Bitter comments are a necessary part of this blog because it is a way that I can get down on a more personal level with the people. This is a way I can tell a person one on one why they in particular should be bitter and how I can mentor them in more bitter way. It’s also a way for crazy people to say stuff that makes no sense to me and for me to respond in an equally confusing and non meaningful way. Actually most of the comments are that way. But, it is a dialouge that is necessary for bitterness to grow. There were a lot of comments passed back and forth this year, and most of them went nowhere, like me in just about every aspect. But every once in a while some bloggers caught the vision of bitterness and became regular commenters/bitter enthusiasts and posted stuff that actually moved the bitter cause forward. Since this is not scientific or planned out, I will be leaving out people that should be considered, but that is okay, because that will cause them to be bitter next year and maybe do a bitter job of commenting.
Before I announce the “winner”, here are some people who didn’t win(maybe that makes them bitter or maybe it doesn’t, but let’s hope so).
Gibber, Erin Spelling and C Miller were all in the top 5 when it came to the amount of comments. They should get an award for being courageous enough to comment when they clearly had way bitter things to be doing. Like cleaning lint off a brush, or watching paint dry, or watching the dryer rotate for hours. Even so, no award for them. Maybe they will be given an invitation to the Bitter Hall of Fame someday though.
Alanna from White Girls Be Like – She came along about the middle of the year and became a pretty regular commenter. When she comments she usually has something bitter to relate and contributed more than just fluff. She has some bitterness and vents well, but she didn’t win. Here is an example of her not award winning comments:
In response to my Hybrid Kid’s Crap for Sale! post in August – “First off, I actually won one of those stupid mini pillow pets and I don’t know if it’s a shark or dolphin so I call it “Flip-Jaws.” One time I woke up gasping for air because it’s like Tempurpedic for your face. Secondly, I’m so deeply sorry that your have to watch Nickelodeon/Disney Channel/Whatever all day. I feel you on that one. It’s like, “Let’s go outside and play on your play-set thing which is awesome and I never had one” and they’re like, “Nah, I just wanna watch “Dog With a Blog”, and I’m all, “I have a blog too!” and they look at me like I’m the just the one that wipes their butts and makes them chicken nuggets. Got a little angry there for a second. I’m back now.”
Fits of Wit – Jamie Lynn – Always irreverent, always funny, slightly bitter. She also didn’t win.
In response to my post Crashing Into Friday Giftures:
“Like, humans have shark week conventions? Or are you saying sharks have conventions?
My imagination really wants the second one to be true. All the sharks gather at a panel where they listen to Jaws talk about how it was back in the day during filming…
The sharks from Sharknado sign autographs…
They have fried human on a stick for snacks…”
Marisa Bergen – over at Glorious Results of Misspent Youth – Almost always the first to like and comment. If you can beat her, you might be on the commenters of the year next year.
Aurora made her presence known recently with this bitter retort to my post The Bitter Beard Battle of Movember –
“Like you, I am a member of Stay Out of My Cubicle and Don’t Talk to Me(SOOMC&DTTM). Fortunately for us both, I don’t actually want to bond with you over this fact. Because when I say that I am “like you”, what I mean is being your friend would be about as fun as sticking bamboo splinters up my fingernails.”
Now, the winner (which you should feel bad for) of the Commenter of the Year trophy is Snow of Adorable Paintings. She doesn’t always comment, but when she does, she does so in rhyme. I’m not sure if she intends for it to be a rap song or a poem, but whatever it is, it is purely brilliant bitterness. You can tell that on the surface, she seems nice, but underneath she has a dark bitter soul. Not as dark as mine, but nobody’s soul is. My two favorite comments of all year are both hers. Not only because they are well thought out, but they have a lot of passive aggressiveness, which I completely agree with. Anyways, here is the winning comments from the winning commenter:
In response to my post The Bitter Realm Part 1:
“Oh Bitter Ben, you are such a muse
In the wrong line with so many clues
Your villainy should have been your first tip
Without having to listen to any Hero’s lip
The realm you are in is must be your real home
Only coming to Earth when needing to roam
To spread your bitterness both far and wide
With no place for any of us innocents to hide
So return to your realm or try a new game
To stay with the heroes seems rather lame
A sword and a shield will only confuse
And if you’re not careful, will cause you to lose ©
May the Bitter Force Be With You!”
