For your Black Friday Funny Bitterness Gifture pleasure. Not really.
It’s Black Friday and nothing says Black Friday like greed. Black hearted rage, mixed with savings only 6 people will actually ever get, combined with angry, crazy people in a race for pole position for a chance at a ticket that may or may not get you into the room of a store that allows you to pay slightly less money for something you may or may not ever want and something for sure will never be appreciated as much as it should be for the trouble you had to go through to get it. It’s the bitterest day of the year for the amount of disappointment you will get. Either you go to the store and don’t get what you want, or you don’t go to the store and still don’t get what you want and you football team loses. Even if your team wins, your fantasy team lost. Or you get lost in the pass that you were supposed to drive through. Or you’re so stuffed full of stuffed turkey, that you will get stuffed on your way to dunk one on LeBron(like that would ever happen on any other day other than Thanksgiving).
First thing you wanna do is….
…brush your hair right after you fall out of bed.
Then…
…you wanna scare up some friends.
Then, make sure…
…you get your fighting pants on.
Now, when you get the chance…
…build up your strength.
When you get to your first destination…
…you’ll need some distractions.
Sometimes a good way to get in…
…is to create a good disguise.
Another distraction…
…would be to try to blame this on another person.
Be ready for anything…
…there may be fainting involved.
Be careful…
…as there might be slight overreaction when people don’t get what they want.
There might be also be a rager coming on if you don’t get…
…what YOU want.
But…
…don’t go crazy…
Because at the end…
…if you stay at home, you may get precisely what you wanted.
My suggestion? Send your family member or loved one with a camera and watch the highlights from the sidelines. Then you can fast forward to the good parts, rewind and watch them again or just make up your own highlights and bloopers reel.
Make sure you check out all the Funny Business that is going on all over WordPress today…
The other Funny Blog Friday bloggers: VISIT THEM!! (And if you love us, tweet using hashtags #FBF and #FunnyBlogFriday)
Alanna of White Girls Be Like…
Jamie of Fits of Wit
Jessie of Jessie Reyna
HE Ellis of HE Ellis
Ben of Ben’s Bitter Blog
Jenn of Properly Ridiculous
Alice of Alice At Wonderland
Lisa of Buddhaful Britt
JC of JCS Bloggery
Sarah of No Cry Babies
Elke of The Pretty Platform
Jack of The Things I see Up Here
Chicks A & E of Too Funny Chicks
Charly of Crazy Life
Kevin of Trailer Trash Deluxe
Karilin of That Nameless Color
Arthur from Pouring My Art Out
Gina of Endearingly Wacko
ARRRRRRGGGGGHHHH
Bitter Black Friday Ben
Ben's Bitter Blog 
That “trust fall” had me laughing SO MUCH.
Poor woman.
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She’s definitely never going to trust a man ever again. Kind of like how my wife won’t trust me at home with the kids, cause I will just play video games while they play the computer instead of doing their homework.
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I went out shopping for the very first time ever on black friday this year, and I was extremely disappointed. No sales to speak of, no hoardes of people, nobody killing each other over fake sales, or “The” toy. I was disappointed. I wanted carnage. At least a little bloodshed.
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I think the stores are shooting themselves in the hype foot, by doing sales on Thanksgiving. The riots aren’t happening anymore because people are either being bitter at home by online shopping or going early on Thanksgiving, so by Friday, everyone already has their bitter stuff.
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I now have the overwhelming desire to dress like a statue and stand in the park for a while….
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And I have an overwhelming desire to film that, while publishing the results on my blog/YouTube channel.
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I stayed home!
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So you were bitter about being trapped at home them right?
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No
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Fine.
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I don’t know how people even go out considering most of us are probably hungover. On the bright side, the Eagles won yesterday so I’ll be happy at least until they play next
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That is the thing about sports. We are only happy when they win. As soon as they lose we get pissed and don’t want to talk to them again until they win. Even my basketball team, the San Antonio Spurs, won the title this year, but they lost a number of games and all those pissed me off. I’ve yet to see a team that has won every game they played.
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It took so long for all these to load, I started wondering if my internet had somehow switched to dial-up . . .
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I’m starting to wonder if I should be doing so many of these cause it is starting to take up all my Gigs on the site. I might have to start deleting stuff.
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Then take your kids to the movie today instead of not taking them to the movie
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I made sure they had a good time with their cousins while I went to the movies.
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I’m at home, still in my PJs, and about to make a late breakfast. Not going out, except to walk the dog. I’m just not into contact sports.
Good one, Ben.
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I’m not into walking, going outside or getting pummeled by people just to get cheap crap.
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