Get Hooked on Friday Giftures

/ bensbitterblog

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You know how when you first start reading this blog, you can’t turn away because it is such a train wreck that you can’t stop reading it?  And then you wait for the next one in the next hour and it just never comes and you can’t concentrate on anything else? I’m sorry to tell you, that you are addicted.  Don’t worry, you’re not the only ones.  Some people just can’t look away from a distastrophy.  Some addictions are cool like video games, television and bitter blogs. Others are super damaging like messy rooms, watching Peter Pan live, and slam dunking on people.  I’m in a 14 step program to overcame my addiction to dunking on people and only recently have I been able to overcome it because of therapy, not because I totally downgraded from a 1 inch vertical when I was 22.  I still have flashbacks about the time I dunked on Lebron, Jordan, Shaq at the same time, but I’m getting better.  It’s just so embarrassing, embarrassing professionals that are payed to not get embarrassed by a non-paid 41 year old former athlete just barely past his prime.  Some day my addiction won’t be so embarrassing and someday, you all won’t be so hooked on Friday Giftures specifically and my blog generally, but until that day, here are some new Friday Giftures to feed your addiction.

Some people are hooked…

some are hooked

…on looking like a dork.

Others are hooked on…

 

Some are looking like...

…dancing like dorks.

 

Some are addicted to…

sdfdf

…flipping out all the time. 

 

While others are addicted to the dangerous world…

hvjqury

…of high speed stunt driving.

 

Some like me…

...addicted to just laying around all the time.

…are addicted to just laying around all the time.

 

Some highly tuned athletes…

way too addicted at playing ball.

…are way too addicted at playing ball.

 

Some like me, are addicted….

...to staying ali

…to staying alive.  Sometimes, I eat three times in one day.

Some are addicted to the thrill…

sfdf

…of heart attacks. 

 

 Others like Arianna Grande are addicted the little known sport…

dsfdf

…of train dodging.

Others struggle with…

...like epic st

…epic battle syndrome.

 

Some struggle with…

...the

…undernapping at work.

 

 And then there are those people that just need to…

...s

…slow the heck down.

 

I know it seems like I have been on a mission to save people this week, from their happiness with my Bittervention post on Wednesday and help with overcoming addictions today, but I’m not really.  In fact, I hope that I’m doing a little harm.  I hope that you actually do try to follow the advice of an untrained and uncertified non professional and then try to blame it on me.  Then I can laugh at you for trusting my advice.  Perhaps when you do follow my advice you could film it and end up here on Friday Giftures one day.

ARRRGGGHHH

Bitter Hooked Ben

21 thoughts on “Get Hooked on Friday Giftures”

  2. I don’t care how good I might be (not) at riding a unicycle, I would NEVER ride one (and hop around on it!) so close to a cliff. Wth?

    Also, the bearded dragon on the desk made me CTM.

    Also, I’m totally going to text you in a few minutes. Don’t hate me for how horrible I’ve been at (not) texting. That will probably be over very soon. I definitely miss my BF.

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  6. While I wholeheartedly endorse cat-dragging, I am saddened that O She Of The One Same Outfit was not hit by that train. When does the next train come? Surely she cannot dodge twice.

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