It has been the purpose of this blog from the very beginning to help people overcome the heavy weight and burden of being happy all the time. If you don’t believe me, go alllll the way back to my very first, terribly written post that introduced the world (by world, I mean my family) to this sick twisted blog of mine, and the manifesto to bring more bitterness to the world. I have failed miserably, for that I’m not sorry at all. I am a glutton for punishment, so I continue to write blog posts in favor of bitterness, despite losing ground on the battle for bitter on a daily basis. I continue to write despite the fact that people are getting cheerier all the time. Despite the fact the people find joy in “learning something new every day” or “someone was nice to them on a bad day” or “someone held the door for me when my arm were full of groceries that cost too much for a family that doesn’t appreciate what I do for them enough”.
Being bitter is a state of mind. It’s thinking outside of the box. I invite you to start taking a different approach to your thought process. Instead of finding joy in the little things, be bitter about the little things. Like “there are so many things I didn’t learn today” or “despite the fact that one person was nice to me at the end of the day, the rest of the day really sucked” or “even though someone held open the door, I still have a bag of heavy groceries that they didn’t help me carry, didn’t pay for and my kids didn’t appreciate it”. You see how you can turn such a little thing into a bitter thing?
I know I can’t go over all aspects of bitterness in one post. You would be reading forever and a 17 days after that. If you want slightly less than that, go read all 437 posts or however many I’ve written and you will start to get the gist of things. What I want to focus on today, is how Someone is always better than you. It’s a deep topic, I know, but an important one. You need to realize that no matter how good you are at something, someone is better than you at it. In fact, no matter how bad you are at something, someone is always worse. I know it kind of blows your mind, but I will show you examples. If you think you have an example to the contrary, feel free to comment about it in the comments, and I will find a way to prove you wrong.
So, let’s say your name is Usain Bolt. For the last two Olympics, you have been told you are the fastest man on the planet. You have defeated all comers in the 100 yard dash, and set records, proving that you can destroy all competition. You get paid tons of money because no one is faster than you. Your ego and expectations are through the roof and nothing anyone can say can bring you down. Well, Usain, get ready to be bitter. Okay man, you are fast. Maybe faster than any other man. But could you beat a cat in a race? A pet that mostly sits at home on its pretend throne, waiting to be fed. Cats don’t work out. They just eat lasagna and take naps all day. But in a race, you could possibly be beat by a cat. Or a jaguar, or a mom in a minivan. Or a horse just wanting to get some hay. How awesome are you, if you came last in a race with a cat, jaguar, a mom in a minivan, and a horse getting some hay?
More? Okay. Say you are a CEO of a major corporation. You’ve worked your way up through 1000’s of major decisions. You went to the right schools, you took all the hardest classes, you worked long hours, you brown nosed all the biggest jerks to get where you are today. Words you say affect lives. Stocks go up and down by what you say to the press. Jobs are gained or lost, by the tiniest decisions you make. You are rich and powerful and you have a nice home and you can vacation anywhere you want. Well, Mr. CEO, meet Kim Kardashian. Or Khloe, or Kourtney, or Kylie or Kendall. These girls didn’t go to college, or get a fancy degree, or work long hours at the office. Guess what? They are rich and powerful too. Every word they say makes stocks go up and down. Jobs are affected by decisions they make. They don’t do anything innovative. They probably make more money than you and they can vacation like 63 weeks out of the year and still be complaining because they are so STRESSSEDD. Make you bitter?
How about some shorter examples? A world class basketball player is worse than an infant. The basketball player works hours, days, months, years at a time to learn how to dribble. Babies, do it instinctively as soon as they are born.
A giant is way worse than a tiny bird. A giant could tower of a tiny bird but in a battle, a bird could defeat a giant, but just flying away, tiring out the giant or he could peck at the giant’s giant achilles heel and take him down.
Megatron. Works maniacally on plans to destroy the earth, the world, to take over Cybertron. He spends hours pondering space bridges, energon cubes, devices that control minds, creating little creatures made out of pure energy, and yet, he’s eventually taken down by “worthless humans” like Spike, Carly, Sam, and Chip. All who he laughs at Optimus Prime for working with.
Home Alone. Two full grown, totally intelligent criminals, try to rob a house full of awesome things, like a 25 inch semi color TV, a Christmas Tree and some totally valuable used toys around Christmas are foiled by a simple kid that would eventually grow up to be a washed out actor.
Everyone is better than you. It’s a fact of life. You could try to fight it, and have a great attitude about life and just do your best to ignore or overcome that fact. Or you could just give into it like I have, and be bitter about it and think about every injustice in the world like I do. It will give you greater levels of stress, make you less pleasant to be around and is always give you something to complain about it, whenever the mood around you seems to be slightly tilting toward the happy. Remember, even the lowliest of us can be bitter. Even gnats have annoying little brother gnats. Even cells are divided…on issues. There are never ending possibilities of being bitter out there. You just have to be lazy enough to ignore them. Find your bitterness. It is everywhere and nowhere.
Be your Bitterest!
ARRRGGGGHHHHH
Bitter Bittervational Speaker Ben
Flex your bitterness. Get into the bitter joy of bitter building. I broke a smile this morning when I read this, but I whipped it down again. Phew! Thank you for keeping my optimism in check.