And in response to my post The Bitter Truth about my Stats:
“Quit whining Better Ben
You know you can do it
If you expected our bitter tears
Then you really blew it
Most Bitterites do know
Those statistics aren’t true
But you having so many followers
Makes the rest of us Bitter Blue
You’ve worked mighty hard
As many of us do
Yet we have nothing to show
That’s as good as you do
So brighten up your bitter smile
Get on with your day
You’ve more bitter blogs to write
Just dry up those tears . . . okay?”
I imagine each time she wrote those she looked me dead in the eye, dropped the mic, turned and walked right off the stage, leaving me powerless to respond. I had no response…until now. By including her responses on my blog, I am now embarrasing her because what is worse than being featured on the bitterest blog on WordPress! And now, I drop the mic.
ARRRRGGGGHHHH
Bitter Commented Ben
All this gushing while I’m trying to ignore the pounding in my head from the purring kittens. Can you take your butterflies and unicorns and furball lovey dovey kissy face and shove it somewhere not labelled ‘bitter’ ? Or maybe you should rename this place bitter-sweet Ben’s playhouse? I came sniffing around for some undiluted bitterness, if Ya don’t mind.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I was only making fun of those stupid things. Next time, I won’t even include those stupid words.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yikes, Bitter Ben, you did something so nice
One might start to think you’re all sugar and spice
But what am I thinking, that can’t possibly be true
If you lost your bitter, we’d all be so blue!
Still, I humbly accept your prestigious award
As recipient I admit, I’m feeling quite floored
My first Commenter of the Year Award is such an honor
More fun that feeding hay to Blitzen or Donner
Is some of my bitterness slipping today?
Did you do this on Purpose to steal my bitterness away?
Ah ha, I fooled you, it can’t be undone
For that would obliterate all of the fun!
Still I plan to go on and win bitterly next year
My competitors will just have to tremble with fear
Or find a lot more bitterness and spew it just right
But be warned they’ll be in for the bitterest fight!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can’t keep up with your rhymes, but you knew I would be giving you commenter of the year way back in the day. I couldn’t resist the two comments and some of the others too. Thanks for keeping me honest and bitter.
LikeLike
Thank you for the shout-out. I’m always happy to give “more than just fluff”, even if it’s only slightly more. My life is made up of participation points and honorable mentions, so I’m glad to see the that the trend still continues.
LikeLike
You definitely are one of the people that just stops by and likes and leaves a boring comment. So you definitely deserve a shout out, even though it just seems like a participation ribbon.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Totally. Always shooting for the middle lol
LikeLike
I’m aiming for the low middle, just so no one pays any attention to my bitterness.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m bitter that i didn’t even qualify for a mention!!! I have 48 yearss of bitter vitriolic bitterness. If there was a degree for bitterness at the University of Bitterness taught by a professor of bitterness i would be disqualified simply for being over qualified. Consider me bitterly rejected.!!!
LikeLike
You should be bitter. I’d be bitter if I was too. Luckily, this blog is all about being bitter. So feel free to vent to us here.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Totally can’t be upset about losing when I don’t rhyme. Also, I haven’t really been on here much at all in the past . . . three months or so. So there’s also that. We’re still BF’s though. 🙂
LikeLike
Sorry, C. But I do know that you were number 2 in the amount of comments for the year, even after being scarce that last few. You are still one of my favs!
LikeLike
Thanks for the honorable mention! I feel that we have bonded despite my best efforts to push away your friendship – a fact which makes me intensely bitter, which of course only strengthens our bond of bittership. Unhappy New Year!
LikeLike
Yes, and I have also tried to push you away. It seems that we are bonding on the fact that we keep trying to not be friends. Oh well, I guess neither one of us are very good at pushing people away like we want to. The heavy burdens we bear of being dynamic despite our efforts, I guess.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha, it would be a lot easier not to be your friend if you were slightly less awesome. 😉
LikeLike
I’m pretty sure I can be slightly less awesome. Just tell me I have to go to work bitterness will ensue.
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is the story of my life. To lose a contest unwittingly, when had I known it was a contest i would have put some effort into losing it wittingly, then atleast I would have had the satisfaction of knowing that I had lost based on my lack of talent, not on my lack of knowledge… or whatever.
