Twas the Night to Be Bitter

/ bensbitterblog
Well, the day before, but whatever.

Well, the day before, but whatever.

Just so you know, I didn’t major in the poetry arts in college.  Also, ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas is very long and I am very impatient.  And by the way, rappers don’t always exactly rhyme all the time either and they get paid millions of dollars more than I do.  So, with that in mind, be bitter for many other reasons about my presentation of The Day Before Christmas.

It’s the day before Christmas, and all through the company,

Not a person is stirring, except that person that is bumping me.

The stockers are filling shelfs with inventory

In hopes that we get don’t get a big order from the military

My co-workers are all nestled at home taking naps

while I’m stuck here at work pretending to give a crap.

I in my casual clothes, them in their jammies

Just settling in for some email scammies

When out on a roof I heard such a clatter

Nope just a repairman fixing something that doesn’t matter

Away to my car I flew like a flash

In hopes that being here will get me some bonus cash

The moon still appearing cause it’s still dark outside

Making me wonder if I should hide

Under my desk and pray the phone doesn’t work

So I don’t have to listen to another complaining jerk

Then appears the CEO, on this most useless workday of the year

I’ve got an announcement, you can all leave here

On accounting! on IT! and Systems and Service

Go home and spend time with those that deserve us

Eat some food, have some egg nog, open a present or two

Just make sure you don’t get the flu

Then appeared my boss telling us we can go home

Except for you Bitter Ben, there’s work to be done

So stay here all night, release this to the warehouse

We’ll be at home, with our kid’s and our spouse…s

Don’t be bitter though because you are getting overtime

Just make sure you aren’t blogging and making up stupid rhymes

We need you for last second calls and demands

I’m sure your kids and family will totally understand

But have a great Christmas, and here’s an envelope

When I grab it, I finally get some hope

That there might be a bonus worthy of a king

And maybe on the way home, I can buy some bling

When I rip it open, I have a miracle in my head

Then see it dashed when it’s a coupon for some Miracle Spread

I wearily go to my car late at night

To see all kinds of sleighs going left and right

I drive in a winter storm and finally get home

Then realize that I forget to set the alarm to roam

I’m not going back, that is for sure

Merry Christmas whoever’s gonna break in, it’s definitely your year.

ARRRRRGGGHHHHH

Bitter Day Before Christmas Ben

83 thoughts on “Twas the Night to Be Bitter”

  4. Guess what?! I actually have REAL MONEY in that account!! It happened sorta’ by axxadint, and ahma gonna spend, spend, spend–Whoop-dee-doo!! Or I could choose a bill to pay. Or give my money to a certain Bitter Boy. Let me think… Which will it be?

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  5. Many years ago I worked for a company that kept downsizing… and they were doing some of this around Halloween and Thanksgiving… and I remember writing a version of “Twas the Night Before Christmas” that was all about the end of a sales quarter and corporate stock going down. I had to keep it hidden lest it be frowned upon, but at some point over the years I lost it. Seeing your post makes me wish I had kept that little bitter nugget of my own.

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  7. Ben, I’ve stayed away too long. One of the best “Twas”es ever. From the way you managed to come up with a rhyme for “the company”–and how it managed to immediately share your bitterness at still being at work on Christmas–to the “Just settling in for some email scammies” that actually made me laugh out loud for real, to the stretched plural of “spouse”, to that anticlimactic “The moon still appearing ’cause it’s still dark outside”, with your unspoken, loudly implied “(Duh!)”–

    I loved it. Great job. Thanks so much for a fun read. And Merry Christmas! (Many shopping days left until January 6th–or, if you want my PayPal account# for direct transfers, this, too, can be arranged… : )

    –O. Babe

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  14. I make it a point to thank folks who work so that I can have a restful holiday… but sounds like you are in one of those out of sight, out of mind jobs where that will never happen. Thanks for blogging it, though… this one went straight to FB.

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    • Yep, have worked the last two Christmas Eve’s. Cause you know, the people that have worked here should always have to work it. 😦
      Sorry about your husband having to work both days. I would be really bitter if I had to work tomorrow.
      The snow is available to everyone. You can just click on a button and yours will snow too.

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    • There is a flag on one of the places buried within your WP Dashboard that says “D’ya want it to snow during the holidays?” (only it doesn’t say it quite this way), and only members of the secret WP club have access to it. I’d tell you where it is, only they’d have to kill me. Or because I can’t remember, and I’d look for it and THEN tell you where it is, but then I’d have to look for it AGAIN, and every year that drives me absolutely crazy, and even though I just found it a few days ago, I’ve already forgotten where it is. A smarter way is just to google for it.

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