program the last 50 years. Good thing it will be over soon and we can get back to her breaking the internet with something larger than a NASA space station.
Speaking of spacing out, we had two worldwide sporting events that put me to sleep. Remember February? Russia? The ice skating and the ice skiing and ice dancing and the ice snowboarding and the ice marathon, and the ice 100 yard dash? Now that would be an interesting event. Too bad I’m not in charge of the Winter Olympics. And the World Cup, the world’s most boring sport taking up two weeks in the middle of the summer that I will never get back. Seriously, thanks for bombarding the airwaves with those compelling 0-0 ties, preempting Let’s Make a Deal. I couldn’t even enjoy my Happy Meal at McDonald’s because they kept trying to give me tickets to Brazil to watch it. If I wanted to fall asleep watching something, I would go to a meeting at work.
Another disease we succumbed(succame?) to was the disease of taking pictures with a camera not of other people doing things, but of ourselves. The hip, cool in-style kids call them selfies, but boring old me calls them quick self portraits. By the way, people have been taking pictures of themselves for like a lot of years. Why all of a sudden do people think they were invented this year? And why are people so uncreative that they can’t think of anything else to do with Instagram besides taking pictures of themselves with a mirror that shows mostly your phone along with a little of you? I can think of at least 3 other things that are more interesting, but not off the top of my selfie.
Speaking of my selfie, I’m pretty bored of discussing last year and all its diseases. I’m sure you are too. And I’m pretty sick of the bitterness this year brought. Hopefully 2015 will bring just as many bitter diseases as 2014 did.
ARRRRGGGHHHH
Bitter Diseased Ben
Sorry to hear you’re feeling bitter, Ben. Nevertheless, it’s great to hear from you again. Thanks for liking my blog piece!
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You shouldn’t feel sorry. I will always bitter about something or other, even if I have to invent it.
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People love taking selfies. Here’s why. Because we are lazy. Us “photographers” need a subject of which to photograph. There is almost nothing more conveniently present than ourselves! Even the sun and moon only stick around 5-12 hours a day. Want to take a snapshot of the sun at midnight. Probably not happenin! But you know what you can take a picture of????!!!
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You are pretty right about that. In addition, I think it is all about forcing your “friends” to like your instagram photos so you can get all kinds of likes. I just set a record of 9 likes on an Instagram the other day and it wasn’t even a selfie.
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People like to be liked. It’s disgusting.
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Pretty much. Good thing when I interrupt people’s lives and talk about bitterness, it makes it easier for people to not like me.
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One of the major networks should have you do the year’s recap. It would be much more entertaining (and bitter) than the traditional look back.
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That would certainly add a little flavor to the regular boring year end recap. Not sure it would keep them on the air for very long though.
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I’m just happy that people (for the most part) stopped taking pictures of their food. It’s one of those things that had absolutely no logic behind its popularity. Like spin-offs from “Rock of Love” or the small North-Pole worker figurine that one places on one’s shelf. (I refuse to speak its name.)
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Yeah, that stupid thing that hangs on the shelf serves no purpose, just like the Congress or that girl that was a country singer in your class. I’m not sure why people would want to take a picture of food, especially since it is such a disposable item.
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Exactly. People might as well take a picture of their poop so we have the whole “Before and After” experience
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The sad thing is people probably have and that is scary. Let’s hope that doesn’t become a new trend.
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I am terrified of catching the selfie flu. Most days I can’t even look in the mirror, so I bet I’d die from it.. I know there is a vaccine but I live in Canada and I don’t think the government health care covers it, so I’m probably screwed. As usual.
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I’m with you there. I use the Instagram for pictures of funny things that I can comment on. No one wants to see this face too much.
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Haha, sorry to say, I have the selfie disease. And I won’t stop 😉
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Well, you’re not the only one. And not the worst thing in the world. Ebola is much worse.
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when did you write this.you didn’t appear in the reader
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I wrote it yesterday really early, at least my time. About 5:30 am west coast.
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i’ll be.. i was awake at 2;30
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So it should have come straight to you then.
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yes, but that dumb reader or aol.. it will leave out & then you don’t know…all he time.sometimes it will show 3 people over & over to infinity not beyond
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Sounds like they have a speed problem or a storage problem. Maybe you should quit AOL.
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May the upcoming year exceed your expectations. Happy New Year>
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May the upcoming year be bitter actually.
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Hello, my dear bitter friend. Although I have been MIA and sporadic in my reading, I want you to know that your bitterness always puts a bitter smile on my bitter face and for that, I bitterly thank you! Bitter New Year!! 🙂
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Yeah, Brickhouse, where have you been? Actually enjoying real life? That’s no fun. You need to get back into blogging and the electronic life.
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You should have put the Selfies at the top! Such narcissistic crap ever!
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I could have easily put them right on the top.
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I remember when we took selfies with sho-nuff, film loaded cameras and had to wait until the pharmacy developed the pictures before you know how much of your face was in the frame. (happy omitted) new year to you, Ben
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Yeah, I think it’s kind of funny that kids these days think they invented selfies. They’ve been doing them since people could draw.
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A Happy Meal?? I’m shocked. Doesn’t anyone serve a bitter meal?
Have a Bitter New Year!
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It was actually a crappy meal.
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That’s more like it!
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You bitter believe it.
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McBitter Barfs
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It’s give me heartburn, which makes me bitter.
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Well then you must bitterly go often
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Of course I do. How do you think my face got turned sideways?
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Well that explains a lot.
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Though you can’t explain all the bitter.
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Well maybe..
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That is like explaining all the stars in the universe.
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Please explain the stars..
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There are so many reasons that I’m bitter that it is like the amount of stars in the universe.
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Now I understand..
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Sometimes my metaphors can be a tad confusing.
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noooo
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I prefer to mix my metaphors so they confuse and make bitter.
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How come that doesn’t surprise me?
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Because I’m pretty predictable. I’m bitter all the time right?
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True dat!
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Dat is true.
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May the year 2015 be as bitter for you as the below zero wind that blows outside my window.
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Where the heck are you? Sounds like where I grew up in South Dakota. So bitterly cold.
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In the frozen tundra of Wisconsin. Land of cheese and long underwear.
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I can’t relate to that kind of cold at all. We didn’t even have cheese to keep us sane.
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Bitter New Year to you my man. Nice job this year.
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It will definitely be a bitter new year.
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But people make it all worthwhile.
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And people make it bitter too.
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That’s the best ice bucket challenge video I’ve seen.
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If I was ever asked to do it, I could have been worse.
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I hope 2015 sucks for you as much as 2014
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Trust me. It’s only been 10 hours into 2015 and already I know it sucks worse than 2014. And 2014 was the worst.
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And did you hear about the new vaccine-resistant strain of flu?
Have yourself a 99% cacao chocolate bar to ring in an appropriately tasting new year.
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All I know is that when I got the flu shot about 12 years ago, I got sick all winter from that shot. I don’t believe in getting a shot that makes you sick, instead of getting your healthy.
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Bitter Ben, you are so wise in your predictions. I predict that I will be your first bitter commenter of the New Year.
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I’m definitely not wise, except in the terms of bitterness. Then I’m an Einstein.
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Take it where you can get it.
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I guess I should.
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