LikeLike
You never know what I will be looking at when it comes to awards on this blog, you better keep on your toes.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Clearly you’re ignoring me and my rapier sharp, incisively bitter comments because of blogland nepotism. Which makes me resentful which makes me increasingly bitter. Not even a footnote…blaarrgh!
LikeLike
Your use of big words probably got you disqualified. Along with the fact that most time I have to coerce you into commenting because you are “TOO BUSY” working at work.
LikeLike
Well thanks for the honourable mention,
but that’s not what gets my attention.
I’m so bitter now with not winning.
My head is bitterly endlessly spinning.
I plan to win so wipe off that bitter grin
Hold onto your pants
Why?
Cause I’m steppin up the
bitter
Comment rants!
Arrggghhhh
LikeLike
Sounds like you are finally stepping up Gibber. If you keep it up for the whole year of 2015, you might be in the nominations again.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Might be? Arrgghh
I’m raisn the bar
“Might’s” not an option you see
If I’m not first, I’m all bittery
I know you like that
so
You’re welcome
No give me my first stat
Or umm..
LikeLike
Good luck being first, it’s hard to be number one, I find the people that want it most and get second place are the ones that are the most bitter, it hurts their face.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You have a point. Maybe I need to be second. You just made me think…grrr…very bitter not wanting to think grr…
LikeLike
I like when other people have to think instead of me. Thinking hurts my head.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well it hurts mine too..
LikeLike
That’s why I need to not think today at work.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Take a nap, it’ll help
LikeLike
I will take a nap, but it won’t help.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well bitter dreams to you then.
LikeLike
They will be the bitterest.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good..I mean aarruugghhh
LikeLike
No one wanted that “Bitter Pill” of an award anyway.
LikeLike
No joke. I feel bad for everyone that was even mentioned because they are now bitterlisted from other blogs.
LikeLike
my dryer won’t rotate, b/c the handle came off in my hand a few weeks ago & i’m waiting for the repairman to answer my email
LikeLike
Sounds like you have all kinds of bitter complaints that we need to deal with. I’m bitter about all kinds of things too.
LikeLike
yes we need to bitterly deal with before i explode,my bitter therapist
LikeLike
It would take a lot of therapists for me.
LikeLike
you and me both. i just had a kniption fit googling what to do when a pot lid gets stuck for an hour
LikeLike
And I spent the last hour at work staring at my phone.
LikeLike
was that productive
LikeLike
Not one bit. But I didn’t do anything productive at work on Friday. except post something.
LikeLike
Thanks for the honorable mention Ben, although you will be pleased to know that I am bitter that my brilliancy was not directly quoted on this blog! I also note that I am the 17th to like this blog! I’m slipping ! And drowning in bitterness!
LikeLike
You are however, the first one to comment, which is why you got honorable mention. Also, I’m very glad that you are bitter. I didn’t quote any of your comments because there were way too many bitter ones for me to choose from.
LikeLike
Well I think people are too intimidated by your bitterness to comment. Sometimes I think I am too but then I’m just too bitter to care.
LikeLike
Yeah, I wimpy guy like me intimidating. My kids aren’t even intimidated by me.
LikeLike
Your bitter face is somewhat intimidating.
LikeLike
Yeah, I guess it is. I can imagine it scares a lot of people.
LikeLiked by 1 person
There’s an annual reward for the best comment!? (face palm)
If I would have known that, I would have tried to be more pathetic and less helpful. WTH? Looks like I have my work cut out for me next year. (insert evil stare pic here)
LikeLike
I just made it up, so if it is an annual thing, then that means I will have to do work again next year and that seems like way too much for me.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Not an annual thing? that makes me bitter already… and now it makes me wonder, and I feel that I have to ask…did those mentioned only get mentioned because they have a certain place in your bitter world that the rest of us don’t?
LikeLike
It might be, just came up with the idea this year. As far as the few people on the list, there were all there for a reason. They were either really clever commenters on a regular basis, or ones that have been commenting on almost every post of mine. The winner doesn’t always comment, but the unique way she did them were too much to resist. As far as you, if you are around next year, you will definitely be on the list. (Unless you start getting less clever.)
LikeLiked by 1 person
oh…I’ll be around. You can be certain of that! I’m like a bad case of heartburn that no amount of Zantac will cure.
LikeLike
I can also be bought, so…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I hope you’re cheap.
LikeLiked by 1 person
All I ask for you to do all my biddings.
LikeLike