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I’m proud of you for not actually embracing the smile. Smiling is too easy of a reaction, but bitterness is hard to do. And isn’t working hard what make us bitter?
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Your blog is full of life affirming wisdom. It’s true; the bitterness never ends!
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If by wisdom you mean real bitterness, then yes I have lot of wisdom. Life draining wisdom.
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Indeed. A girl in my graduating class is now a semi-famous actress and writer in New York and I believe it’s all because a writing contest fucked me over and she stole my stuff. I creep on her occasionally and watch her lame success. It makes me truly bitter.
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I’m intrigued now. You should give me her name so I can make fun of her and bring her career down for you, so you can be the more sucessful one.
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I’ll twitter-message you the link to her lame website
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Oh yes. Can’t wait.
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Just did it. Check it outttt
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HAHAHAHAHAH!!! I loved this!
I have to admit that I’m bitter about the Kartrashians. Have been for years. That pathetic family will never be better than me! NEVER!!!
How in the name of everything wholesome, soft and durable did that family ever get where they are?
Fun post!
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The Kardashian’s are one of my favorite targets, because it is so easy. Someday I will challenge myself to take on a harder target. Or maybe not.
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Your posts always make me even more cheerful… that was your intent right?
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Totally. No! You shall be bitter! You must be reading it wrong!
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Due to your amazing bittervational speaking, I almost feel, what is this feeling…could it be that my internal hidden bitterness is finally coming to the surface? Oh no, hang about, I just burped. Yup, still a Cheergerm.
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Stop working so hard on your Cheergerminess, and get let the bitter in. It is so much easier!
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I don’t know, I turned it sideways and it still made me happy!
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Well maybe if you turn it upside down it will make you bitter?
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hmm maybe a bit.
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If you are at least a little bitter, I’ve done my job.
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It was hard work, but I wanted you to be successful at your quest to spread bitterness. 🙂
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My quest is starting to come into shape. Except just when things start looking up, things go down and then I’m bitter again.
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Conundrum indeed. Success is failure in Bitterville.
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Well, I’m in all kinds of Bitterville this week, cause I don’t want to work, but have to.
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Me too, kinda. I have to work also! 😦
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Arrrrrggghhh. I wish the people that called us everyday would just stop calling.
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Don’t you think that hard work is worth it?
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Hard work is so much work. I prefer to let others do the hard work.
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JD is never, ever going to read this blog. He has bitter down cold already; he doesn’t need MORE fuel! 😀
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Uggghh. That makes me so bitter. Well you can keep reading it and make sure he knows the stuff right?
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Of course Ben! I wouldn’t miss it!
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Good. Cause I would be bitter if no one in your family followed the misadventures of a bitter blogger.
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So I found this really interesting: http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2014/11/happy-people-arent-always-great-at-empathy.html
Happy people are full of it! They think they’re so awesome! NO!! Not so!
Plus: http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2014/10/grumpy-people-get-the-details-right.html
Right, right?! There’s ya proof. Being grumpy and bitter is best. Science SAID so.
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I would like to say I’m surprised, but I’m not. I’ve known all along that happy people were unnatural.
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They *might* be the devil’s spawn in disguise. Just sayin’
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They probably commit all seven deadly sins everyday so…
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sorry to be so UNbitter, but I love this..
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If you stick around here long enough, you’ll learn to be bitter. After a little while, you won’t remember what it was like before.
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can’t wait!
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Stay tuned for some really bitter things this week.
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That is ONE crazy gif! Woo!
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Yes, and the guy actually did that. I guess he’s a pretty emotional soccer coach. I would hate to be at his halftime speech.
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Haha! I imagine it would be one long low screech. Like some Norwegian metal.
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That would make a bitter sound in my ears which would ring for years!
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If you’d just keep those cells away from your issues, or any other issues, you could be bitter about them all in one bunch instead of chasing after the divides, too.
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I don’t like dividing because it is math, except when at a party and dividing from the party to my couch and away from people.
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“Everyone is better than you. It’s a fact of life.”
LOL! I love a good demovational speech. Cheers me right up. I suppose that makes me a defective unit, which then gives me something to be bitter about. Good news all around!
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Defectiveness is what I’m all about. We don’t fix anything around here, but we do provide a nice junk yard for you to live.
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Also it is snowing on your blog…so there’s that.
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Oh yeah. And it could be snowing on yours too if you wanted it. But most people don’t want snow, so …
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No I want some snow on my blog…but how?!
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If you click on your general settings, there is a button right at the bottom right above where it says save changes, that says “Show falling snow on my blog until January 4th.” Click that and it will snow on your blog.
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I made it snow!!! Thank-you…I say in bitterness.
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It is best to have something to complain about and snow on your blog is a good one.
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Wooh I’m feeling bitter already.Fuck people and their god-given talents, I hate them all!
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Totally. I think people with talents already born in them that don’t have to work for it, suck.
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A very interesting read! If you don’t mind it’d mean a lot if you had a look at my blog. Thank you if you do 🙂
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If by interesting you mean bitter, then yes, interesting.
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You need bitch lessons. Find a good woman!
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I think my wife would say she is a good woman. She tells me all the time to stop being bitter.
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